


Conversion Complications

by Triskellion



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alien instincts, Episode: s02e08 Conversion, F/M, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Multi, Rough Sex, Sentient Atlantis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-25
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-07-18 06:01:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7302400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Triskellion/pseuds/Triskellion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The change to John Sheppard after Ellia bit him was more complex than Dr. Beckett thought, and much more contagious. The complications of this little medical snafu are going to be widespread and long term, for John, ART-1, and all of Atlantis.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“This really isn't necessary, Doc,” I protested yet again. I’d walked miles through the forest back to the gate. How was putting me on a gurney once I was inside Atlantis helpful?

“Yes, it is,” Carson countered. “You've got a serious laceration on your arm and you've lost a good deal of blood.”

“Yeah, enjoy the ride, Colonel. They're making me walk.”

Ah, the grumble of the cranky McKay. It was good to hear. Rodney had been very quiet since the disaster at Doranda. Ever since promising to make up for his play on my trust, he’d been all but hiding in corners and working all hours.

Though I admit, I’d been avoiding him a bit too. Maybe it was time to draw him out again, make sure he ate real meals regularly instead of withering away on nothing but coffee and powerbars.

“You have a splinter, Rodney!” Carson said, and I resisted the urge to snicker.

“Yes, a very nasty, painful splinter.”

 _To heck with it._ I went ahead and snickered. Watching Rodney scowl was more fun than watching Carson remove the bandage from my arm.

“This might hurt a wee bit.”

I knew exactly how much this was going to hurt. I’d felt how much it hurt when Ellia decided to take a chunk out of me with her feeding hand.

“Oww!”

_Poor McKay._

“I'm sure it will,” I said offhandedly, watching Rodney rather than Carson. _Don’t tense. Don’t tense._

“This doesn't sting?”

 _What?_ I looked, really looked, and saw Carson had swabbed the whole area. I hadn’t felt a thing. “No.”

“I know y'have a high threshold for pain, but this...”

I frowned. No, still didn’t hurt. “This is what?”

“... gone.”

I stared at the undamaged skin of my arm. Smeared with hints of blood and lots of iodine, but undamaged. Every hair was right where it should be. I couldn’t believe it. She’d at least nicked a tendon. I knew she had. My fingers hadn’t worked right after the fight, the gun shaky in my grip. I hadn’t wanted to think about it, but I knew there would be surgery in my future, maybe even a discharge. I didn’t want to think about it because leaving Atlantis just… wasn’t an option. I couldn’t stomach the idea.

“The feeding mark. It's completely healed.” Carson sounded awed and horrified.

All I felt was blooming relief.

~o0o~

I flexed my hand, twisted my arm, studying the play of muscles, tendons and skin. Perfect. Not a scar. Nothing even twinged. It was like it never happened.

“Are you going to stand outside my door all night?”

 _Rodney?_ Oh, right, I’d been walking to Rodney’s quarters when the perfection of my arm distracted me.

“No.” I smirked in that way I knew drove Rodney crazy and just walked past him into his quarters.

“Hey! What are you…?” Rodney sputtered in the doorway for a moment, then glanced out the doors and stepped forward until they closed. “You don’t usually slink over here so early… not without Ronon or Teyla.”

Rodney had a point. And I hadn’t been over to Rodney’s since Doranda blew up. Why was that?

 _Oh, right, Rodney almost got us both killed. And destroyed five-sixths of a solar system. With his ego._ Didn’t seem to matter much at the moment.

I slid my hands in my pockets, rolled my shoulders back, and sauntered up to Rodney with the walk and grin that always seemed to get Rodney’s attention. 

“We’re still alive.” I’d used that line more than once in the past. It was usually followed by thank-God-we-survived sex. I wish it had started sooner: I’d wanted nothing more than to tuck Rodney under my chin and hold him after that shadow entity the week after we got to Atlantis. But it had taken until Kolya for Rodney to respond to my hints. Though maybe dragging Rodney to my quarters, stripping him to his birthday suit, and giving him a blow job as part of re-bandaging his arm had been a bit more than a hint.

“Yes, yes we are.” But Rodney was looking anywhere but at me, his eyes moving frantically and his cheeks flushed. Usually he didn’t get that look until I had my shirt off.

Actually, why didn’t I have my shirt off? Easily solved. And I liked watching Rodney’s eyes bulge as I dropped my shirt.

“John, what are you—?”

I cut off Rodney’s words with a kiss and started worming my hands under his shirt. If Rodney had resisted, fought me off, something, I would have stopped. Probably. But he just melted and let me manhandle him out of his clothes and onto the bed.

“Pants. Boots. Pants,” Rodney chanted, trying to get up and get me out of the rest of my clothes, his strong fingers already losing all dexterity.

Seeing him flustered into incompetence made me so horny. 

“If I shove my dick down your throat, will you shut up,” I growled, toeing off my boots.

Unfortunately, Rodney didn’t give me a chance to test it, dropping back on his elbows and watching.

_Maybe another time._

Finally clothing free, I threw myself on Rodney, ignoring the oof and small protest. It was irrelevant. Rodney was hard against me and the squirming felt… incredible. Why had I been staying away? _Fuck, why have I been limiting this to after we nearly die? Rather have this every night._

“John,” Rodney hissed, his hands grabbing my ass.

 _Oh, better idea._ Popping up on my knees, I rolled Rodney over and grabbed a firm handful of ass in each hand. 

“Got any slick?” Rodney wiggled eagerly under my touch and pointed at the wall next to the bed. I grabbed his hips and dragged Rodney up the bed even as I thought “open” at the drawer in the wall. _So handy._ Soon as I was in reach, I grabbed the bottle inside the drawer. _So delectable._ I couldn’t wait and shoved a finger of my free hand inside my Rodney, two, savoring how he writhed under me. _So mine._

“Slick,” Rodney snapped, bucking into my touch.

“Not sure you want it.” I pushed down hard, trapping Rodney against the bed. I wanted him pinned, desperate for friction. “Been too long.”

“Use the damned lubricant, Sheppard.”

I growled, but dumped some of the bottle’s contents down Rodney’s crack before thrusting in.

Warm. Tight. Perfect. I melted across Rodney, wanting skin contact across every possible inch. _Mine._

“If you don’t start moving—” I thrust.

“Mmmmm.”

“Fucking hell. John,” Rodney howled. “More.”

“Nope.” I lazily rolled my hips. “Think I’ll just hold you here…. All. Night. Long.”

“Sheppard!” Rodney must be practicing with Ronon a bit. He pulled a half decent attempt to get leverage. Nothing I couldn’t handle, but half decent.

“Hmmm?” I muttered, refusing to let him know I was impressed. Still, as a reward, I did another lazy roll, which sent lightning bolts up my spine. I couldn’t resist another roll after that, followed by another bolt of lightning.

“John….”

“Love that whimper.” I buried my nose in Rodney’s neck. _Smells so sweet. So perfect._ “All for me.” I licked up Rodney’s spine to his hairline, savoring the taste of his skin and the smooth bumps of the bone that protected his exquisite brain. _Even tastes perfect._

“John! Please.”

 _Enough._ I needed more and reared back, dragging Rodney’s hips with me. As soon as Rodney got his knees under him, I thrust back hard. Again. And again. And— 

“Oh, God. Rodney!”

~o0o~

Instinct and practice woke me early. Early enough to meet Ronon for a run. Early enough I could sneak back to my room before Ronon came by. Not early enough for another round of Rodney. _Damn it._

Shower first. Last night had been… exquisite. But I still smelled like every moment of it.

I left the lights off in the room, finding my way to the bathroom by instinct and experience. Not my first rodeo. There was a bit of a shock once I had the door shut and the lights on. _Blood?_

Only a little, if in a place I’d never thought to see it. Still, Rodney couldn’t be too hurt. I scrubbed up fast and slid dirty clothes over damp skin.

Before leaving, I leaned over Rodney and slid the blanket down. A thought raised the light levels just enough to see, and I slid two fingers into Rodney. _Still slick and warm._ So tempting to just crawl back into bed. Ronon wouldn’t look for me in Rodney’s quarters.

“Don’t you dare,” Rodney muttered.

“Don’t I dare what?” I checked my fingers— _No blood._ —and slid them back in. Everything felt smooth, slick. No damage.

“Way too early. Go jogging.”

I wiggled my fingers until I got a moan. A sleepy moan, but a moan. Then Rodney snarled and rolled away.

“Sleep well.” I leaned in and pressed a kiss to the warm, sweaty back of Rodney’s neck— _Still tastes so good_ —then slunk off to my room.

~o0o~

I sucked back a sip of water from my bottle as I stepped into the hall. Last night had left me a touch dehydrated.

“You up to this?”

I jumped as Ronon’s slap on my shoulder and winced as I bit my cheek. I swirled another sip of water through my mouth to clear the blood and turned to Ronon.

“I’m perfect. Shall we?”

~o0o~

Running up the arch seemed easier than ever. I must have finally broken that barrier. ‘Bout time. Ronon had been running me into the ground for months.

Actually…. I glanced over my shoulder to where Ronon was panting, leaning against the rail. “I thought you said you were a Runner!”

Ronon glared. “That's funny.”

 _Okay, this is weird._ “I can usually barely keep up. What's with you?”

“What's with you?”

I offered my water bottle. I was full up, but Ronon looked like he needed it for once. “Water?”

Really needed it given the way he chugged it. The glare didn’t help.

I tried to remember if I’d ever seen Ronon break a sweat before. Nothing came to mind. At least he smelled good all sweaty, not the funk that lingered in the lockers. 

“All right, sore loser. I don't act like a jerk when you beat me!”

“Yes you do,” Ronon growled.

_Huh. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed._

“Okay, then we'll go around again.” I turned back down the arch, but Ronon didn’t follow.

“You go ahead.”

“Okay, grumpy. I will.”

 _Bastard kept my bottle,_ I thought as I took off back down the arch.

~o0o~Damn. I’m good.

I grinned as my sticks met Teyla’s yet again. “Not bad, huh?”

“Yes, yes. You're doing very well.”

_Is she panting?_

The whir and clack of bantos rods. I saw every move before it came. _She’s moving so slow._ Teyla stepped back, breaking\the rhythm. 

“You have been practicing.”

 _This is too easy. Is she going easy on me?_ I frowned and tossed away one rod. 

“Not really.”

 _Left. Right. Down._ I moved faster as Teyla did, but nothing changed. It was too easy. _Right. Down. Left and… Feint._ I blinked in shock, but my bantos rod still pressed against Teyla’s neck. _She fell for that?_

“You are showing… a considerable leap in ability, Colonel Sheppard.” Teyla’s throat struggled against the press of the rod.

“You can call me John when we're off the clock.” _Did I just say that? Well, not that I’d mind, but it’s an odd time to bring it up._

“Very well ... John.”

 _That sounds… good._

“There ya go.” I grinned. And sniffed. _Smells… good. There’s something…._

“Should we continue, or do you…?”

The urge hit before I could think about it. Eh, why think about it? Teyla’s lips felt soft and smooth under mine, her cheeks wet and warm and alive under my hands. _More._ I pushed my tongue forward, felt the heat of her mouth for a moment before—

_Did she just shove me? _I stared at Teyla. The distance between us seemed too great.__

__“I'm not really sure just what happened.”_ _

__Teyla touched her hand to her throat._ _

__“Colonel….”_ _

___Why did she shove me? That was perfect._ _ _

__“That was interesting!”_ _

__The click of the radio._ _

__“Colonel Sheppard, please report to the infirmary!” _Beckett. Cock blocking little…. Teyla looks… Shit._ _ _

__“You okay?”_ _

__Teyla panted softly. Suddenly I couldn’t avoid noticing the complete lack of expression, the strained breathing, the tension in her shoulders. _All those years hiding from Wraith… and now she’s hiding from me?__ _

__“Doctor Beckett will be expecting you.” She’s smiling, but I knew that smile. She used it when she was hiding fear from an enemy._ _

__“Yeah.” I didn’t want to leave. She still smelled so good. _Damn, but Beckett will just call again.__ _

__Her smile dropped, and the scent of fear filled my nose. _Teyla… you should never be afraid of me. Not of me.__ _

__I turned and left._ _

__~o0o~_ _

__“The good news is, we can now say with some certainty that Ellia didn't drain away any of your life.”_ _

__I rolled my eyes. Elizabeth and Carson were both so earnest. Something was wrong._ _

__“We already knew that.” I damn well knew what having my life drained felt like. This wasn’t it. She bit. She screamed. That was it._ _

__“I suppose.”_ _

__“That's the best good news you could come up with?” _Stop hedging and get it over with._ Carson looked anywhere but at me. _ _

__“It looks like you've been infected with the Iratus bug retrovirus. The one we were working on to turn Ellia into a human.”_ _

__“You mean the one that didn't turn her into a human.” _Sarcasm score of nine._ Shit, every muscle in my back was locking up._ _

__Carson looked so eager, so frantic, so embarrassed._ _

__“Ellia administered the treatment prematurely. It wasn't ready. It wasn't even supposed to be—”_ _

__“I'm not blaming you, Doc.” _What’s done is done.__ _

__“But you're right. The transformation was into a creature closer to the Iratus bug than to a human, and I know how much you…”_ _

__“Hate those bugs?” A shiver ran down my spine. Hate was a poor descriptor of how I felt about those things. Loathing was barely a start._ _

__“Yes.” sighed Carson._ _

__Elizabeth finally spoke up from her spot by the wall. “But, for one ... Ellia was a Wraith. And she took a massive dose of the retrovirus. I mean, do we know how the Colonel's system might respond to the drug?”_ _

__Carson shrugged. “I have no idea. It was never engineered to be given to a human. It was never intended—”_ _

___Stop whining and deal!_ “Doc.”_ _

__“—to be given to anyone!”_ _

__“Let it go,” I said softly, hanging my head. _What a fucking mess.__ _

__“The problem is, I have no idea how your body will react! I can't even begin to guess.”_ _

__I resisted another eye roll. However, I did roll my shoulder back, and thought about the morning so far. _Pretty good, this meeting aside._ “Well, if how I feel is any indication, I'm fine.”_ _

__Carson looked so pleased by that statement. “It's certainly possible that it's already breaking down in your system. Ellia's transformation was extreme, and immediate.”_ _

__Elizabeth, on the other hand, looked twitchy. She had that expression that meant she wasn’t convinced._ _

__“See?” I prompted, making sure I looked as relaxed and confident as possible._ _

__“But the wound on your arm healed unnaturally fast.” Carson was building up that twitch he got when he was trying to fix something he didn’t understand. He got that look a lot on Atlantis._ _

__“If there was a wound.” I ran my hand down my arm over my jacket, my flawless arm._ _

__“There had to be,” Carson snapped, staring at my arm. “Otherwise, I don't see how you got infected in the first place!”_ _

__I quickly moved my hand, waving it in the air to draw attention elsewhere. “She was spitting an awful lot.”_ _

__Carson did not look convinced._ _

__Fuck him. I’m fine. No wound, no scar. _Nothing happened._ And if I kept telling myself that I might believe it soon._ _

__Elizabeth stepped forward. “So what, we just monitor it for now?”_ _

__“Aye,” Carson said, sounding more than a little defeated. “You'll need to check in every six hours.”_ _

__I nodded. I’d agree to almost anything to get out of here. “I can do that.”_ _

__“And you should probably—” Elizabeth began in her ‘I’m the boss’ voice that drove me so crazy._ _

__“Suspend my off-world activities until we know more?” I knew I was being more than a bit sarcastic again, but for fuck’s sake, of course I knew that._ _

__Elizabeth nodded graciously. “Thank you.”_ _

__The look worked better on their allies than me. I knew her too well._ _

___I’m getting the fuck out while the getting’s good._ I dropped off the exam table there’d been no point in my being on. “See ya in six hours.” I slapped Carson on the shoulder and bolted._ _

__~o0o~_ _

__“Oh no. Not now. Out, out, out,” Rodney snapped the moment I stepped into the doorway of his lab. And he wasn’t even looking my direction._ _

__I slouched in the doorway and raised an eyebrow. And took a deep breath. Damn, Rodney smelled as good as Teyla. Better._ _

__“Get, Sheppard. Go away.”_ _

__“Lunch?” I prompted. Usually food could tempt Rodney out of his lab, but that cranky expression indicated this wasn’t one of those times. _Funny. He’s usually in a better mood after getting laid.__ _

__“We’re in the middle of something important,” Rodney said. He stalked right up to me, ignoring the curious looks of all his minions throughout the lab. “Not now,” he hissed into my face._ _

__I looked down into his face, he was shorter than me, and then lower, and I got it. Rodney was tenting his trousers. _Smells so damned good._ I leaned in, but Rodney’s hand on my chest stopped me. I could get past that. If I wanted to. But no need to traumatize the minions. The rumors about the two of us were bad enough without PDAs._ _

__“Dinner?” I prompted softly. _Or after. All night long would be good._ I smirked and watched Rodney’s eyes dilate._ _

__Air hissed between Rodney’s teeth and his cheeks turned a pleasant red. “Dinner, fine. Just get... so we can work… without you distracting all the girls with your….” Rodney waved up and down me before shuffling back to his desk, hunching like he was distracted, but I could tell he was really trying to hide his reaction. To me._ _

__~o0o~_ _

__My jacket was barely off before I noticed my arm. The patch of previously clean skin, where Ellia’s bite had vanished—or never happened—was turning blue. And bumpy._ _

__“Obviously something happened,” I muttered to myself before hitting my com. “Hey, Doc? This is Sheppard.”_ _

__“Yes, Colonel?”_ _

__I ran my hand over the blue bumps erupting from my forearm and suppressed the urge to vomit. “We may have to bump up our first check-in.”_ _  



	2. Chapter 2

I didn’t know which was worse, staring at my arm in my room or dealing with everyone else staring at my arm.

The tests were miserable, but only in the sense that they took forever and people were constantly around. No needles except the blood draw. Everything else was noninvasive, and I even got to just lay there in the bed. No dragging me all over creation. Thank goodness for the Ancients. _For once._

But Carson wasn’t talking to me. Not telling me anything. He was talking to Elizabeth, but not me. _Just fucking tell me._

And it probably meant I was SOL.

Oddly enough, that didn’t bother me at all. And since the initial nausea had passed, neither did the blue bumps on my arm. Or the fact that the patch had doubled in size in the time since I’d first noticed it. I just… didn’t care. I was much more interested in meeting Rodney for dinner, and dragging him off to bed.

Which was probably not a good idea right now, what with being infected with a retrovirus that was turning me into a bug.

_Wonder if I’ll get spikes._

Staring at the ceiling had long since lost any possible appeal long before Elizabeth finally came out of Carson’s office.

“How'm I doin'?” I asked lightly.

Elizabeth seemed more interested in glancing at Carson than talking.

_Not encouraging._ “Anything that has you speechless has me concerned,” I managed to drawl in the proper, light tone.

Elizabeth’s smile was the one that only occurred when she was very, very uncomfortable. “You're gonna be fine.”

“Wow. That's dead man talk.”

That put her back up. She finally pulled herself together and tried to believe the crap coming out of her mouth. “No, it isn't.”

I turned my arm so she had to see the utter grossness of it. “Have you seen this?” I demanded.

“Beckett is gonna figure this one out.”

_Oh, she almost convinced me with that one. Not._ “I think I already have. You know who I'm starting to feel like?” I paused and grinned for emphasis. “Ford.”

“Now, what happened to you is completely different.” Nice sentiment, but she said it too fast, too desperate to convince us both.

“I know, I know. Still, I can feel it. I mean, I can feel it changing me inside... like he did.” Which had me really rethinking my behavior over the last day.

“I don't think that's even possible. Look, you're very worried…”

“No, no. No, it’s… uh….” _How do I explain this?_ “One of the best weeks of my life was when I got my wisdom teeth out. I was on codeine for a full seven days. This is kinda the same. I know I should be in pain, or at the very least freaked out by this, but hey! I'm not… and that freaks me out more than anything.”

Elizabeth shifted uncomfortably. She was all but wringing her hands. “We're gonna beat this.”

“’We're gonna beat this'? ‘Beckett'll figure this out'? ‘You're gonna be fine'? You really suck at the whole bedside manner thing.” _Deep breath. Stay calm. Freaking out won’t do any of us any good._ Except I wasn’t freaking out. All the anger was on the surface. Underneath, I didn’t give a shit about anything but dinner with Rodney. Which was probably still not a good thing.

“I know, I'm sorry.” She danced from foot to foot. Pathetic. Usually she had a much better poker face.

I plastered on a cheerful smile. “But I appreciate the effort.” _Not._

~o0o~

“And these are?” I asked, eyeing the drugs Carson was offering. I wasn’t taking anything unexplained, no matter how much Carson was bouncing to head out to confab with the other medical geeks. If I was going to be stuck in here, I was going to get some explanations. If nothing else, it was something to do.

“Viral inhibitor. I’m hoping they’ll slow the effect of my retrovirus.”

I glanced down to where the blue was already peeking out from under my jacket cuff. “Slow?”

“I know, I know. It’s not a cure.” Beckett shoved the bottle of pills into my hand. “But it might give us long enough to find a cure. Colonel—”

“John.” For some reason, I really, really hated my rank right now.

“John, the retrovirus took a bit to show, but it’s clearly accelerating its rate of progress.” Carson paused and took a deep breath. “You’ve got days, and we need you lucid for as much of that as possible.”

“Not screaming in the woods like Ellia.” I wanted to smack myself for the words, but smartass was programmed in at this point.

“Not screaming in the woods. Please, take the drugs.”

I took the bottle.

“Two every four hours.”

I took two and chased them with the cup of water Carson held out next.

Carson watched the pills go down, then shuffled off to his confab, muttering as he went, “For now, at least.”

~o0o~

The infirmary was very, very, very, very boring. White walls. White floors. White ceiling.

_Rodney._

I perked up when Rodney came through the door. He had a tablet in one hand that he typed frantically on with the other and a harried expression. Had all but broken my heart when Carson said I couldn’t go out for dinner. Had to stay and be monitored. Humph.

“Carson has a theory.”

“Yes?” I tried to sound blasé, but I knew I failed. Or Rodney was better at reading me today than usual.

“Iratus bug stem cells. He thinks we can create a vehicle for reprograming your system with them.” Rodney usually hated anything medical, said it wasn’t even science, but right now he was all but bouncing on his toes with excitement.

“We don’t have any—”

Rodney cut me off with a wave of his hand. “Ah, but we know where to get some. I’ve got to run, briefing Elizabeth in ten. Then we’re off hunting. Might be a bit before any of us can visit.”

Not that they’d visited before. “Rodney,” I said, but Rodney was already moving toward the door. I jumped up and caught his typing hand. Rodney looked up, his blue eyes wide and frantically taking in the room. His gaze kept bouncing back to the guards who watched from the infirmary doorway.

“What?” Rodney hissed. Then he looked down and saw my hand, the skin turning blue, the nails hardening and turning to claws.

“Be careful,” I said lightly, trying to distract Rodney from my hand, but not wanting to pull away. _Mine._ “Those things are dangerous.”

“I’m well aware of that, Colonel Self-Sacrifice. I watched that thing… that thing….” Rodney stuttered to a halt, his eyes flashing and wild. They locked onto mine for a moment and I could feel his panic and his determination. His desperation and his… I was imagining things.

“Watch your back,” I said, and retreated to my gurney before I did something stupid. Something else stupid. I carefully didn’t watch Rodney pull himself together and leave.

~o0o~

“All right, all right,” Carson snapped. “Go, get, be gone.” He waved his hands at me, and I paused and stared at him.

_What did I do?_ I plastered on an innocent look, but in retrospect I had to admit I might have been a bit annoying of late. The pacing back and forth, following Carson as he worked through the infirmary packing his gear for the trip. But he smelled good, better than the nurses, and I was twitchy. Rodney was going off world without me. My team was going off world.

_Without me._

“Not sure I’m allowed.” I waved my rapidly bluing hand in a quick pass between us, making my point abundantly clear. And he’d ordered me to stay put hours and hours ago, to be monitored. Not that his nurses weren’t avoiding me frantically at this point.

“You”—Carson pointed at one of the guards that had been lurking by the main doors—“go with him. Watch him. Whatever you need to do, just get him out of my infirmary.”

I didn’t wait for a reply, just bolted out the door at a fast saunter. Straight for Elizabeth’s office. I had an admin to beard in her den.

There, I plastered on a cheerful grin despite the stink. Someone needed to find whatever died in the ventilation system. “Hey.”

Elizabeth may not have even known I was there until I spoke. _Whoops/_ Her expression was far too bland. “John? Should you be out of bed?”

_Send Rodney back and I won’t leave it for a week._ I fought back an inappropriate smile. “I was going a little crazy down there, so they said I could walk around for a bit.”

“That's good.” Elizabeth looked… shy, sad. Eh, something, and it so wasn’t selling her confidence in my recovery. Her eyes glanced down. Was she…? Nope, she was looking at my hand. I tucked it into my pocket where she couldn’t see the blue, the claw, the spines. It took some effort not to give in to the urge to rub at my chest where panels of blue hard stuff were starting to build up. They itched.

“Look, Elizabeth, I’m here to say that I want to go on this mission.” _With my team._

Elizabeth showed some chutzpa and walked around her desk toward me. “Hey, you said it yourself. You are not fit for any off world activity.”

I responded through gritted teeth. “The inhibitor that Beckett's got me on, the one that's keeping me lucid? They keep having to up the dose.” _Two every four hours didn’t even last four hours. Try two every hour. And when does that become four? Or four every half hour? Or an IV right into my vein? If they can find a patch of skin that isn’t too hard to put a needle through._

“I know,” Elizabeth said shyly. “They told me.”

“I don't know how much time I have, but the last thing I wanna do is sit on my”—I flashed my blue hand at her, and noticed my nails were even thicker than ten minutes ago. _Fuck._ —“mutating hands while my team puts their lives on the line trying to find me a cure.”

Elizabeth looked away, but not for long. Her backbone was coming back.

“I should be with them!” _I have to be._

“No. I'm sorry.”

Anger and frustration and who knew what all else burned through me. “What's the worst that can happen?” I threw out, taking a step back and throwing my hands up. “I die?” _Would that be so bad? At least I’d go out doing something._

“You could compromise the mission. They have enough things to worry about—”

I waved my evil dead hand— _Oh, I like that._ —at her. “Oh, no, no… so, what? Suddenly I'm a liability?”

Elizabeth stiffened her spine and spat, “Your condition can change rapidly.”

“I know.” _I’m watching it happen._ “And I know I can do this!” _I’m going with my team._

“I'm glad… you feel that way. But it would be irresponsible of me—”

_Of you?_ “This is my life we're talking about.”

“I know that.”

I glared. Elizabeth glared back. And… _Oh, my god. Is that arousal… from Elizabeth? What the hell?_

“I'm going on that mission.”

“No, John! You're not”

_Fuck. Is she getting off on ordering me around?_ I whirled on the glass wall before I put my fist through Elizabeth’s face. “Damnit!” _Get away._ My hand hit the glass, and shattered it. I stared at the shards of glass pouring down. The first thought that crossed my mind was _She’s never going to let me go with my team now,_ but _Where do you get a replacement for a pane of glass that big in Pegasus?_ followed quickly its heels.

“It's okay! Put it down.”

I must have fallen into a fugue, because otherwise how could I have missed everyone in hearing range drawing a gun? But they lowered their guns at Elizabeth’s orders, so I didn’t have to kill anyone.

_Kill anyone? They’re doing their job. Protecting Atlantis._ Now fear began to course under the anger. _I’m a danger to protect Atlantis from._ “I'm betting that didn't sell you?”

“No. No, not really.”

_Sarcasm? Really? Is this the time?_ I resisted snapping. “I should go back to the infirmary.”

Elizabeth nodded firmly. “Yes.”

I slinked off, wondering if the infirmary would be secure enough if I was going to be violent. And this new strength kept increasing. Would anything hold me? _Maybe I should head down to the cells._

~o0o~

“Rodney!”

The gate closing behind my team sent a wrenching pain through me. Sending Rodney off alone was always hard, or leaving him behind, but it had never hurt like this. He was alive, somewhere, I could feel that, but the closeness was missing. A moment ago he could have been at my side. They all could have. My team. I knew they were there. I always did.

And now, they were missing. All of them.

“Colonel?”

I turned fast, fist first, and watched in shock as one of my security team went down to the floor.

Figures whirled around me as I stood, my eyes on my feet. _I hurt one of my men. I can’t…. I’d never…._ Before it was a fear. Now it was a reality. I couldn’t stay in the open.

“Colonel? Are you alright?”

This time I only turned my head. One of Carson’s staff—Uh… Dr. Biro?—was standing six feet away. _Smart woman._

“No.” I wasn’t sure if the word was audible. I took a deep breath, cleared my thickening throat, and tried again. “I’m going to my quarters. This isn’t… I shouldn’t….”

“That sounds good, Colonel. I’ll send a stash of your meds along with lunch in a few.”

The clink of the pills in the bottle in my pocket caught my ears as I stepped toward the door. Probably time to take more. I pulled the bottle out and threw back two.

“Sir, Dr. Weir said you should stay here.”

_Idiots._ Security stopped me by the door. Two of them. Since the third was on a gurney.

“I’m going to my quarters. One entrance. You two are welcome to stand outside. In fact, that’s an order.”

Both men snapped to attention and fell into position at my heels.

_Guess I’m still head of the military to some._

~o0o~

_Rodney?_ My head snapped up. _Teyla? Ronon?_ They were so far away. _Gate must be open._

The gate snapped shut and I collapsed against a wall I didn’t remember walking toward. I raked my knuckle spikes across my arms. Pain cleared my head for a moment as blood welled, but it didn’t last, not the clarity and not the blood. Nothing did.

“Rodney.”

~o0o~

Every hair on the back of my head stood up. She was coming. I knew even before the door opened.

“John?”

I didn’t have to look to see her hand move toward the light switch. It was like my senses were expanding beyond my skin. Was this how Iratus bugs sensed the world?

Whatever she did, it didn’t work. I wouldn’t let it as long as Atlantis listened to me. Elizabeth didn’t need to see me.

“The light hurts my eyes,” I growled hoarsely. Was it my mood? The screaming after Rodney? Or the change?

“Oh… I thought I should come by and practice my bedside manner.”

_Interesting._ I could still smell her. For such a pretty woman, she smelled… foul. Maybe there was nothing dead in the ventilation ducts.

“How are you?” She moved closer.

“My body's mutating into a bug,” I said flatly. “You shouldn’t be here.”

“Would you like an update on your team's progress?”

_They’re getting close, but no nothing so far._ I turned away when she tried to get close. She didn’t need to see. And I didn’t want to see her. _I should be there._

“They found an Iratus cave and they've headed in.”

_Duh._

“They should locate some eggs and be back here in no time.”

I snorted. _No time?_ How blue would I be then? Rodney’d never want me again. “Then what?” I sucked a breath through my teeth, and it didn’t help. Maybe I had scent receptors in there now. That was a disgusting thought.

“Honestly? I don't know.”

I waited for her to leave.

“Hey? Are you alright?”

The skin across my back tightened as she got closer. _Go away._

“Would you like me to call someone?”

“There’s no one to call.” _My team is gone._

Elizabeth gulped. “What about a doctor?”

“A doctor can’t help me with this,” I snapped, turning to face her before she could get any closer. If she wanted to see so much, fine. I knew what I looked like, how the blue scales were taking over my face and my eyes were inhuman. Gold. Slitted. Wrong. _Rodney’ll never look at me again._

“Oh, my god.”

I was impressed she could look at me without pulling away. At least the worst of the smell was fading. “Get out, Elizabeth.”

“You should be in the infirmary.”

“The infirmary isn't secure. The inhibitor's only keeping me lucid, it's not slowing the retrovirus.” _Obviously._ “Double the security, and get out.”

“Still….” Elizabeth was trying to sound confident and in control.

I jumped to my feet and got in her face. “Don’t argue with me! I’m not safe to be around anymore.” _Don’t even let Rodney in now._ “Get some more men at my door and get the hell out of here.” I wanted to take her and shake her, but I recognized the impulse. Now I did. No more attacking my people.

_Teyla._ What had I done?

“Okay. Okay.” She left. Finally. Taking her stench with her. Or most of it.

I threw open my windows and leaned out, taking deep breaths of the salt scented air.

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” It wasn’t enough. It never would be. “Rodney.”

~o0o~

I forced myself away from the door, someway, any way. Just, away. I could feel them, all of them. They were back.

It hadn’t gone well.

The feel of grief. I knew that feeling all too well.

I wanted to go to them, to hold them and be with them while they mourned. I couldn’t.

The doors slid open. Elizabeth. I’d smelled her coming down the hall.

“John?” She stood there, right under me, looking.

_Idiot. How have you survived this galaxy so long?_

“So this is when I usually ask you a stupid question, like ‘How are you feeling?' John? John? Our team got back from the mission.”

“My team,” I growled. I dropped to the floor and crouched between her and the door. I could hear her heart speeding up. It only made me hungry.

“The nest was too well protected. We were unable to retrieve the eggs. They tried their best—”

“Best?” _Is that what you call losing two of my men?_

“The bugs attacked—”

“Try again.” I had to get better. _For my team._

“Can't do that.”

I swallowed hard. _I’m dead._ “If you won't, then kill me now.”

“John.”

“It's better for all of us.” _For Atlantis._

“I can't do that.”

“Then try again.” I moved closer. I didn’t want to. The smell was horrible, completely counter to the sweet scent of my team. But she had to listen. And she listened better when I loomed.

For a moment, she looked like she might give. But it passed. _Stop._ I slammed her into the wall, pinned her there with my mutated hands around her throat.

“We lost Walker and Stevens. I won't send another team!”

I leaned in, watched her panic, felt the arousal fade. She found power sexy, but only when she was the one in power.

“I won't risk more lives!”

_Finally._ I’d started to think she had no respect for my city.

_But if there’s no cure…._ I dropped her and bolted for the door. With Elizabeth inside, it was unlocked. The guards outside moved fast, but not as fast as me. I had each of them down with a single punch. I headed down the hall, fast. Faster than I’d ever been able to go before. I had to go, get, be far away.

Wait.

Teyla would come. Ronon would come. They’d catch me. _They’ll stun me._

I bowled over two corporals walking down the hallway and laid out the senior NCO around the corner. That one surprised me. _Master Sergeant Gibbs can give Ronon a run for his money._ I got to the transporter and threw the scientist inside across the hall. Wrong place, wrong time. _Sorry._

A touch to the wall and I let Atlantis slip me to another part of the city. She still loved me, responding so quickly to my every whim. _My poor lady. I’m sorry to leave you._

_Caldwell will order lethal force._ I just needed the right team. A team that would finish it.

_Not mine._

~o0o~

_Damn it._ Atlantis had led me right to my team. Or them to me. Ronon and Teyla were around, and they’d stop the Marines from doing anything. I had to get out of this section. But Rodney had cut the transporters. I’d heard Caldwell order it.

I couldn’t stay in this room. The doors were watched, but the ceiling was high. I climbed, and tried not to think about how easy that was getting. How buglike I was becoming. _Gross._

_Should have escaped out my window._ New abilities, new thought patterns. I was starting to think like a bug, but only just.

It was going well until Teyla’s voice rang out. “Above us!”

I climbed faster, seeking the shadows. But once I found them, there was nowhere to go. _What I’d give for a convenient air vent to crawl through._ Although Rodney’d still be able to track me. It was clear Atlantis didn’t want me dead.

_Sorry, love. No choice. You gotta let me go._

I dropped from the dark ceiling right in the middle of the cluster. No Ronon, but I dropped the two nearest Marines with a swing of my arm. The thunk as they went down felt….

Two more Marines fired. Stunners. Nothing happened. Wraith didn’t design their weapons to hurt themselves, just humans. _Guess I’m a bit Wraith. Or something._ I wasn’t thinking about that. I so wasn’t thinking about that.

Reflexes I didn’t know I had threw me across the room in a flying leap. I landed on both remaining Marines as they dropped the stunners and brought up their P90s. _Too late._ They went down and I went for the stairs out.

“Colonel!”

Teyla’s voice stopped me. I turned, took a few steps back. She was mine. _My precious—_

“Please… do not make me do this.” _I cannot kill him. Where is Ronon?_

_You have to._ I walked closer. I didn’t want to hurt her, not like this, but she had to, or she had to let me go and find another team. I tried to loom, but all I wanted to do was rest at her side.

She fired, a single bullet that went nowhere near me.

_Teyla, get it over with._ Another step forward.

Automatic fire strafed the stairs below me. “John, I cannot….”

I turned and ran. If she couldn’t end this, I’d find someone who could. But not the three soldiers in the hall. They were wrong, not… enough.

They never saw me coming. But I didn’t kill them. I think.

Two more corridors led to a door that had damaged control crystals. The control room couldn’t lock it, and I could bypass any lockdown on this section by picking the—

_Ronon?_


	3. Chapter 3

“I put him in a medically-induced coma for now. I was afraid he might break through the restraints.”

_Carson?_

“That's a good call, Doctor.”

_Caldwell. Bastard. Take over my city will you…._

“So what now?”

_Piss off, Elizabeth. Kill me or let me sleep._

“The retrovirus has wreaked havoc on his system and it's taking over.”

_No shit, Carson._

“What does that mean?”

“It means if we don't find a way to stop the retrovirus in the next twenty-four hours, what's left of the John Sheppard we know will be gone.”

“Dr. Beckett?”

_Teyla?_ I wasn’t up moving around, but I also could see everything, could hear Teyla’s voice coming from my own mouth… in Carson’s office… where I wasn’t… because I was tied to a bed somewhere. _What the hell?_

“Yes, dear.” Carson looked worried. He should look worried. Clearly this whole situation was fubar.

“I fear things may be worse than you….” She took a deep breath, which felt really interesting to me. “I was very… aware of Colonel Sheppard when we met up.”

“I’m not sure I understand, love,” Carson replied.

“I sensed him. As I would a Wraith.”

“That makes some sense,” Elizabeth said quickly. “He’s part Iratus bug and part human, like a Wraith. So that makes sense.” She finally turned to Carson. “Doesn’t it?”

Teyla shook my head, and my view swayed. “I use it as an example, not a direct comparison. I would not be so aware of a Wraith unless I was in a meditative state. He said nothing while we faced each other… but I heard him, quite distinctly, ask me to….”

“He wanted to die,” Ronon cut in. “Before he was a danger to us all.”

“You heard him?” Teyla turned to her teammate, relief in her heart.

_You’re not crazy, Teyla._

“Then.” Ronon nodded. “And now.”

Teyla pressed a hand to her chest, and a very lovely chest it was. “John,” she whispered, relieved and chiding at once.

“Both of you are hearing him?” Caldwell stepped up looking all stern and cranky. “What about you, Dr. Weir? Or Dr. Beckett?”

Carson held out his hands in a universal “Wait a minute” gesture. “Hold on. Let me run some tests before you go charging off. You two.” He gestured at Ronon and me, or rather Teyla. “Come with me. And where’s Rodney?”

Where was Rodney? The moment I had that thought, reality shifted, and I was looking at myself restrained and out in a bed. _Rodney?_

“It’s all right, John. Carson’s gonna find a fix.”

The words came from me and not, like with Teyla. Cool.

_I’ve got twenty-four hours at best. Tell Elizabeth to get it over with and just kill me._

“Not happening.” Rodney’s attention switched to the tablet computer in his hand. I recognized enough to know Rodney was searching the database for something.

_Caldwell then. He’ll do it._

“And take over the base. I’m not working with that sanctimonious prick. Quit being a self-sacrificing ass and let me find a cure.”

I was pretty sure the Ancients hadn’t run into this little quirk, so the database was unlikely to help. But I held my tongue, or whatever I was using to communicate, and enjoyed watching Rodney’s hands flicker across the computer.

Such strong hands. Competent. So capable.

“Will you stop that? I’m trying to work.” Rodney shifted in the chair, trying to adjust….

_Oh… compliments to your hands make you horny?_

“Just like me commenting on your hair—”

“Rodney.” Carson cut in, coming into the cubby where they’d stashed me. “Have you had much contact with Colonel Sheppard since he was infected with the retrovirus?”

“I’ve only seen him twice since you locked him up,” Rodney said snidely.

“He was running free a good twelve hours before we realized,” Carson said.

And Rodney froze. “Why?”

“Teyla came to me, and Ronon. They were reacting mentally to Colonel Sheppard while he was running. They’re not sure how, but I fear they’ve been infected. Teyla says John… kissed her, right before I called to tell him he was infected. I’m not sure if that’s enough….”

_You bastard,_ Rodney thought, and punched me on the restrained and spikey arm. “Oww.”

_Sorry buddy. I wasn’t… all there. I’d never cheat on you in my right mind. You know that, right?_

“Chaya,” Rodney snapped.

_Right mind._

“Rodney?” Carson stepped up and grabbed Rodney’s hand. “Are you talking to him? Or me?”

“Umm… both?”

“Were you around Colonel Sheppard any time after Ellia infected him? What kind of contact did you have?”

“I’ve been able to sense him since the ATA gene therapy. Don’t tell me you can’t.” Rodney shook his finger in Carson’s face. “Atlantis just loves to throw his mental profile around. Hell, I can feel you, here in the infirmary.”

“All right, yes, a sense of awareness, on Atlantis.” Carson looked thoughtful. “But I’ve never talked to anyone with an ATA gene while they’re stunned… I’d best get a bandage for this.” Oh, Rodney’s knuckles were bleeding. Stupid blue spikes. “This seems like more than just the usual ATA thing. Did you in any way, possibly exchange bodily fluids?”

“What?” Elizabeth had stepped into the doorway and heard that bit.

Rodney looked at Carson through narrowed eyes and hissed, “Can we talk about this in private?”

~o0o~

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Carson said softly. He was closeted with Rodney in his office now, and Rodney’s knuckles were bandaged. “He could have hurt you quite badly if it was that rough.”

Rodney shrugged. “It seemed pretty… well, intense, but he’d been ignoring me so long, and I can handle a little rough sex. And when I checked it the next morning, there was no damage. I mean, if he bit me that hard, wouldn’t there be a bruise, or blood?”

“Unless the retrovirus was already working and it healed you like it did John.” Carson stepped behind Rodney and tugged at his jacket. “Let me look.”

Rodney slid his jacket off his shoulders.

“Rodney…”

“What?”

“I’m afraid… This looks like John’s arm, yesterday.”

_Oh, buddy, I’m sorry. I never meant—_

_Shut up, John. Let me think._ “So… He took what, fourteen, fifteen hours to show. I took…thirty? It’s acting slower.”

“But it picks up speed once it hits a certain level in your bloodstream.” Carson rested a hand over the back of Rodney’s neck, and the feeling of the different skin was apparent. The changing spot was colder. “I’d best get some antiretrovirals.”

“Doctor?” An aid, nurse, or whatever stood in the doorway.

“Any results?” Carson asked.

“Not on the blood tests, not yet. But they both show signs of changes internally according to our scans.”

“Better get a triple dose and find somewhere secure to lock us all,” Rodney said. “If you think John is dangerous, imagine Ronon without his meds.”

“And then I’d better check anyone who’s had any contact with Colonel Sheppard. We know how you and Teyla were infected, but not Ronon.”

_Didn’t kiss Ronon?_ Rodney teased.

_Nope, just kicked his ass running._

~o0o~

I wished I could sigh, or even better, pace. My team was clustered around my gurney, and that was good, it was wonderful. But they were dumping more guys in their small room as the hours went by and the test results came back.

_Does that make eleven?_ I asked. I hated being tied to a gurney, drugged into a coma—not that it seemed to actually make me unconscious—and watching good men under my command dragged in because of what I’d done….

“Looks like,” Rodney replied. I watched through his eyes as another young Marine was nudged into the room. _Seems you get around, Colonel._

I sputtered as best I could without control of my mouth. _I’d never… Rodney._ Though they all smelled pretty good.

Rodney tapped my arm. “Teasing. Still, you sure spread your retrovirus around.”

“Anyone who got close,” Ronon drawled. Understandably. No one was sure how he’d become infected. Rodney and Teyla made sense, and I had punctured plenty of my soldiers with the spikes on my hands and arms, which were tainted with my blood since I’d been clawing myself in my room for hours.

_Any word on Elizabeth?_ I was concerned. I’d gotten close enough I could have infected her any number of times, with the way she kept coming by.

“I fucking well hope not,” Rodney muttered. “She stinks.”

“I had noticed an… unpleasant addition to her scent of late.” Teyla sat calmly in the corner of the room. She’d been meditating, as calm as ever even in the madness of the situation.

_I was wondering if it was all in my head._

Ronon snorted, then sneezed, and a moment later Elizabeth appeared in the doorway.

_Oh fuck._

“Dr. Beckett is fairly certain we’ve identified everyone who was infected with the Wraith retrovirus,” Elizabeth said.

“Elizabeth… you?” Teyla said calmly, rising to her feet.

“No,” Elizabeth said, her tone pained. “I’m clean.”

Teyla managed a bright smile. “I am relieved.”

“Yes, yes, that’s all well and good,” Rodney snapped. “But stop patting each other on the back and start figuring out what we’re going to do to cure the rest of us.”

“We don’t have a lot of options,” Elizabeth said. “Trying to get Iratus eggs is too dangerous. Our doctors might be able to engineer something.”

“In time?” Ronon growled.

“John has less than twelve hours,” Rodney yelled.

“And Rodney has maybe a day or two more,” Teyla said as she looked at the blue already crawling up Rodney’s neck to his face. “You may find a cure, but you will lose two… mission critical members of your team.”

_I’m not that important._

_Hush, John,_ Teyla countered, eyes fixed on Elizabeth.

“We’ve already lost two trying to get those eggs,” Elizabeth said. “How many more might we lose trying again?”

“None,” Carson said, appearing and jumping into the conversation.

“How?” Teyla asked, though they were all thinking it.

“I'm sorry, it just came to me. The fact that Colonel Sheppard’s mutation has progressed as far as it has may be his salvation.”

“Explain that,” Elizabeth snapped, crossing her arms and looking cranky.

“His sweat glands are actually producing trace amounts of the Iratus signature pheromone.”

“And?” Elizabeth asked.

“When we were in the cave, those bugs knew we didn't belong there, so they didn't really fancy us getting close to their nest.”

Rodney pushed forward, nudging Elizabeth out of the way and wrinkling his nose. “Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa. Are you saying that if we can artificially create the pheromone, it might be able to confuse them enough to leave us alone.

“Aye, that would work.” But Carson wasn’t smiling.

Rodney bounced on his toes. “Great. Get going. John doesn’t have long. We need time to get back to that cave. And for you to do your voodoo.”

“He can't do that in time,” Ronon intoned from the corner he’d propped himself in.

Carson shook his head. “No, it'd take days.”

“You said the damage would be irreparable for John inside of the day,” Elizabeth said. Her eyes were glancing back at my limp body, and her stench heightened.

_What is that woman’s problem?_ Rodney thought, and all my team heard it.

“Exactly.” Now Carson was grinning.

“Damn it, Carson,” Rodney snapped. “That won’t do.”

 

“Ah, but there is one person on this base that wouldn't need the artificial pheromone.” Carson waved his hand toward the back of the room. Everyone’s eyes followed to…

Elizabeth gasped. ”Sheppard?”

“He could walk right in that cave and those bugs wouldn't pay him any mind,” Carson said.

Rodney snapped his fingers and walked over to me with a bounce in his step. “That’s perfect. You’re a genius, Carson. For a rattle shaking voodoo doctor.”

“No,” Elizabeth said. “He’s too dangerous.”

“He stopped taking the inhibitor we were administering. It was able to keep him lucid,” Carson said.

“Bullshit,” Rodney snapped. “He was perfectly lucid on and off the drugs.”

“He broke out of his quarters and attacked seven military members of this mission, infecting them with the retrovirus,” Elizabeth said. “He tried to strangle me.”

“He was trying to commit suicide by Marine,” Rodney spat.

Teyla stepped to Rodney’s side. “Rodney is right. I heard him… begging me to end it.”

“He’s fine while we’re here,” Ronon growled. I couldn’t see through his eyes, not yet— somehow Ronon’s change was behind the other members of my team—but I could feel him. And Ronon was right. I’d been a mess when my team was off world. But since they came back….

“And if he snaps again while he’s off world?” Elizabeth said.

“I stun him,” Ronon said.

“I can’t let you all go,” Elizabeth yelled. “My god, you’re all infected. How long before you snap too.”

“I can give him a dose of the antivirals, a big one,” Carson offered. “It should help with his lucidity.”

“We keep him lucid,” Rodney said. “The drugs never did anything helpful.”

“You can’t be sure of that,” Elizabeth said.

“A big dose could kill him,” Rodney spat.

“He could die anyway,” Carson said, his tone reassuring, comforting.”

_Let them drug me,_ I pleaded. _If it’s too late for me, at least let me get the eggs for you. Don’t let me take you all with me._

“John.” Teyla’s hand came down on my shoulder, and I could almost feel it. The meds were wearing off.

“Stop playing the martyr, Colonel Hail-Mary,” Rodney said.

“Rodney?” Elizabeth asked.

“Fine, get the antivirals. But if you kill him, Carson, I will never forgive you.” Rodney glared.

~o0o~

“No,” Elizabeth snapped from the balcony. “ART-2 can take Colonel Sheppard.”

“Didn’t we already have this argument?” Rodney snapped. Everyone being used to Rodney, they ignored him.

_Yes, but they need to argue about it again,_ I told him. _They may have a point._ I stood in the middle of the gate room and tried not to twitch at the thought. My mutated skin being hidden under the thick coat Teyla had provided only partly helped settle my feeling of alienation. The real cure was my team, kitted up and ready to go, right at my side.

“Sending Major Lorne with Colonel Sheppard is a foolish distribution of resources.” Colonel Caldwell announced from Elizabeth’s side, stiff necked and cranky.

“Which is why we’re going,” Rodney said—well, yelled—clearly not in the mood to be ignored further. “We can help manage the Colonel’s mental state, and if anything happens to us…” He shrugged and I wanted to yell. Unfortunately, my vocal chords had started shifting while I was in the medical coma and it was almost impossible to talk.

_Let them send whoever they want._ I ignored how much the idea of being on the other side of the gate from my team terrified me. The feel of the gate snapping shut between us would never fade from my mind.

“Not a chance,” Rodney spat. “The last time we left you alone you started crawling the walls and clawing your own skin off.”

“What?” Carson said from next to Rodney, ready to go as well. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

I shrugged. _No point._

“There would have been a point,” Rodney said. “Then they might believe us that we can help.”

“Rodney?” Carson asked. He looked ready to drag out his medical equipment and start running scans.

“We need to go,” Teyla interrupted. “Colonel Sheppard is running out of time.”

“It’s too dangerous sending him with three infected teammates,” Caldwell said.

“Please, Elizabeth,” Carson said, stepping forward as if in petition. “Colonel Sheppard is our only chance, and he needs his team. I saw him react to them leaving. They clearly share a telepathic bond thanks to the effects of the retrovirus.”

_Ronon can always stun me._

“Not a problem,” Ronon said.

“What?” Elizabeth asked.

“Ronon will stun Colonel Sheppard if he gets out of control,” Teyla said.

“Or McKay,” Ronon said, grinning a wolfish grin.

_You are looking a little blue._ I wanted to smile but my lips were a bit stiff these days.

“You have a problem with that?” Rodney asked pointedly.

_Nope. It’s a good look on you._ I would have kissed him if we weren’t in front of Caldwell. I didn’t care how Rodney looked, just that he was at my side.

“Gentlemen, you are not helping your case,” Elizabeth said, crossing her arms.

“They are perfectly rational,” Teyla said. “You just cannot hear all of the conversation. Please, Elizabeth, we must go before it is too late for Colonel Sheppard.”

Elizabeth frowned and Caldwell shook his head.

Ronon said, “I’ll manage them.”

“Ronon has the lowest retrovirus count. He should be coherent for a day or more even without medication,” Carson said. “And they’re not mad.” He gave her a pointed look, then Caldwell. “They all show signs of increased brain activity. But we don’t have time to get into this, Elizabeth. We need to go. Now.”

“Dr. Weir, this isn’t a good idea,” Caldwell said.

Elizabeth shook her head, but said, “No, it isn’t, but they’re going anyway. Chuck, dial it up.”

~o0o~

_Smells nice here,_ I thought as we tramped through the woods, Ronon leading the way and Carson huffing at our tail.

“Not bad,” Rodney said.

“S’not Atlantis,” Ronon countered.

“That is true. There has always been something about Atlantis, but of late…” Teyla paused and John could sense her hunting for words.

_Atlantis is home._

“What are you saying, love?” Carson said.

“Atlantis is home,” Rodney echoed. “I always feel her welcome me home, but yesterday it was… stronger.”

“Interesting,” Carson said. “I should run some tests. If the retrovirus is reacting to the Colonel’s DNA….”

“Huh?” Ronon asked, stopping next to the cave entrance.

“I’ll get back to you,” Carson said. “John, I need you to fill this up with eggs from inside.” He held out a thermos sized medical container.

_That gonna be enough for all of us?_ I asked, taking the container.

“He wants to know if this will be enough for eleven,” Rodney said. “I don’t want to come back when I’m at his stage just to get more.”

“I’d get a synthetic by then,” Carson snarked. “It should be enough, but if you’re worried….” He offered a second container. “But don’t drop both trying to juggle them.”

I nodded, took the second container, and skulked into the dark. The cave smelled musty, with hints of blood and explosives. Probably Walker and Stevens and Lorne’s grenade.

_Damn it._ They shouldn’t have died for me.

But neither should my team.

_We’re not going to._ Rodney’s voice echoed in my head. _Just keep going._

I kicked up to a jog until I came into view of the main chamber.

Bugs everywhere. And even part-bug now, the noises they made, that _chirr-chirr_ , made my skin crawl. I hated those things.

_Suck it up, airman._ I stepped forward. And the bugs didn’t attack. I walked carefully to the middle of the cave, under the hanging cluster of eggs.

_Carson had a device for scooping the eggs,_ Teyla said, and I felt her looking through my eyes. It felt kind of weird, and yet perfectly natural. Another day it’d be freaking me out.

_Carson couldn’t do this._ I jumped, flying up and grabbing ahold of the webbing that held the eggs in place. Securing myself with one hand, I held the containers between my knees and stuffed them full of eggs with the other hand.

_Listen,_ Ronon cut in.

I ignored the way the bugs were getting twitchy. I could hear it. Hell, I could smell it, taste it, and wasn’t that a fucked up observation. But I had to fill the containers.

I couldn’t ignore it long. The second container was only half full when I _knew_.

_Get out of there, John._

Seems Rodney did too. The bugs knew I didn’t belong. Before they’d been willing to give me a chance, see if I was okay. But I wasn’t from their family group, and I was hurting their eggs. As a close relative—and how did I know that? Smell? Telepathy?—they were giving me a chance to leave on my own. If I went now.

I capped the second bottle and dropped to the ground. The bugs stayed just beyond my path as I stalked out of the cave, the heavy woven coat flaring behind me. At the tunnel, the bugs switched their tone, and I knew I had to run or they’d be sending warriors after me. However they were communicating with me, I tried to send my apologies back. Their young, my people.

_God, I’m commiserating with bugs._

I ran. Sunlight and green and Rodney ahead.

Then blackness.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering, this story is complete. My goal is to post a chapter a day (with occasional delays due to life). So sit back and enjoy the ride without worrying this will be left hanging like some of my Smallville stories.
> 
> Also, this is not a crossover. But if you recognize a name, know the person has a very similar character to their namesake. It made it easier to build the cast of characters I ended up with after John's rampage. Hopefully it will make this more fun instead of distracting.

“Come on, open those beautiful gold eyes.”

 _Rodney?_ I fluttered my eyes and slowly focused on the room. On Rodney’s blue eyes. Well, they were normally blue. They were starting to get golden. And slitted.

“Hey there. I was starting to worry Ronon had shot you too many times.”

 _He shot me._ The protest was repetitive, but I had been perfectly rational on the planet.

“He decided it would look better for Caldwell.” Rodney’s voice was rougher, his lips stiff and blue.

I growled. Caldwell was pissing me off more than usual.

“He may have had a point, but you were perfectly rational. He could have shot you at the gate and saved us all the effort of carrying you there.”

That earned a snicker, though it sounded far too much like an Iratus chirr for comfort. At least Rodney still snarked like Rodney.

“I love you, you know.”

That caught me by surprise. I could only stare at him and try to process those three words I’d never expected from him.

“I thought you might need that pointed out given the thick, muffling layer of guilt you’re carrying around again.”

I might not have expected them, but I had thought them once or twice. _I love you too._

~o0o~

“Where is that quack?”

 _Rodney._ I was getting sick of it. Rodney had been pacing up a storm for over an hour, since the twenty-four hour window had elapsed. Even worse, there wasn’t a hell of a lot of space to pace and he stepped on or banged into someone at least every other pass.

“Rodney, we must stay calm,” Teyla said, catching Rodney’s arm as he marched past yet again. “You are upsetting our guards.”

Four of them, armed with P90’s, stood outside the Wraith cage where all the infected were huddled. Just in case, Caldwell had said.

Actually, I didn’t blame the experienced colonel at all. We were an unknown danger, all of us. Rodney, on the other hand, was livid.

“You know, this reminds me of a film I saw once.”

Ah, Corporal DiNozzo. He had a film reference for everything. I think I’d heard a good third of them in the last few hours. At least he was getting an occasional laugh, diffusing the tension some. When he started pissing people off I’d shut him up. If the master sergeant didn’t get there first.

“Open the door.”

We all turned at Carson’s voice and spotted the doctor coming into the room full tilt.

The Marines took their time, probably checking for orders, but finally opened the door. Then held Carson back at the doorway while he called me up from the back of the crowd.

“Can’t let you go in there,” one guard said. “Too dangerous.”

It took ten minutes to find a patch of skin clear enough of blue plates to stick a needle into, but Carson finally found it. Then he injected me with the contents of every syringe on the tray he was carrying.

The relief of getting some kind of treatment didn’t last long. It was quickly replaced by anger as I realized Carson wasn’t going to start treating anyone else right away.

 _My team? My men?_ Carson couldn’t hear, but he must have recognized the expression on my face.

“Yours was the most urgent need.”

“Not enough,” Rodney translated this time.

“I need more time for the rest….” Carson paused, looking ashamed. “Rodney’s received the ATA gene artificially, and I don’t want to pull it if I can. Ronon and Teyla are each unique to our standard human stock….”

“Carson?” Rodney was starting to look scared.

“And everyone is showing signs of the Colonel’s ATA gene,” Carson said, the words pouring out. “Something else is going on. You’ve got the retrovirus, but there’s something more going on, like it’s modified itself using the Colonel’s DNA. I can’t explain it.”

“I have been… aware of Atlantis as never before,” Teyla said. And Ronon grunted. Then the various Marines expressed some agreement.

“But you can fix the blue problem?” Rodney said, getting to the real point.

“I hope,” Carson replied, sounding less than certain. “I’m not even sure… how much this will work on the… John. But I couldn’t wait with him, not with how long he’s been exposed. I’ll run a few more tests, watch how he reacts, and have something for the rest of you soon.”

_Damn it, Carson. They’re more important than I am._

“Shut up, John,” Rodney snapped. “We are not more important than you.”

“John….” Carson stepped closer, then stopped when the guards started raising their weapons. “I’m sorry. I really do need the chance to observe your reaction to the stem cell treatment before treating the others. I should have asked before making you the guinea pig.”

I wanted to laugh. I knew emotional manipulation when I heard it, and this was a full on heart tug, going straight for my need to protect. _Good one, Doc. Rodney, tell him it’s fine._

Rodney didn’t exactly, but he did say, “What level of monitoring do you need? I don’t suggest separating him from the rest of us, but I doubt Caldwell will let you move us all to the Infirmary anyway.”

“I’ve got—”

Carson was interrupted by the arrival of more medical staff hauling some portable Ancient scanners.

“Ah, there you are.” Carson actually smiled. “I need those set up inside. I want hourly scans on everyone, but especially the Colonel. Rodney, you know enough to run one of these?”

Rodney nodded.

“Good. And you, good lads”—Carson rounded on the guards—“ will just need to drop the shield once an hour so Rodney can transmit the readings. Won’t need the shield off more than a few seconds and you won’t have to open the door at all.”

~o0o~

Six hours in, and while Rodney insisted his scans indicated I was actually a little more human than I had been, I sure as hell didn’t feel like it.

“Colonel?”

I don’t know how I missed Carson entering the room, but somehow I did. And he was carrying another tray.

“Carson…,” Rodney began, his voice hoarse and beginning to chitter.

“I want to try this on Sergeant Murdock,” Carson said. I frowned at him and stepped stiffly to the barrier. “He’s the slowest to react to the retrovirus, except Ronon.”

We all glanced around, at Ronon who only showed hints of blue around his tattoos, at Sergeant Murdock who had the initial blue bubbling at the puncture sites on his chest, but that was it, at Rodney who looked as blue as I did and the other Marines who were starting to get blue scales. No one looked at Teyla, who was slowly turning blue without any scales. If anything, she was starting to look more Wraithlike, and she wasn’t dealing with it well.

I looked back at Carson.

“I need to see how he reacts to the original version of the cure before I finish my variations.”

“It’s up to the Sergeant,” Rodney rasped for me. It didn’t sound like he’d have a voice much longer, though we didn’t really know how mine went since I was medicated and out through most of that change. “He won’t order anyone to be guinea pig.”

“Sir….” Murdock sounded less than pleased and was wringing his hands, but he stepped up to the point where the barrier opened. “If the doctor thinks it’s necessary….” He clenched his hands at his sides and stiffened his spine. “I’m ready, sir.”

“Thank you, son.” The door slid open after a moment to confer by com.

It wasn’t until two of the needles were already in that I noticed Murdock’s left hand wasn’t clenched empty. There was a faint glow coming from inside, probably the Ancient minilight Rodney often carried around. One like it was often used by medical to identify when Carson’s gene treatment started working. If it worked.

I waited until Murdock was sitting back on the poor excuse for a pallet he’d selected—not that any of the rest of us had any better—before I stepped up to Carson. And realized I couldn’t ask what I wanted to. Not without a translator. _Damn it._

Carson took one look at me and somehow read my mind. Maybe there was something to Rodney’s opinion of Atlantis linking the gene carriers mentally.

“No, the gene therapy never took when I treated Sergeant Murdock.”

~o0o~

Caldwell stalked into the room. Normally, that would have been enough to put my back up, especially after listening to the full list of how he’d taken over and rewritten everything within minutes of taking over as head of the military on Atlantis. Major Kirk had been particularly detailed. But I’d been trying to find a way to get Teyla to focus on something other than studying her changing features through every other pair of eyes in the room. Her natural calm was eroding fast, and if she blew up, we’d all crack.

So when Caldwell came in, a lot of us let out a soft sigh of relief at the potential distraction.

“Colonel Sheppard?”

I walked from the back of the cage to the front, stepping over and around everyone else crammed in the small space. Carson’s meds better start working soon or the lot of us were going to go stir crazy at the lack of facilities.

 _Sir._ Caldwell couldn’t hear me of course, but Captain Watson stepped up to my shoulder and repeated the salutation aloud.

“I need to speak with the Colonel, Captain,” Caldwell said, and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

“Don’t mind me, sir,” Captain Watson—John actually, which had gotten a few giggles from Rodney—said. “I’m just the translator.”

Caldwell raised an eyebrow, but I waited patiently while he thought it through. We’d already had this discussion amongst ourselves. Watson was used to being a translator, for his deaf brother, so he’d volunteered to step up for me or Rodney as long as he could.

Poor Rodney, he was pissed about losing his voice and his manual dexterity at the same time. He could only receive and respond once an hour when the shield was down, but he was quite distraught at how slow his responses were getting. Zelenka was probably cheering.

“Very well,” Caldwell finally said. “I wanted to discuss some of the changes I’ve made to your system here on Atlantis.”

I wanted to raise an eyebrow, but my features were still stiff and limited in their movement thanks to all the blue plates and spikes. I settled for crossing my arms.

“Is this really the time, sir?” Watson said for me.

“I’ve been told I was a bit high handed changing so much so quickly,” Caldwell replied dryly. “Since everyone insists you’re all there now, despite your physical appearance, why not discuss it now?”

“I’ve yet to be briefed on the full extent of the changes, and have no access to review the files.” Rodney had the only tablet in the cell, mostly because even the guards hadn’t wanted to try prying it out of his mutating hands. Another day and Zelenka might try bribing them.

“Very well. I just thought you’d want to know what was going on with your city.”

 _Huh. Hadn’t thought he was that perceptive._ I turned to Watson. _Don’t tell him that._

 _I like my job, sir._ Watson never took his eyes from Caldwell. “I would appreciate an update,” he prevaricated.

_Hmph. I would._

Caldwell threw out some details about off-world teams now home safe, said that no new missions were being allowed just in case I’d transmitted my retrovirus further than we’d realized.

“If you’ve checked the infirmary staff, Elizabeth, and the Marines who guarded me, you should have it covered.”

“You threw Dr. House out of the transporter during your escape attempt.”

I nodded. I’d forgotten about that. Still.

“And I bet Dr. Beckett checked him as soon as he realized I was contagious.”

 _I’m half surprised he’s willing to get this close, what with us all being so contagious,_ Rodney chimed in from his corner, hunched over his tablet.

 _Be nice, Rodney,_ Teyla countered. She almost sounded like herself, and I wanted to smile. Or laugh. I did neither.

“So while I understand your concern, the medical staff has had enough time to check every member of this base.”

I knew Watson and most of the rest of us were as irritated with Caldwell’s over caution was I was. It hadn’t taken long to round us all up after my poorly thought out escape attempt.

 _Poorly thought out suicide attempt,_ Rodney snapped.

I huffed softly and otherwise ignored him. I’d apologized before and I saw no reason to keep doing so.

“I don’t have your extensive experience with the Pegasus Galaxy, but I’ve seen enough and read enough of your reports to know to expect the unexpected.” Caldwell followed it up with a pointed raised eyebrow. I had to nod in reply. Frustratingly, he had a point.

“So, these changes you want to make to my team rosters….” That had been a definite sore point with the members of ART-4, but maybe Caldwell had a point. In a few cases.

But it’d have to wait because right then Murdock started convulsing.

Every voice that could started screaming for Carson. I couldn’t say a thing, but I could give orders.

 _Stand back. Let Captain Watson in._ We’d had a few discussions of backgrounds and childhoods, and I knew Watson had started medical school before he’d joined the military to pay for his little brother’s schooling. He was the best chance Murdock had right now for medical care.

Oddly enough, Watson didn’t have time to do more than kneel next to Murdock and start directing who should hold down what limb before Carson arrived with a medical bed. And a whole team.

 _What, were they waiting in the hall?_ Rodney snapped.

 _Damned well looks like it,_ I replied as I nudged everyone I could toward the back of the cage. It was almost impossible to fit in anyone else, and it was horribly tempting to gather up a few and make a break for a quiet corner of Atlantis. But Caldwell wouldn’t take that well, and I couldn’t risk doing anything else he wouldn’t approve of. Not now.

Carson had Murdock strapped into the bed and on the way out the door faster than I thought possible. I grabbed Carson’s arm before he could leave, my eyes fixed on the rapid departure of my man. And the light flickering madly inside his still tightly closed.

“He’s reacting badly to the cure. Colonel, I need to get him to the Infirmary now,” Carson snapped, pulling away.

“Not alone.” Watson said it before I could think it. “We don’t separate. I’m medically trained, let me help.”

Carson huffed. “Fine.”

“No,” Caldwell snapped, still standing just outside the cell door.

I turned and glared, wishing I could give him the full brunt of my frustration. But when I opened my lips, nothing but Iratus sounds came out.

“He can’t be alone.” Ronon stepped up behind my shoulder. “When we’re alone is when we start slipping mentally.”

I watched Caldwell mull over that, probably remembering how I’d screamed when the gate closed, or considering our arguments from before the second stem cell trip.

“Fine, Captain Watson can come, but I’m putting guards around the Infirmary.”

I nodded and let Carson go. Watson followed out the door right on the doctor’s heels. Murdock was probably already to the transporter by now.

I hoped.

_He will recover._

I turned, wondering how Teyla could sound so confident. She just smiled serenely and shrugged. _You just know?_

Her lips quirked, looking so like herself despite the blue coloring that had stained most of her face. _As I know we will be fine. We have each other._

~o0o~

Carson wasn’t back for another four hours. We knew Murdock was stable before then, but only because Watson managed to send reassurance when the shields went down. There were no specifics since the shields were never down long enough for more than a data burst transfer and the Ancients had built those shields well. They blocked everything, including Wraith telepathy and the link with Atlantis. I could only hope that Watson wasn’t losing it as badly as I had with only a drugged up Murdock for company.

We still hoped for an update, in person or in the data bursts from Radek. At some point. In all that time. Rodney had continued his scans and sent every update on schedule, just in case something in there caught Carson’s eye. Four hours. Four scans. Four flickers of the shields. Four hints that Watson and Murdock were at least alive.

We were all about ready to go stir crazy.

And the fact that my armor plating had started to itch was only a small factor.

Really.

“Colonel Sheppard?” Carson called, as if I could have missed him coming into our tiny space.

Okay, I might have made him wait a little. I rose and stepped up to the barrier. “What?” I croaked. My voice had only come back to me in the last few minutes. I’d been trying every half an hour since Murdock was taken.

“Sergeant Murdock is stable.”

I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath.

“I had to re-expose him to the retrovirus. I think his reaction was more psychosomatic than anything else.”

“Didn’t want to lose his gene.” The words were hard to get out. My vocal chords still didn’t quite work normally. Or was that an issue of my soft palate? Whatever.

Carson nodded. “I suspected he might react badly, but I never expected anything that severe. I’m sorry, Colonel.”

Ronon grunted, expression all our frustration and disgust quite clearly.

“Umm… this…” Carson waved at the cell. “I need you all closer if I’m going to finish beating this. You’re doing well, Colonel, but I need more information if I’m going to tend everyone else, and Rodney is pushing the boundaries of the change.”

 _No shit,_ Rodney snapped from his corner. Everyone got a flash of the timer he had running in the corner of his tablet, the one that counted down how long he’d been exposed. The numbers were getting rather large.

“I’ve set up a change of quarters—”

“We won’t be separated,” I snapped, cutting Carson off. I had to make that clear. I was not going to be separated from my team again. It hurt too much.

“No, it’s a large suite. I think the Ancients intended it as cluster of private medical suites, so there’s both plenty of room and a good sensor system for the medical equipment. You can choose how to distribute the rooms off the common room however you want. The whole thing is secure, and Caldwell can leave his men outside. I’ve already had the monitoring equipment moved in.” Carson paused the rapid rush of his words and took a deep breath. “We’re ready to start moving you.”

I sucked in a deep breath across my tongue, wishing I could smell Carson beyond the shield separating us. I didn’t understand everything I could smell now, but I was starting to. And I wanted to know if Carson was telling the truth. Sincerity had a scent to it.

“Drop the shield,” I said.

Carson frowned at me and shared an uneasy look with the guards.

“Just for a minute. Let me confirm with Captain Watson.”

Eyes lighting up, Carson ordered the shield dropped. It took a bit of arguing and a promise that the door would stay closed, but finally the electronic wall vanished.

Atlantis was still muffled, but Watson slid into my mind with a tinge of desperation.

 _Dr. Beckett has set up a new suite for us,_ Watson said quickly. I’m there now with Sergeant Murdock. It looks solid.

 _Sergeant Murdock’s condition?_ I asked.

_Stable. Very blue. Out of it. But I think he’ll be all right._

_Your condition?_

Watson huffed. _Surviving, but I’d really prefer you got up here and outside that bloody shield._

 _Understood. I want a full recon before we get there,_ I ordered even as I croaked to Carson, “All right. But we go in teams.”

“Twos,” Carson countered.

I shook my head. “Threes.” We could do twos, but I’d been twitching since Watson and Murdock left. I didn’t want to do that again.

Carson huffed. “Let me see what I can do with Caldwell. Took me twenty minutes to get him to agree to twos.”

“You’ll get there.” I grinned a little, watching Carson’s eyes widen in response before he caught himself and started looking calm and controlled again.

“Pack up. I hope to have you out of here soon.”

 _Not soon enough,_ Teyla muttered as the shield snapped back into place. I had to agree. Even without the shield, the facilities down here were not meant for eleven people at once. Even after dropping to nine, things were starting to get a bit… ripe.

~o0o~

 _Rodney, time to go._ There was a troop of Marines outside our cell, again. I’d already sent most of the senior security team—and what the hell had they all been doing with Teyla and Ronon?—up to set up our perimeter. Now I needed Rodney inside that perimeter.

 _Hmm? Last round already?_ Rodney never fully looked up from his tablet, standing and moving toward the door on auto pilot.

 _Second round,_ I corrected.

That snapped him out of his distraction. _Oh hell no. Sheppard I’m not—_

_Rodney, you are mission critical. I have no idea what’s going on out there—_

_You paranoid, jackbooted ape,_ Rodney spat. _This is Atlantis. You really think—?_

_Caldwell is in charge, you’re infectious, and I’m the source. I want you up there and secure before I make a target of myself._

Rodney glared at me, lips in a tight line. If his fingers hadn’t been blue and spiny, I’m sure they would have been white on the edge of his tablet.

I caught his hand and gently tried to loosen his grip before he broke the screen. _I need you safe,_ I added, as softly as I could.

 _I’m not taking both Ronon and Teyla,_ Rodney countered, but his hand loosened and his fingers wound with mine. _I need you safe too. No suicide runs today._

 _You’ve got Lieutenant Hiller and Ronon._ We both glanced at the lanky black lieutenant. He was Air Force, a pilot, and yet one of Ronon’s best students, much to the dismay of the Marines. I knew the two men would guard Rodney with their lives.

 _And you?_ Rodney’s yellow eyes scanned the room and lighted on Corporal DiNozzo. _He’s fluff._

 _Forgive me for intruding,_ DiNozzo said, stepping toward where Rodney and I had been arguing. It was probably pure politeness that kept the others out of it this long. It wasn’t like we were on a private frequency and whispering did nothing with telepathy. That we knew of. _I know my general appearance, but the Master Sergeant has been training me since I was an FNG. I’ll guard the Colonel._

Rodney turned his assessing glare on DiNozzo.

 _He’s decent,_ Ronon threw out, which for him was high praise indeed. Most of the Earth origin soldiers were useless. _Speed’ll be priority. Shit goes down, they go up and away._

We’d already gone over this, but it was clear Rodney hadn’t been paying attention when the rest of us had been plotting possible escape.

 _And if I can’t jump,_ DiNozzo added, which was a possibility since he was still fairly early in his mutation, I’ll guard their backs. The kid was always joking, and knew more movie quotes than most of the base combined, but right now he looked as serious as his mentor, the eternally sour Master Sergeant Gibbs.

 _You better,_ Rodney snapped, but I could smell he was relieved. Which was still freaky as all hell. Smelling emotion? And it wasn’t fading.

 _So now that that’s sorted,_ I drawled pointedly.

 _Yeah, yeah, we’re going._ Rodney accepted the heavy coat the guard’s offered, but left the hood back as he retreated back into whatever he was doing in his tablet. I seriously wondered if he wasn’t checking security feeds once the shield went down and he had access to Atlantis’ wifi again. It surprised me he didn’t seem to mind being seen like this…. Then again, he’d been partly blue when we left for the Iratus planet.

For a moment, while the shield was off, I could almost feel Atlantis herself assuring me that she’d guard Rodney and all would be okay. I set the impression aside as I watched my… lover? Friend? Tension release partner? Well, he’d actually said the ‘L’ word, so maybe lover really did suit. Fine, I set the impression aside as I watched my lover leave the room. No one had proven there was anything more than a highly complex computer running the city. No evidence of an AI. So it had to be my imagination.

All too soon it would be my turn. And Teyla’s. Oddly enough, I was actually more worried about her today.

I sat next to her where she was still curled in the corner, in the shadows, waiting. _You ready for this?_

Teyla rolled her head back on her neck until her head rested against the wall, her face upturned and almost catching the light. “I must admit to some nerves,” she said softly, her voice hidden from the guards by DiNozzo bouncing around by the door and quoting classic prison movies.

I nodded, ignoring how stiff my neck was, the plates and spikes still covering far too much of my skin. _Throw on a jacket. No one’ll see you clearly._

Her arms tightened around her knees for a moment, then released and she pushed herself up. “I do not wish to hide,” she hissed.

 _Then don’t._ I stood as well, leaning against the wall as she started pacing along the edge of the shadow.

“I look… like them.” She growled under her breath, a hissy sound more akin to the Wraith than the Iratus sounds Rodney and I were making.

 _You share just enough of their DNA._ I shrugged. _It doesn’t mean you have to let it rule your life._

Teyla turned and snarled at me. I caught her by the shoulders and tugged her closer, pulling her into that forehead touchy thing. She jerked in my grasp, but settled down after a moment. I felt her sigh, her breath flowing across the craggy plates of my face.

_You are no more Wraith than I am Ancient. Distant genetics does not make us who we are._

_If Dr. Beckett is right… I am as much Ancient as you are now._

I would have smiled if I could have. _True._ The doors to the hallway opened and the tromp of boots echoed through the room. _You ready for this?_

Teyla let out another deep breath and straightened. _If you are._

I clapped her on the shoulder and we turned to the door together. A sergeant stood outside holding out an armful of coats. Teyla’s arm in mine, we walked past without claiming any.

It was a good thing I was arm in arm with Teyla, because my knees buckled when I passed into the corridor. Atlantis jumped into me and through me, filling me with a feeling of welcome, love, hope, wonder, need—it went on and on and a small corner of my mind wondered if the others had felt this, if Teyla could feel it. Or if it was just me, forever Atlantis’ fair-haired boy.

Teyla kept me up and moving, and DiNozzo kept a close eye on our backs and everything around. The Marines circled us, moving in lockstep. Beyond them large numbers of the expedition were circling, clumping in the adjacent hallways and watching, wondering. Fascinated by the change, but not hating. I could feel them, or feel Atlantis feeling them, so focused—

 _What’s wrong with him?_ Rodney’s thoughts cut through my connection with Atlantis, or at least made it back off enough I could stand straight on my own.

 _Nothing,_ I replied, though it felt like a lie even in my thoughts.

 _Atlantis wanted a word,_ DiNozzo countered. We’re almost there.

With Atlantis taking a step back, I was aware of the halls around us again. I could see the expressions of the faces waiting in the adjacent hallways. There was a little fear, but not nearly as much as I had expected.

 _You are their leader,_ Teyla said, perhaps having caught that thought. _They trust you._

_Even when I’m blue and contagious?_

_So it seems._

No, little fear, and lots of hope. Caldwell might just have a riot on his hands if he locked us back up. Actually, I was pretty sure that’s exactly what would happen. I’d need to have a word with Lorne later. Someone had to be prepared. Just in case.

I could feel Atlantis assure me she’d pass on the message. What the fuck?


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus chapter today because I didn't get there yesterday. Enjoy.
> 
> This one is a little shorter than average, but the next one is a bit of a doozy, so I hope you'll forgive me.

Rodney rushed me the moment I stepped past the door to the new quarters. _What the hell happened? Was it Atlantis? Why you? No, scratch that, it’s always you. Atlantis’ fair-haired boy._

_I’m brunet._ I tucked an arm around Rodney and pulled him further into the room. No, central room. As promised there were doorways off the room, with doors, some open, and windows visible in the rooms beyond. Boxes of something were in one corner, and medical gear in another.

_Irrelevant—_

_Carson said anything about your treatment?_ I asked, cutting off the rant before he could really get going. I wanted to prowl, explore, check out my territory, but was trying to stuff down the urge.

_He dosed me when I got here. And Hiller. Said he’d be back for DiNozzo in a few._ Which meant Carson would have hit all the natural gene carriers soon. _He promised to have something to Teyla and Ronon soon after._ Rodney steered me toward one of the open doors.

_Where’s Murdock?_ I craned my neck, looking, and reaching out with senses I just shouldn’t have. But I did.

_Resting._ Rodney pointed toward a closed door, and I spotted Watson standing out front. _And I’m now well on my way to a cure, so you… me… come on!_

I stopped in my tracks, pulling Rodney to a halt as well, and looked at him. He looked the same, except he didn’t… and I couldn’t tell anyone why not. Was it the cure now burning through his veins? Or further evolutions? Or just that here I could feel Atlantis in and through him?

_Oh no, you are not pulling this now. We’ve had no privacy before, and now we do. No one cares and there’s a perfectly nice room with a_ bed _over there and we are going to make use of it._ Rodney hissed at me, a real hiss, and tugged on my arm. I reached out to the others, and felt that Rodney was right. None of them cared. Hell, half of them were using Don’t Ask Don’t Tell as a cover for their own activities. Lieutenant Scott was escorting Teyla to one door and she was smiling, actually smiling despite the bright light and her blue skin.

I let go some tension I hadn’t realized I was carrying. That damned cage had been half the problem then. This was another cage, and could be a bitch, but it was a fair bit more survivable. If we could negotiate up to this, we could keep up the negotiations to something better.

I kicked myself. What negotiations? We were going to all be cured soon.

Gibbs stepped up, spine stiff and proper for a Master Sergeant despite the blue spines creeping up his face. _Area’s secure, sir. Atlantis reports no monitoring devices beyond the medical equipment, and we can all control what they send out. Dr. Beckett should be back in twenty to check on everyone._

I glanced at Rodney, who was tugging at my arm again, and thought of having enough room to stretch out. Even better, enough room to stretch out with Rodney under me. He must have caught that thought because his eyes flashed and he let out an unsubtle growl.

_Tell Major Kirk he’s in charge. I’ll be out in twenty._ Giving up on subtlety, I threw Rodney over my shoulder and hauled him through the doorway he’d been eyeing.

_You Neanderthal! Put me down. Oh, my spine._

Snickers filled the room, and chirrs, but it was all so natural, so easy, so… us.

_Yes, sir,_ echoed from every corner of the rooms.

~o0o~

I dumped Rodney on the very comfortable looking bed and ignored his grumbles about his spine and his prescription mattress. There was another door off the room, a bathroom from the look of things, and I suddenly could smell nothing but my own stench. I kicked off my boots and marched straight in, hearing the shower turn on at my longing.

_Hey! Come back here._

_This isn’t a slight on you, Rodney, but we stink._ The stall before me was bigger than in my usual quarters. I wasn’t sure if it was designed for the handicapped (did the Ancients have disabled citizens?) or just built on a larger scale for mystical reasons, but there was a bench in the back and more than enough room for both of us.

I heard Rodney sniff behind me, and a growl/chirr of disgust.

_Get in here,_ I ordered. Dropping trou, I paused to check. Blue everywhere, but no plates on the tender bits. I hadn’t dared really check before.

I stepped into the water and it was perfect. Bliss.

_Fine,_ Rodney huffed, audibly clambering to his feet, _but if we only have twenty minutes before you insist on running back out on duty—_

_Get in here and I’ll blow you once we’ve scrubbed the stink off._

~o0o~

Twenty minutes later, scrubbed and wearing clean clothes, I stepped back into the common room. The boxes from the corner had disappeared, probably everyone’s gear, distributed to the various rooms. Rodney had ours stashed in our room before I arrived, which I appreciated. Not getting dressed in the clothes I’d been wearing since the Iratus planet did wonders for my mood.

In my scan of the room I spotted Carson stepping through the door Rodney had said Murdock was behind. I followed. And wondered at the fresh scent that seemed to follow the doctor. Wasn’t because he’d just come from the shower. I could also smell the exhaustion.

“Doc,” I croaked. Damn, I was gonna be glad when I got my voice back.

He glanced at me and smiled. “Colonel, how are you?”

I nodded and grinned and left it at that. Then I nodded toward the room.

“Ah, I should run some tests… but let’s look in on the sergeant first.” Carson continued into the room. It was smaller than mine and Rodney’s, and full of medical equipment. Murdock was laid out on an infirmary bed and hooked up to everything, looking even bluer than I was.

“Murdock,” I croaked and touched his wrist. He didn’t move, but I could feel him, sluggish but aware.

“I’ve got him sedated,” Carson said. “I had to reinfect him with the retrovirus.” He looked over the monitors and shook his head sadly. “I don’t know what good the cure will do him now. He’s further than you ever got.”

“Worth a try,” I whispered.

Carson nodded. “I want to observe Rodney for a few hours. If there are no more adverse reactions, I’ll dose everyone else from Earth.”

“Teyla?”

“I think I’ve figured it out. If I’m right, I can whip up a variant for Teyla and Ronon in no time.”

“How?” Even as I asked I knew I’d never understand the answer. Given how Carson looked at me, he knew it too.

“I added a dash of your genetic material to the mix, basically.” Carson shrugged. “It should keep the ATA gene stable. Beyond that…”

_Voodoo practicing git,_ Rodney snapped from the doorway. _As if that makes a lick of sense._

_If it works, does it matter if we understand?_ I countered.

_How can we tell if it could work? This is utter nonsense._

_You want to keep that stronger connection to Atlantis you were drooling over earlier?_ When Rodney had realized he had complete control over the systems in our room, he’d all but come again. I’d left him playing with the Ancient database, figuring he wouldn’t surface for a week or two.

Rodney huffed and walked off.

“Upset about the explanation?” Carson asked.

I chuckled.

“Figures. He’s probably off to hack my records and try and prove I did it all wrong.” Carson rolled his eyes. “Not that he understands half of it.”

“Not that you do either,” I said and smiled because my voice was starting to sound better. Murdock’s fingers twitched under mine, and I tightened my grip. _Doc’s gonna fix you up fine,_ I assured him.

_Better than fine,_ Murdock said back, slowly. _She’s so beautiful._

“That she is, lad,” Carson said, patting Murdock on the arm. “Come on, Colonel. I want some readings from you, make sure you’re still on the path to recovery.” He walked out of the room and didn’t seem to notice me staring at his back.

_He heard you._

Murdock didn’t reply. But Atlantis seemed to giggle.

~o0o~

Hours passed. Everyone took turns sleeping, watching Murdock, getting tests done. Rodney started molting, and Carson started medicating universally.

A day passed. Carson was the only one coming through the outer doors, though I knew Lorne had been by three times. I just didn’t know how or why I knew that.

It was easy to fall into a rhythm, a pattern, to not really pay attention until something throws that pattern off. When someone other than Carson walked through the outer doors, I swore to myself I wouldn’t get complacent again.

I was still trying to place the face, and the curls, when Watson said, “William?” He was hoarse, but he’d never fully lost his voice.

_Dr. William Holmes, fourth member of ART-4. Tolerably intelligent._ Coming from Rodney that was high praise, and the connection slotted fully into place. He was the only member of his team not on duty watching my door when I broke out. The only one not infected. And he was Watson’s lover. Which I did not ‘know’ because if I did I’d have to take one of them off the team.

Holmes’ head snapped around at Watson’s voice, and I saw the blue stain that had taken over his cheek.

_No! Carson said no one else was infected._

“No one else was,” Holmes said, clearly replying to me even as his eyes were fixed on his lover. “I joined the team researching your condition, and when it became clear there would be no complete cure—”

“William, no,” Watson hissed, taking half a step back. “What have you done, you daft bugger?”

Holmes stalked right up to Watson and hissed in his face, “You are not leaving me behind again, damn you.” And kissed him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the truth of just how much of a "fix" Carson has created comes out. Along with an idea of just how different they have become.
> 
> Warning for very strange instincts and het sex. If that bothers you, sorry. It won't happen again (in this story, at least).

The changes did not reverse as fast as they had come. The armor plates were worse than scabs, developing so fast and taking forever to work loose. Most of us were running around shirtless trying to work Carson’s recommended lotion and oils under plate to skin transitions to soothe the eternally worsening itch.

Once Murdock was up and moving again, Teyla started us on bantos practice to distract us. I was almost disappointed when the plates flaked off after that. A hit to a plate hurt a lot less than a hit to the ribs.

We couldn’t practice all day, though. Or have sex all day. Rodney did try to work all day, and Holmes was willing to join him, but the rest of us longed for something more to do with ourselves.

DiNozzo suggested movies. Apparently he had a hell of a collection he’d put on the servers but most of Atlantis hadn’t noticed yet. I wasn’t alone in rolling my eyes when DiNozzo suggested some black and white classic, but I settled on a couch as readily as the others. Though, that Rodney tended to curl up at my side and demand pets like an oversized, blue plated cat didn’t discourage me.

I rather liked how openly demonstrative we were being, though a small part of me was terrified by what might happen when we recovered from this. Though I’d hardly be the only one in trouble, what with Gibbs and Dinozzo curled up on another couch and Holmes’s long limbs sprawled across Watson. If no one asked, no one would tell.

Movies were usually a relaxing time, everyone mellow and occasionally snarky, depending on the film. But this time… I couldn’t settle. The itch was worse than ever. It felt like ants crawling under my skin, tickling my muscle fibers. It had to just be the damned armor, my point in the transition. It was always worse right after a treatment and Carson had stabbed me just that morning.

Except….

“I need coffee,” Rodney grumbled twitching and jerking away from me. That was the point I realized he was as unsettled as I was, and he wasn’t due for another shot for two days.

I watched him rise and cross the room, ignoring the occasional verbal and mental complaint from the others for crossing before the screen. His passage to our little kitchen took longer than it should because his path kept veering to the corner and back to the doorway. And the reverse on the way back. Which was weird. Rodney was always quick and direct when it came to coffee and chocolate.

When he got back to me, instead of looking at the screen, he sat with his back leaning against my shoulder and his eyes fixed across the room. And he didn't have any coffee.

Puzzled, I looked through his eyes.

_Teyla?_ The Wraithlike elements had faded from her features but her skin still had a blue tint. And right now she seemed to be almost glowing, like every bit of light was being sucked into her skin, lighting her nest of pillows in the corner and leaving the rest of the room in shadow.

Rodney shifted uncomfortably and I could suddenly feel how hard he was. Hell, how hard I was. “John?” he hissed, twitching again. _Something’s not…._

A moan rang through the room.

Suddenly no one was paying attention to the movie. Every eye in the room was fixed on Teyla save hers, which were closed. She was panting softly, back arching, hands clenching into fists and releasing. Clenching and releasing. And I realized there was something wafting through the air that smelled good.

_Something is happening,_ Teyla finally said, rolling to her feet with a purr, her movements even more graceful and perfect than ever. She slid her hands down her torso and swayed to a secret beat. _I need…._

_Anything, Teyla,_ I replied, torn in half between reaching for her and reaching for my headset.

Major Kirk shivered and we all felt it. _Should I call—?_

“No!”

The answer came from all of us, and none of us. I felt the door lock as Atlantis settled in around us, shielding our little suite from everything outside. Declaring us _Mine. Mine to hold. Mine to protect. Mine to nurture,_ though all without words.

As Atlantis’s barriers went up, mine went down. What little separation there was between us vanished. Eleven other minds slid through mine, entwined with mine. Hearts raced, desire grew. Eleven of us waited for the signal of one.

Teyla glided through the room, weaving from one man to the next, touching shoulders, caressing cheeks. She pressed her forehead to Sergeant Murdock’s and then shed her shirt.

I’d seen Teyla unclothed before. We were teammates. Nudity happened. But I’d never let myself look. Now I couldn’t make myself look away. Her firm breasts were perfect, even with the blue tint, light and full and swaying as she danced. Her hands trailed over her torso and I felt fire burn through her veins, my veins, our veins.

She shimmied before me and her pants slipped from her hips. My mouth fell open as I took in legs. Long legs. Beautiful legs. Her fingers pushed my chin back up and she leaned over me.

“John,” she said breathlessly. _This feels… interesting._ The air around her smelled sweeter than it ever had. The urge to kiss her, to take her thrummed through me. But I couldn’t move. She held all the power tonight. Her mind was wrapped tight around mine, pinning my body in place more firmly than any touch.

“Teyla,” I whispered back. Something was missing. My brain clawed desperately for understanding, for the key to release me. _My queen._

She smiled at me and grasped my hands. _My warrior. My general._

I would have done anything for her, followed her anywhere, but she led me back to her pillows, her nest. There she chased me down onto the soft cushions and proved she felt as exquisite inside her body as inside her mind.

Heaven.

When she was done with me, Teyla rose, graceful as ever. I lay, limp and sated, yet knowing I needed to move. I was done, but Teyla was not. Need still thrummed through us all. She stalked around her subjects, now arrayed in a half circle about the nest. I rolled—it was the best I could do—and landed on the floor beyond the cushions in time to see Teyla stop before Rodney.

_My queen._

_My leading scholar._

She led him to the nest, stepping over my still sprawled legs. Watching them together, my queen and my mate, felt almost as good as being within her. Rodney was beautiful writhing under Teyla’s maddening touches.

I could almost feel his climax shuddering through me, and the soft touch of her lips on his before she rose again. Rodney crawled from the nest and collapsed next to me as Teyla stalked about the circle again, touching, tugging off clothes, and finally choosing Murdock.

_My queen._

_Mine? Hmm, no, not mine. Hers. Her voice._

I shivered as Atlantis thrummed through me, through us. Pleasure, delight, contentment. _Mine._

I don’t know what happened next. I was sucked into the maelstrom of Atlantis, watching through cameras, feeling the flow of energy, listening to the crowds. So happy to be full, to have company, to be alive again. When the information flow finally narrowed on our common room, I saw us all.

Teyla arching over Murdock.

Rodney and I tangled on the floor.

The others on their knees about us, swaying with Atlantis’s information flow.

Perspective narrowed further as Murdock came and I jolted back into my own brain for a moment before Teyla rose again and desire wove us back together.

Teyla circled again. I thought she’d choose Ronon. She paused long enough before him. But she moved on, trailing her hands over shoulders and chests. Then, finally, she caught Gibbs’s chin.

_My queen._

_My warrior. My commander._

Atlantis thrummed again, quieter, hissing _Our commander_ as Teyla lead Gibbs to her nest.

Reality rolled until Teyla rose, circled, and chose Ronon.

_My queen._

_My warrior. My hunter._

Then Captain Watson.

_My warrior…. No, my medic._

_As you will, my queen._

Desire pulsed through me with each choice, our desire, Atlantis’s pleasure. But Teyla had wrung me out. It was not until she took Dr. Holmes to her nest—

My scholar.

—that I slid into Rodney and let the throbbing desire of the group drive me, drive us. I could feel the others wanting, craving, but either unable because Teyla wouldn’t let them, not yet, or because Teyla had done with them.

Dr. Holmes joined his lover on the floor and Teyla took Major Kirk.

_My warrior. My guardian._

Then Lieutenant Hiller.

_My warrior._

Then Lieutenant Scott.

_My warrior scholar._

By the time she finished with Corporal DiNozzo—

_My warrior._

_Can’t I be court jester?_

—my brain was starting to function more normally, if fuzzily. But three orgasms in an hour will do that. We were all strewn about the floor in close proximity, wrung out and just starting to feel confused.

_Think that’ll ever happen again?_ DiNozzo asked, stretching satedly as Teyla collapsed beside him.

Gibbs humphed and smacked DiNozzo on the back of the head. Then tugged him off the pillows. And into his arms.

_Fuck. Can we keep this from Dr. Beckett?_ That was a conversation I did not want to have with my doctor, no matter how fond I was of Carson.

_There are some aspects of the hive mind others do not need to know,_ Holmes said.

_I’ll alter the readings in the medical equipment,_ Rodney said, half sitting up before wincing and collapsing back into my arms. _As soon as my limbs start working again._

_Save a copy for our records first._ Holmes said.

Rodney snarled at him. _What kind of brainless lackwit do you take me for? Of course I’ll—_

_My apologies to you all._ Teyla burrowed into her pillows and I could feel her rising shame.

I dragged myself to a sitting position, ignoring my own urge to wince, and tugged at her until her head rested on my leg. _If I can’t apologize for that first kiss, you can’t apologize for this._

The others agreed and everyone moved closer, studiously ignoring the universal nudity.

_We’re all learning to understand new instincts,_ Watson said. He was somehow sitting perfectly upright and straight despite Holmes being sprawled across him—and quite recently in him.

_It’s really quite fascinating,_ Holmes said. _I’m rather surprised something like this didn’t happen sooner._

I fixed the scientist with a sharp glare. _You expected this?_

He held up his hands. _Certainly not. Or I would have said something. But the Iratus bugs do have a hive structure led by breeding females._

_Breeding?_ Panic and hyperventilation drove Rodney to finally sit.

_In this case, it felt more like an instinctive drive to set a hierarchy,_ Holmes said firmly. _The sexual aspect would be a leftover of the Iratus dominance and should fade as we stabilize closer to humanity. Besides, I shouldn’t be surprised if we are all infertile in our present condition. Not that I expect that to improve once we stabilize. Our DNA has rather gone through a lot of late._

Surprise, shock, and unexpected heartbreak echoed through our minds as the walls between us proved to still be down. Teyla’s tears wet my leg even as Rodney rejected any attachment to two point five children and a white picket fence.

_Hierarchy, huh?_ DiNozzo mulled, then shut up as Gibbs rolled on top of him.

_Well, we’re certainly used to having a woman in charge,_ I said lightly, stroking my fingers through Teyla’s mussed hair. _I wonder if we named Elizabeth Queen of Atlantis if we’d have better luck with the Wraith._

The sense of Atlantis strengthened in our minds. Rainbows seemed to dance about Teyla and the nest of pillows as Atlantis pressed upon us all that Elizabeth was not her queen. Teyla was.

~o0o~

It didn’t happen again. We kept getting shots, kept shedding plates, kept improving. I think I spent an hour staring at the mirror when I got my green eyes back.

But it didn’t all clear up. Teyla had more blue bands than she’d admit to, up and down her limbs and torso. I needed another wristband to cover the matched set of blue bands at my wrists and a hat to cover the patches at my temples. Most of us had those, though it was hard to tell with Ronon under all that hair. At least the boots covered the bands at our ankles.

Rodney was peeved about the one at his collar. Apparently, he hated ties. Still, Murdock was the worst off. His eyes were still gold, and at least blue tinted most everywhere. And while the rest of us were learning to build barriers against the constant flow of information in the mental links that didn’t fade, Murdock seemed to have transplanted half his brain into Atlantis’s computer system.

Atlantis seemed delighted.

_Retirement on Earth won’t be a choice after this,_ Major Kirk commented after one of Carson’s visits, ending in sad shakes of the head. Carson wouldn’t admit it, but Rodney was hacking the data. The last dose he’d forced on us had done nothing for anyone but Teyla, maybe because of her Wraith DNA. But the rest of us? We were stable. This was as good as it was going to get. Humanity wasn’t something we were going to enjoy anymore.

I put out a request to meet with Lorne and met him at the doors with Gibbs and Kirk. Fortunately, Caldwell was on the Daedalus for the day and didn’t know to order Lorne to stay away.

I wasn’t sure if I was more delighted to see Lorne or see the way Lorne didn’t seem bothered by the lingering signs of our inhumanity.

“It looks like this is about as good as it’s going to get,” I told Lorne once we’d secreted ourselves in mine and Rodney’s room. “Hopefully with twelve of us and two not of Earth, the IOA won’t try and dump us at Area 51 for study.”

“I think we can put together enough leverage to prevent that,” Kirk said.

Gibbs smirked. He was good at doing that without looking insubordinate. Had to be a trick shared only with the truly senior NCOs. “We just threaten to let McKay loose and angry. Ten to one, they’ll do just about anything to leave us here.”

Lorne chuckled, then sobered up and nodded grimly. “The question is, how much leverage do we have to keep you in command, sir? I’m worried most of the scientists will revolt and half the military will join them if Caldwell is left in charge.”

“Is he that bad?” Atlantis had been giving me updates, but besides some grumbling in the ranks it hadn’t seemed too bad. Colonel Caldwell and I had finished our talk once I could talk again, and he’d been quite amenable to my suggestions and explanations for just why I’d chosen to do some things a bit differently. Some of his alterations made sense, too. The conversation had been a bit tense and all but through a wall what with the protective measures against infection, but I was starting to think Caldwell wasn’t so bad really.

“Not really, sir. He’s just not you. And Dr. Holmes infecting himself with the retrovirus really…”

“Put everyone in a panic, I bet,” Kirk said. “After all that effort to secure the base against infection. I could have told Colonel Caldwell to put more security on any biological samples.”

“He wouldn’t have listened at the time,” I pointed out. Kirk had been sent to run security after Bates was clobbered in the siege, and I rather liked the man. He was SGC trained and mentally flexible enough to look through a black hole and get forty-two. And Teyla liked him, which spoke well for him. “He was too busy trying to contain us. Damn it, why did I have to take out half the senior staff?”

I really had. Two lieutenants, a major, both our senior sergeants, a captain, our best scientist, and our two best links to the natives of the galaxy. And another good scientist had followed in our footsteps.

“You didn’t know you were contagious,” Kirk pointed out.

I snorted. “Ellia was. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“There’s no point in arguing about it now,” Gibbs cut in. “What’s done is done. Now we need to find a way to live with the results.” And that was why O’Neill sent me a Master Sergeant. Someone to cut through the bullshit. Not to mention he was also good at thinking through corners. “We are still the senior staff, and if we can convince people we’re still mentally competent—”

“It took the SGC how long to start trusting Teal’c?” I asked.

“While the IOA is a problem, and we might face a new commander and some more staff,” Kirk said, “I’m more concerned about convincing the expedition members. This is where we are, and in all honesty, this is probably where we’re going to stay. We need to focus on making permanent lives for ourselves.”

Lorne nodded. “There are a lot of people here already thinking that way, even without the retrovirus. And….” He trailed off sheepishly.

“Major?” I asked. But I had a feeling I knew even before he replied.

“Is it true everyone has an increased connection to Atlantis?”

We three nodded.

“Then I think there’s a few that might… once things have settled…” The set of Lorne’s shoulders made me think he was one of the few. “Well, want to try the virus and risk the side effects for a closer connection to the city.”

“We are not telling the IOA that. Ever,” I said flatly, and everyone agreed.

“I’m just trying to say, sir, that most everyone here still trusts you.”

I let out a huff of air and tried to ignore the odd chittering tones that still echoed through it. “I wish I knew if that was a good thing.” Sometimes… sometimes I really wondered if my brain still worked the same way.

I mean, there was no way in hell I’d’ve been living openly with Rodney a week and a half ago. Ever. And now I didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. He was mine.

What did a change like that mean?

~o0o~

When Colonel Caldwell next came by, it was with a full troop of backup. No infection protocol, but he looked twitchy. And it probably didn’t help his nerves that we were in the middle of bantos practice. DiNozzo was actually keeping up with Teyla, and I could see Caldwell trying to figure out where we’d gotten several lengths of hardwood. And just how dangerous we’d all be with them. They weren’t moving as fast as I did when I escaped, but not by much.

And no, I hadn’t set this up. Atlantis had warned me Caldwell was coming, but not until after we’d been a few rounds into training.

“Colonel,” I said, straightening up from my slump against the wall. Teyla had just finished wiping the floor with me.

“Colonel Sheppard. I see you’re recovering.”

I raised an eyebrow at that and tried not to thrill at the ability to do so. My face had been fully mobile longer than it had been partially frozen, and yet the ability to smile and move my eyebrows was still far too likely to make my heart go pitter-pat. Which was pathetic given how much else hadn’t come back. Or rather, hadn’t gone away.

For example, I knew that someone who came in smelled funny. In fact, all our noses were wrinkling. I’d have to talk to Lorne about making sure our guys were bathing enough.

“I’m about as recovered as I’m going to get.” I rubbed at the blue patch on my left temple that didn’t look likely to fade. “Sir.”

Caldwell’s eyes flickered across my face, and I could feel him staring at the blue patches at my temples. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. I looked a hell of a lot more human than Sergeant Murdock, or even Dr. Holmes, who’d had a birthmark on his cheek removed as a child that had now come back blue. Something to do with how the color lingered in scar tissue. Ronon’s tattoos had also turned blue, but he seemed perfectly happy with the color change.

“Yes, Dr. Beckett said something like that.”

Rodney snorted. _Voodoo doctor doesn’t have a clue._

_Be nice,_ Holmes countered. _I’ve checked everything. No matter how fast he worked it was unlikely he could have cured everyone completely._

 

_Because his retrovirus was a kludged together mess,_ Rodney snapped back. It was a well-worn argument. Holmes had enough bio and medical training to at least check Carson’s findings, though his specialty was chemistry. Rodney didn’t understand much of anything—not that he’d admit that—but hated the whole situation so much he couldn’t help but stick his nose in.

_Enough,_ I spat and got contrite silence back. _What’s done is done._ Or so I kept trying to tell myself. “Are we finally ready to discuss our options?” I was determined to push things forward even if Caldwell seemed determined to beat around the bush.

Caldwell frowned, but after a moment he nodded. “We’ve been in touch with the SGC and IOA.”

_Duh,_ DiNozzo chirped, and then yelped when Gibbs smacked him on the back of the head.

_Silent and still,_ I ordered, wanting to present an image of my people that didn’t include abuse and random action in response to things no one else could hear. We hadn’t admitted to Carson we were all still telepathic, though he probably suspected. Atlantis seemed to be looping him in a little sometimes. “And what pronouncements have the IOA and SGC made?”

“No pronouncements,” Caldwell said, shifting his weight. He then caught himself and shifted back, stiffening his spine. “They want Dr. Heightmeyer to speak with all of you and present her findings before any decisions are made.”

I couldn’t tell how Caldwell felt about that. His poker face was a hell of a lot better than Elizabeth’s, even with the nervous shifting. “Of course, sir. Does she have a schedule drawn up yet?” Not that I had any desire to be shrunk right now. I didn’t know if I trusted my own brain, and that wouldn’t be something I’d be able to hide from Kate for long. But we needed to do something, anything, to move forward. Living in limbo like we were wasn’t healthy for any of us.

“Yes. And I’ve scheduled guards to and from….” Caldwell looked… twitchy. Uncertain. “You’ll have to… These meetings need to be individual.”

I bit back on a “Duh” myself. “Of course, sir.” It was probably a test, anyway. I didn’t dare insist on groups right now. I didn’t like letting my people go off alone, but I knew Atlantis would warn us if there was anything untoward planned. She’d been in and out of our heads for the last month, regularly offering tidbits of what was going on outside our little cell. “We’re ready to begin any time. Though…” I glanced around the room at all the sweaty faces. “You might want to give us all a moment to clean up if Dr. Heightmeyer wants to start today.”

“Tomorrow,” Caldwell said, too fast. “I just wanted to let you know....”

I nodded. “Very well, sir.” Though the whole thing was bullshit. No one needed a troop of Marines to “let us know.” Not to mention we all had our tablets and were in regular contact with everyone but the senior staff.

Caldwell stayed stiffly in place, the Marines firm at his back.

“Was there anything else, sir?” I did a quick check, but no one else had spotted anything odd or saw anything happening that I didn’t.

“May we speak privately, Colonel?”

I wanted to frown but refrained. Murdock’s room was closest and he wasn’t sharing so I waved toward the doorway. When Caldwell didn’t move, I walked through the doorway first.

_He does know you can control the room from halfway across the city, doesn’t he?_ Lieutenant Scott commented dryly.

_Be nice,_ I countered. _He’s technically your boss, and definitely a senior officer._ I ignored the dry derision that followed that and turned to Caldwell as the doors shut behind him. “Sir?”

“I am… concerned about the mood of the people on Atlantis,” Caldwell said. He was studying me again.

“Anyone trying to take command was going to face some opposition,” I said. No point in pretending I didn’t know exactly what he was talking about. “Too many here survived that first year on our own. Someone sent by Earth isn’t going to be trusted right off. If you’re going to stay, you need to prove yourself.”

“I see.” Caldwell frowned. Which was odd, because he should have known that. As much as he pissed me off sometimes, he was a good officer. He knew how to command and I learned something every time we talked. Even when I wanted to deck him. “I admit I’ve been… surprised… by how much support you retain. A commander seen to have been compromised by the enemy at the SGC would not be given such support.”

It was my turn to frown, even as I ignored all the surprised exclamations and denials from my people. “I’ve never worked for the SGC,” I said as I gathered my thoughts. “So I don’t know how they would deal with this situation. But I know that we have seen too much here in the Pegasus Galaxy, experienced too much of how this place can change you to turn on someone for being changed. It’s going to take more than a few weeks blue to destroy their trust.”

“You attacked your own men,” Caldwell said, his calm façade cracking.

I looked at my toes. I wasn’t wearing boots, hadn’t bothered in weeks. While the spikes had fallen off, even socks felt weird. Especially when they rubbed against the blue cuffs around my ankles. The skin there was different. Whatever made it blue also indicated other differences in texture and strength and… I was avoiding Caldwell’s point.

“Yes, I did.” I stiffened my spine and looked up. “And I have to live with the consequences, knowing I changed their futures, maybe ruined their lives.” I took a deep breath and noted that while Caldwell smelled nervous and not all that appealing, not like my team, he didn’t smell foul. Not like Elizabeth, or whoever it was out in the main room.

_I’ll look into that,_ Holmes said, and I put the thought aside.

“At the same time, everyone out there”—I waved at the door—“and everyone on Atlantis knows why I did what I did. And while there are a few who don’t understand—“

_Kavanagh,_ Rodney spat.

“—most do understand. A lot of them probably would have done the same thing.” Don’t leave a man behind. Don’t be a threat to Atlantis. Put everyone else before yourself. Life had beat those truths into the minds of the expedition members for a year. The survivors knew them well, and had been teaching the newer members from day one.

_Ha! And everyone knows you’re the first to throw yourself on a bomb, Colonel Suicide._

_Shut it, Rodney._

“Teyla said you were… suicidal,” Caldwell said.

“I was a threat to Atlantis. Dr. Weir said there was no cure. If I’d had my sidearm, I’d have eaten it.” I flinched as Rodney started screaming at me for being twelve kinds of idiot and everyone else flinched. No one wanted to hear me say it, as much as they all knew it was true. If I’d had the means, I’d never have infected most of them.

_And I’d have had to be the one in that cave,_ Rodney snarled. I could feel him moving toward the door and wished there was a way to shut them all out. Being shrunk by Kate was going to be impossible with everyone listening in.

_Someone grab him,_ I ordered. _And stay out._

Somehow, even after all that, Caldwell was nodding understandingly.

“You’re going to have to speak to Dr. Heightmeyer about that.”

“Amongst other things,” I agreed.


	7. Chapter 7

Keeping out of Rodney’s head was the hardest. He was all but inviting me in the whole time whereas the others were kind enough to try and put up barriers. Oh, I got bits and pieces from everyone. Teyla was worried about her inability to completely stabilize. Hiller missed his girlfriend. Kirk was regretting that he would probably never see his father again. It was impossible, at least so far, to really shut everyone else out. We were one mind still. Which was creepy as hell when I stopped to think about it, but most of the time it just… was.

We all had to do the blocking when it came to Murdock. He might be able to block us a little, but was wide open to Atlantis, and she loved to share. Poor guy. Not that he seemed to care. As long as he had Atlantis tickling away in his mind, Murdock was in high heaven.

But Rodney was the one I needed to shut out and just couldn’t. He was… mine, a part of me. He was the one I’d screamed for when the gate closed, the one I couldn’t stop touching. The hum of his thoughts and theories were as much a part of me as him.

They were all a part of me now, but it wasn’t as strong. There was Rodney first, then my team, then the others. And under it all, the hum of Atlantis. Giddy as a schoolgirl on the first day of summer vacation, Atlantis laughed and danced through our minds day in and day out. She’d been offering me snippets of tape from the laptop cameras in the major staff meetings, which I was really, really trying to ignore. Unless she told me it was a life or death situation. Mostly, so far, she seemed to find the situation funny. She wanted me prepared. I wanted to let the pins fall as they may.

Though I really needed to talk to someone about looking for the AI code again. No, wait, Rodney had asked Radek after the incident we dare not name, what with wondering if Atlantis had somehow influenced the whole mating drive thing.

And all those thoughts were just a distraction, to keep myself from freaking out on the walk to Kate’s office. Or reaching out. God, I could feel Rodney hovering, even though he was half the city away. Why had I decided to go last?

Had I had a choice? Suddenly, I couldn’t remember.

“Colonel Shepard.” Kate greeted me with a smile and a gesture toward a chair.

I tried not to let myself show how awkward I felt being there as I sat. Her office had always made me feel awkward. Elizabeth had made me go a few times, usually after a near death experience, but I did my best to avoid her. Honestly, I did my best coping solo.

Or fucking Rodney through the mattress.

_Bad thought._ I so didn’t need a hard-on now.

I propped a leg on my other knee, to hide anything that might pop up, and to let me rub at the blue band on my ankle. I wasn’t used to the rub of my boots against it yet. Even leaving them untied.

“I’ve read Dr. Beckett’s records.”

I nodded.

“He’s done his best to document things, but I need to hear things from your perspective. I sense from talking to the others… and from experience with you”—she smirked—“that you haven’t been completely honest with him.”

“It’s also hard to explain to anyone who hasn’t lived through….” I waved my hand about randomly, stopping only after she nodded. She’d been there the first year. She got that. Which was more than I could expect from anyone on Earth.

“But I need you to try. I’m not going to tell the SGC or IOA everything you tell me, just what they need to know to assess your fitness.” She sighed. “Honestly, John…” She paused a second, waiting to see if I’d protest, but I’d expected her attempt at informality and just nodded. She’d earned the right. “…I don’t trust anyone there to understand. But I need to know I can trust you.” She fixed me with a firm stare and leaned back in her chair. “So convince me.”

I wanted to. I’d had it planned out, or a decent basis for one. I was better at winging it anyway. But when she said that, no twists or tricks shrinks were so fond of, I froze.

Oddly enough, that made her smile. “Alright, let’s start with some questions. Do you feel like anything has changed?”

I snorted. If that wasn’t a loaded question. “I’m blue around the edges. I hurt people, ruined lives. I hurt….” As much as the others flowed out, that last one lodged in my throat. _Rodney._

_You certainly did not hurt me. Shut up._

_I did._ We’d had this argument. Teyla usually told us off and instigated team bonding, but I couldn’t deny the shame I felt for what had happened that first night. At least not since my sense of shame had come back with some of my humanity.

_You’ve been carrying around that sack of guilt the whole time. Don’t be stupid._

Kate snapping her fingers caught my attention. “Finish your conversation with whoever some other time. Right now you’re mine.” Her tone was firm and final, and Rodney snickered and seemed to retreat.

“Sorry,” I said before I thought about it. Then I froze, trying not to twitch or show my fear.

“Yes, I know.” Damned shrinks. She saw right through me. “Teyla was polite enough to simply admit it, but the others have all given in. Iratus bugs have a hive mind, just like Wraith.”

I chirred, an angry sound that I couldn’t seem to help. “We are not Wraith.” _I hope._

“Well, that’s one of the things I’m here to assess.” She stared me down a moment. “But from what I’ve seen so far, I’m inclined to agree. Not that I’ll make a final assessment until I’ve talked to you all a few times.”

“Understood,” I said with a nod, unable to unwind.

She took a deep breath and let it out. “Right. You’ve all got a bit of a hive mind from whatever was left behind in your DNA. Though Rodney thinks Atlantis may have an amplifying effect. Whatever happens, I will suggest easing you all into offworld travel, to see how you react.”

I considered that. I’d considered it before, but the variables always seemed worth manipulating again. “Sergeant Murdock might have problems,” I admitted, forcing myself to be honest. After last year, even Kate knew me too well. And Rodney was too likely to ramble at her.

“If we were on Earth, Sergeant Murdock would already be in a mental institute,” Kate said sadly. “But I agree, separating him from Atlantis right now would do more harm than good.”

“There’s nothing wrong with Sergeant Murdock besides his mind being half in Atlantis’s computer banks at any given moment.” I stiffened with outrage.

Kate raised an eyebrow. “He spent most of his time with me talking to his invisible dog.”

I had to laugh. “Ah. Right. You can’t see Billy.”

“You can?” Kate looked shocked.

_Did none of you explain about Billy?_ I snapped at the group, getting shock and sheepish apologies back. “We’re still figuring out how, but Billy is a product of Atlantis, or a part of her. I don’t know if anyone mentioned it, but we’re pretty sure we’ve connected with Atlantis’s AI.”

“Rodney did.” She smiled wryly. “Tried to use that tidbit to distract me from further questioning.”

I snickered, and almost didn’t mind the bug overtone.

“So you’re saying that Sergeant Murdock is interacting with Atlantis’s AI when he’s reacting to Billy?”

I nodded. “Murdock seems to spend half his time in her systems. She seems to have given him Billy… as a thank you or a guide or a guard. No one’s quite sure of the why or how. But we’re in the system just enough to be aware of Billy. Mostly we hear him, but we can see him when we try because Atlantis will share the image she’s projecting to Sergeant Murdock.”

“I see…” Kate furrowed her brow and took a minute to write. “I will look into that further. Thank you for explaining.”

I nodded, relieved that she was at least listening.

“So, we agree that Sergeant Murdock will have issues leaving Atlantis. How do you feel about leaving Atlantis? Do you think the others will have any problems?”

“I think the rest of us will be okay….” I paused, glancing up at the ceiling, centering myself on the feeling of Atlantis humming through my mind. “It will definitely be different… And I’m not sure how small a group we’ll want to travel in, but I think we’ll be okay.

Kate nodded. “I’m glad to hear that. I’ll be available to talk when the time comes. I know that it will be difficult for all of you.

I snorted. “This whole thing has been difficult.”

“Quite true.” Kate smiled. “Now, I believe we’ve gotten a bit off topic.”

“Pardon?” I plastered on a bright smile.

“Oh, no, John. You don’t get to avoid the subject. You were saying something, right before your little distraction from whomever…?”

“No shit I’ve changed,” I said dryly, rubbing my fingers over the blue patch at my temple. The texture was subtly different and continued under my hairline.

“You seem to have suffered a more severe change, not just in how long it went but how…” She looked thoughtful for a moment. “You were the only one to have violent outbursts. Dr. Holmes was outside a secured location for much of his initial transition, but showed none of the difficulties you did.”

“Difficulties?” The word came out in a croak. It didn’t begin to express the horrors of my early days.

“Violent outbursts. Screaming and clawing at yourself.”

I felt my cheeks warm and fixed my eyes on a point over her shoulder.

“And then there’s the incident where you broke out of your quarters and…” Kate paused and sighed. “Teyla assured me quite vehemently that you were attempting suicide rather than murder or escape.”

“Yes.” The word was short, flat, empty.

“Why?” Hers wasn’t much more complex.

I blinked for a moment. It seemed so obvious, I suddenly didn’t have words to explain the simplicity.

“Take your time,” Kate prompted.

"There was no cure.” I sucked in a deep breath, tasting Kate’s confidence and curiosity and only a hint of fear. No stench, but I knew that. Rodney had pointed it out. He was tabulating results for Holmes. No theories yet.

Kate snapped her fingers and my attention returned to her face, to her presence, to her question.

And then the words were there. “Elizabeth wouldn’t send anyone back, and she wouldn’t kill me.”

“Why should she?”

“I’d already flattened a guard, broken the glass in Elizabeth’s office, and….” I bit my lip before the last one slipped out. Promises to be honest didn’t cover that admission. We’d all promised to keep the bedroom out of this room, so to speak.

“You thought you were a threat to the city.” It wasn’t a question. Kate studied my expression for a moment before nodding. “Rodney told me what happened the night you were infected. His perspective anyway.”

I sunk surprisingly sharp nails into my ankle at that. _Damn it, Rodney._

_She needed to know. You need to talk about it with someone since you won’t listen to me when I say it is. Not. Your. Fault!_

My eyes fell shut and I swallowed hard.

“Tell me what you remember.”

Not a question. An order. I was never very good at following orders. And yet…. “I lost control. I hurt my… teammate.” The words were barely audible to me, but she didn’t ask me to repeat myself.

“Oddly, that’s not what he says.”

“He wasn’t in my head that night,” I growled.

“Which do you feel worse about? Hurting him? Or infecting him?”

I flinched. “I’m not… I wouldn’t….”

Kate frowned and tilted her head. “You were married once.”

I nodded. She knew that. She had memorized my record not long after we got to Atlantis. Heck, she’d memorized the files of everyone on base.

“Did she ever accuse you of—“

“No. Because I would never….” Except I had.

“Hmm. I don’t quite know where this is coming from, and we will be looking into this.” She pointed at me. “But let me give you my theory based on what I’ve learned from the others.”

A shiver ran down my spine, but I tried to be still, to remember what it was like to have a face that just didn’t move.

“You were infected with a retrovirus that began turning you into something closer to a species that is telepathic and has some kind of a hive mind. But there were no other minds to share with. You reached out desperately to the people you were closest to, the only way you knew how. Sex in Rodney’s case, training in Teyla’s, and running I believe with Ronon.”

I blinked, then stared, letting the words wash over me without really absorbing.

“Yes, in the process you did more, were harder, acted more aggressive than usual. They weren’t reacting the way you needed, and in your frustration you acted out. You didn’t know what you needed, not consciously. Unconsciously, however, you did, and you did what you needed to get it. You infected them.”

“I ruined—”

“You infected them, and at the point when you might have begun getting what you needed, when they were just starting to be able to fill the hole in your mind, they went offworld and you were cut off.”

Echoes of the pain of losing them to the gate was countered by Teyla, Ronon, and Rodney stepping in mentally, surrounding me with their presence.

“You were alone, changing, terrified. Quite reasonably, you were violent, irrational, and suicidal.”

“Reasonably?” I croaked.

“Completely.” She ran her finger down a page in the folder in her hands. “Once the others realized the telepathic connection you shared, Dr. Beckett’s notes say you were completely rational and non-violent. And none of the others were ever violent.”

“Ronon stunned me after I got the eggs.”

She snickered. “Teyla admitted why.”

I looked down, and noticed my hand now rested on a ring of blue scales. They’d grown from the blue ring and seemed to be creeping up my leg. _Fuck._

_Relax._ Not a comment I heard from Ronon often. _Stress reaction. Think it’s defensive. Happened to me yesterday. Went away by bedtime._

_Next time, tell me when weird shit happens,_ I pleaded. I couldn’t believe he’d kept something like that from the rest of us.

“John!” Kate snapped her fingers again.

I rubbed my ankle and noticed traces of blood on my nails. Well, we’d see how fast I healed still. “Sorry. It’s hard….”

“I know. So, what do you think of my theory?”

I bit my lip, feeling the unscaled flesh bend under my teeth. “I’ll think about it.”

~o0o~

Teyla took one look at me when I returned and declared the solution was close contact. Next thing I knew, I was in the middle of a pillow and person puppy pile in the common room. It was ridiculous and suffocating.

And I would never tell Teyla that it helped.

Fortunately, it seemed I’d never have to express those uncertain, hidden feelings again. Teyla just knew now. We puppy piled after every one of my sessions. And hers. And, well, most of them.

~o0o~

Two days later, I cornered Teyla in her room before dinner. “What was that with Carson earlier?”

She wouldn’t look at me. “Nothing.”

“Teyla.” I caught her by the shoulders, turning her to face me. When her eyes stayed on the floor, I pressed my forehead to hers. _My queen._ None of us said that much, never aloud. But we still felt it, the pull and structure we’d formed that day. It was a lot like being in the military, so as long as I didn’t think about it I didn’t mind.

There were tears in her eyes. _My general._

“Please, talk to me. Or if not me, someone. Watson?”

“The anomalies….” She touched her belly. “They are continuing to grow.”

I laid my hand over hers. “Strange organs? Cancer?” _Something Wraith?_ We’d passed the question of pregnancy some weeks ago.

“All the tests do not show the… markers? For cancer.” Teyla bit her lip. “Dr. Beckett has continued to treat me, in case it is something to do with the retrovirus. It has not… the structure continues to grow… change. He does not know why or to what purpose. I do not wish…”

“I’m so sorry, Teyla. So sorry.”

“I do not regret this,” she whispered, pressing a soft kiss to my lips. “It is simply my DNA is different. But I will be fine. I have faith that all will be well, that Dr. Beckett will find a solution.”

“Can I recruit Captain Watson and Dr. Holmes to help him?” I trusted Carson, but these days it felt wrong to allow others to do things that would affect our people without supervision.

“Yes. Yes, more minds would be welcome.”

“Then we should discuss it with Murdock, for what he knows, Atlantis knows.”

“She loves him.”

“She does, and she loves you. So I bet she’s digging through her databanks for ideas now. And so is Holmes.”

A small smile quirked Teyla’s lips. “Then we had better leave here and drag him to dinner lest he miss it. Again.”

I wrapped an arm around her waist and guided her to the door. “You take such good care of us, my lady.”

~o0o~

The summons to Elizabeth’s office wasn’t unexpected. Actually, most of us had come to wonder just what was taking so long. We’d been poked, prodded, and shrunk to a fare-thee-well. Let’s move on already.

We were stable, except for Teyla’s whatever. But other than eating a bit more and getting a bit stouter, she seemed fine. Still kicked my ass just fine.

There was a moment of surreal distortion walking into Elizabeth’s office. The sheet of glass had somehow been replaced, and for a split second I could almost feel like the whole incident had never happened. That everything that had changed was but a dream.

Then Atlantis gave me an apologetic little nudge forward and the bubble burst.

“Elizabeth,” I said with a nod.

She looked tired and more than a little sad. I hadn’t seen her since I’d left for the Iratus planet. Unfortunately, she still smelled funny. We had to work harder on figuring out what we were all smelling. Though it would be easier once we were free to actually see more people.

If we were ever freed.

“John. It’s good to see you. It’s been too long.” Her eyes barely lingered on my obvious blue spots.

I cracked a smile as I sat. “Well, you don’t call, you don’t visit….” I stopped there. There was too much pain in her eyes. “I’m—”

She waved it off before I could finish. “It was safer. I shouldn’t have been the one to visit you before. If the whole command structure had been infected, who knows where we’d be now.”

That was an interesting point. I’d infected most of the people I’d come into contact with in my flight, but not all, and not everyone before that. If Kate was right and I’d been instinctively building a hive—?

_I’m looking into it,_ Holmes said. _Focus on the meeting_

I had to repress a chuckle.

“It would have been… a problem. We might well have a mutiny without you to reign in Colonel Caldwell.”

“He’s not that bad, John—”

It was my turn to wave her off. “I know. But that’s not what we’re here to talk about?”

She shook her head. And started talking about organization charts, new reports from Earth, the IOA’s latest idiocy…. I let her go for fifteen minutes, adding what I could and making suggestions from time to time.

“Elizabeth,” I finally said, holding up my hands, “I’m happy to discuss the menu for the cafeteria, but I’d honestly be more interested if I was allowed to eat there.”

She bit her lip and wrung her hands.

_Can she get any more romantic heroine?_ Rodney snarked.

_Perhaps an apology, John?_ Teyla prompted.

“Look…. Elizabeth….” I paused and leaned forward, elbows on my knees. “I’m sorry.”

Her eyes snapped up. “And just what are you apologizing for, Colonel Sheppard?”

“John,” I said softly. “For all of it. For scaring you. For putting others at risk. For—”

“For trying to kill yourself?”

I leaned back in my chair. “I won’t apologize for that.”

“We need you, John. How many times have you saved this expedition?”

“And this time I thought I needed to save it from me. Damn it, Elizabeth, what else was I supposed to do?”

“Give us time!”

“I gave you time,” I said softly. “I’m giving you time.”

She wilted, indignation draining from her. “Dr. Beckett says this is as good as it’s going to get.”

“So it seems.” I rubbed the blue skin on my left wrist.

“And Dr. Heightmeyer seems to think you and the others are dealing with it well.”

I slouched a little and smiled, trying to seem a lot more chipper than I felt. “So she tells me. The question is, have I convinced you?”

“You’ve made a good start.” She stared at me a moment then nodded. “You’re free to return to your quarters, all of you.”

“Thank you—”

“But I can’t get you back to work. Not until the IOA gives the okay.”

“I know. Teyla’s already making plans.”

That got a hint of a smile. Good enough. I stood to leave.

“John?”

I looked back, but didn’t move closer. The stench of her arousal rose through the air, and for the life of me I didn’t know why.

_She’s in lust with your gene,_ Rodney said. _Has been since Antarctica._

_I could have lived with never knowing that._

“I’ve missed you,” Elizabeth said softly.

“I’m right here.”

~o0o~

_Maybe this was a bad idea._

As much as entering a room full of silent people staring at me made me feel the same as Rodney, I wasn’t going to admit it. Instead, I bumped his shoulder and kept walking into the mess hall.

“Nah, best to let them get a good look now,” Ronon said, wrapping an arm around Rodney’s neck and tugged him toward the food line.

Teyla and I shared a smile and tried to ignore the silence of those who’d beaten us to breakfast. It took until we were halfway through the food line before people started talking as well as staring. By the time we made it to a table, the audience had doubled.

The room went silent again when Gibbs and DiNozzo came in. I watched from the corner of my eye as the serving staff stiffened respectfully. That was encouraging. A Master Sergeant tended to get respect even in no salute zones. And apparently even when there was blue skin under his silver hair.

“Specialist Dex?”

I didn’t recognize the speaker for a moment. Corporal Walker hadn’t been on base all that long.

“Yeah?”

“Are you and Miss Emmagen going to begin lessons again soon?” The young man turned quite red as he mentioned Teyla’s name and couldn’t seem to look at her.

Teyla smiled and said, “We hope to. Have you been keeping up your bantos practice?”

“Ye-yes, ma’am. We’ve all tried to, but it is not the same.”

Radek charged toward the table as I felt Kirk and Scott arrive.

“You! You are free and I hear about it by rumor!”

“What?” Rodney snapped back. “We’ve barely been released.”

“Yesterday.”

“And?”

“You…. You… drive us all crazy for weeks demanding every detail of our work. The moment you could save us that effort, you vanish. We thought you’d died.”

Rodney sputtered. “I was busy.”

“And we have not been?”

After another round or two of protests, Radek sat and he and Rodney dug into whatever files were on their tablets and I was free to focus on the reaction to Murdock entering with Watson. The rest of us were fairly close to normal on the surface, give or take a few hints of blue. Murdock would never blend in. He was blue all over with spikes across his cheekbones and a not quite Wraithish cast to his features. The room went silent, except for Radek and Rodney, as they took in those alien features.

Sergeant Markham walked up before Murdock and Watson could get in line. “Damn, Murdock, you got ugly.”

Murdock just grinned and held up his Ancient minilight, glowing at full power. “Worth it.”

Markham cheered and threw his arms around Murdock. The two spun and smiles spread across the room. “Puddlejumper bay, the minute you’re cleared.”

“Flying lessons?” Murdock grinned. He’d been trying to get a chance to fly, on Earth or Atlantis, to no success. He’d been crowing about learning to fly a puddlejumper since he was released from his sickbed.

“Hell yes. Time for you to learn to fly, brother.” Markham turned toward me and stiffened to attention. “If that’s all right, sir?”

“Not my call at the moment, Sergeant,” I said with a lazy wave. “But as far as I’m concerned, you’re more than welcome to claim first dibs on a few of them. We’ve a few to train up when cleared for it.”

Teyla lit up, her lips pursed a moment before she said, “Oh, I had not considered… I could fly one of your ships now.”

“Yep,” Ronon said, laconic as always.

Radek broke away from Rodney. “Wait, all of you are now positive for ATA gene?” He glared at me as I nodded. “You! Why could you not infect me?” He shoved Rodney’s shoulder. “With gene I would be more useful. Better choice than more flyboys.”

Those who overheard that cracked up and I knew we were going to be okay. Underlining my relief, Atlantis thrummed her reassurance. She knew her people. Those worthy to stay would understand and accept her new favorites.

“You’ve always been her favorite,” Rodney snarked.

“So have you,” I countered.

“Yeah, favorite repair man,” Ronon added.

“Oy,” Rodney protested as Radek snickered. “Eh, I still beat out you, mister no gene.” Rodney poked his colleague in the chest and the two went off into another verbal run through who had damaged what while Rodney was out of touch.

I just relaxed and enjoyed feeling life on Atlantis fall back into order. At least until Colonel Caldwell walked into the mess.

“Colonel Sheppard, what is this?”

I jumped to my feet, feeling my fellow members of the military stand around me. “Sir?”

Caldwell held out a pad and I scanned the contents.

“Looks like paperwork requisitioning new quarters,” I said, trying to hold back the sarcasm.

“Why is it the day after we release you all from medical you’re asking for new quarters?”

I bit my lip, resisting the desperate urge to question his intelligence for bringing this up in the mess hall. “Because there was no point in asking for new quarters while we were all cooped up in medical.”

“Don’t be a smart ass with me, Colonel,” Caldwell growled at me.

“Colonel Caldwell,” Teyla said, stepping in with her eternal grace and politeness. “We are all not as we were. To ask us to sleep scattered across the city after forging the bonds that we have would be unsuccessful.”

Caldwell actually paused a moment, glancing between the two of us, then looking over the other infected at the surrounding tables.

_We need a better name for ourselves,_ Rodney commented.

_Save it,_ Teyla snapped.

_Long as he doesn’t name us,_ I added dryly before focusing back on Caldwell. Who was giving me a funny look.

“I see.” He pursed his lips in that little frown he seemed so fond of. “I don’t like the idea of you all being quartered in a different tower from most of the expedition. If the transporters were shut down—”

 

“It’s not yet certain whether we’ll have any authority during emergencies,” I said politely.

Rodney, however, was less polite. “Yes, yes, we did think of that. Which is why we checked every plausible location last night. From those quarters”—he pointed at Caldwell’s tablet—“even I can get to the gate room in five minutes. The labs are more like eight, which is why I would have preferred the next tower, but everyone else thinks the gate is far more important than the labs where I might have to attend to emergencies—”

My hand on his shoulder shut Rodney up. Fortunately.

“Five minutes?” Caldwell said.

“Yes, sir,” I said. “Ronon can do it in three but the rest of us still aren’t quite as fast.”

Caldwell blinked. “The SGC is going to want stats on your new physical abilities.”

“Dr. Beckett is devising such tests now that we have access to the proper equipment,” Teyla said.

Ronon snorted. “And space.”

“Is there a problem with our paperwork?” Teyla asked.

_I should think not,_ Holmes said. _Teyla is quite meticulous._

“No, just—” Caldwell snapped his mouth shut, nodded, and began again. “No, though three floors seems a bit excessive.”

“We thought to have space for a training room and private offices,” Teyla said.

“And labs,” Rodney added.

“Not everyone will instantly be comfortable with our new… condition.” Teyla glanced over the audience to our little drama, and smiled at the looks of protest on most of their faces.

“Very well. Dr. Weir has already approved these, so you can move in after breakfast—”

_Isn’t that what we spent last night doing?_ Rodney said.

_Let the nice military commander feel like he has some control,_ Murdock said.

“—and then report to Dr. Beckett. The sooner we have those test results, the sooner we can see about getting you cleared for duty.”

“Yes, sir,” I said, every word heartfelt as I snapped off a salute that was far more formal than I usually managed.


	8. Chapter 8

“Are you certain they will be okay traveling offworld?” Elizabeth asked.

“Well, Colonel Sheppard did fine offworld while highly infected as long as he was in the company of others,” Carson began, and I fought the urge to roll my eyes and tell him to speed it up. This meeting had already gone on way too long. “I believe as long as they go offworld in groups to maintain the mental support they require…” He shrugged. “We will not know what the limit is until we test it. These are uncharted waters.”

Elizabeth frowned and shared a look with Colonel Caldwell that left me a bit twitchy. They seemed far too in synch for comfort, though really I needed to get over that.

_There’s no way to know if he’ll be assigned to Atlantis as military commander,_ Major Kirk said.

_He was the IOA’s first choice last time,_ I said with a hint of _Shut up._

“I for one would like to know if they are effective offworld. With their increased physical capacity, they could make for some very effective offworld teams.” Caldwell kept from adding “If Earth permits them to stay. Or travel offworld.” But we could all hear the addition.

“Very well,” Elizabeth said. “I want a test plan on my desk first thing tomorrow.”

~o0o~

_I love Atlantis. I adore Atlantis. Atlantis is home in a way no place has ever been home or ever could be home—_

Teyla interrupted my ramble and got right to the heart of the matter. _I agree, John. It does feel good to get out of the city._

_Yes, yes,_ Rodney said. _The green is nice. We’ve jumped through their hoops. Can we get back now? I have important work in my lab._

Ronon laughed aloud and slung Rodney over his shoulder, humping him back to the gate while ignoring the mental and audible protests about his back. Which had been doing much better since the infection, whether Rodney would admit it or not.

I offered an arm to Teyla and we sauntered back after Ronon and Rodney, ignoring the bemused mutterings of the other team watching us.

“This normal, sir?” Lorne asked, sotto voce.

I shrugged. “No, but yes as well.”

Lorne chuckled. “Damn, if it weren’t for the Wraith, I’d really love this galaxy.”

“Me too,” I said, smiling broadly. “Me too.”

Ronon put Rodney down by the DHD and Rodney dialed. Someone must have sent a code, but I didn’t notice, enwrapped in the feeling of Atlantis, home, and the rest of our… hive? Nest? Group? Whatever, the rest of them joining in our mental network.

“We should check how far from the gate we can communicate through,” I said to Teyla and Lorne.

“Hell of an advantage when captured and radio-less,” Lorne said, only sounding a little bitter.

“Watch that jealousy, Major,” I said dryly. “Wait until we sort out the legalities before you start drooling.”

“Yes, sir,” he said wryly before stepping through the gate.

It took me a second, but suddenly I realized everyone was through except Teyla and me, and she wasn’t moving.

“Teyla?”

“Please. I need to know,” she said softly, standing firm before the DHD.

I swallowed hard but nodded. “You have five minutes to dial or I’m coming back.” And turned and walked through the gate before I could change my mind and drag her with me.

On the other side, it took everyone a moment to realize Teyla wasn’t coming through.

“Colonel?” Elizabeth asked lightly.

_Teyla?_ Rodney asked directly.

“Shut it down,” I said firmly, glancing at my watch.

Chuck responded without looking at anyone else, and I appreciated the respect more than I could express. Though I wanted to go up there and strangle him as I felt Teyla vanish from my mental landscape.

“Colonel?” Elizabeth said, walking down the stair.

I gestured everyone away from the gate, nudging Rodney myself when he wouldn’t stop standing there, staring at the empty space inside the ring. “She wants to know what it’s like alone,” I said. I glanced at my watch again. Less than a minute. It felt like ten.

Elizabeth bit her lip and glared at me. “Next time, please clear these things before adding new tests to the docket.”

I nodded. “Yes, ma’am. Sorry, ma’am.”

Three minutes, and Teyla hadn’t dialed.

I tried to ignore the instinctive urge to dive up the stairs and dial her, to go to her. I shared looks with the others, all of whom were in the gate room, and I could feel the same tug under their skins.

_I will note this reaction,_ Holmes said, pacing just outside the wormhole opening radius. _Do you think it is only this severe because it is the queen? Or would any of us cause a similar reaction?_

Four minutes.

_Who cares?_ Rodney snapped. _Teyla shouldn’t be out there alone. The Wraith could come through that gate at any moment._

_An uninhabited world?_ Watson asked.

_A runner could come through, Wraith on his heels,_ Rodney said.

Five minutes. And not a chevron alight.

“Dial it up,” I ordered. Relief flooded through me as felt the floor vibrate with the first chevron lock.

All seven thudded into place and the gate swirled open.

Pain. Horror. Terror slammed into me.

Ten men fell to their knees. Only the fact that I was moving saved me the same fate.

_Wait here,_ I ordered and threw myself through the wormhole.

As the other side came into view, my gaze fixed immediately on Teyla. She was collapsed next to the DHD, tears pouring down her face.

_Hush, hush,_ I called, rushing to her side. _It’s okay. I’m here. We’re here._ I scooped her into my arms and let her sob on my shoulder.

_So lonely, John. How did you stand it?_

_I don’t know,_ I admitted. _But you must face it again. Just for a moment._

Teyla stiffened and pulled away. _Do it._

_We’ll be home in a minute._ I stood, keeping a hand on her shoulder as she leaned into my legs, and hit the big red button on the DHD. The wormhole collapsed tore away the comforting network of minds beyond.

It hurt. Oh it hurt. But Teyla was beside me, and I had endured before. My hand shook, but still I managed to dial up Atlantis without hitting any wrong buttons.

Teyla all but collapsed again as the wormhole kawooshed into life and our lonely network of two blossomed.

_Come on,_ Rodney called. _Shield’s down._

_Time to go,_ I said, scooping Teyla into my arms. She huddled there, shaking, and it hurt to see her so shaken. Not my rock, my Teyla. I hadn’t seen her so shattered since learning she was part Wraith.

_Take me home, my general._

_As you wish, my queen._

~o0o~

Carson was waiting with a gurney the moment we stepped through the gate. “How is she?”

“Just shocked, doctor,” Teyla assured him, attempting to push away from me and stand.

“Just let the nice doctor look you over,” I said.

“I am fine,” she replied, but her voice had none of her usual strength.

Watson appeared at my shoulder and herded us toward the door. _Just take her straight to the infirmary._

“I am fine,” Teyla said more forcefully, but her punch to my shoulder was weak and shaky and in no way enough to make me put her down.

“I know,” I said. “But let Carson look at you. For our peace of mind.”

Teyla huffed.

“Colonel?”

I had to stop for that one. “Sir?” I turned to face Colonel Caldwell.

“Come see me after you see Miss Emmagen to medical.”

“Yes, sir.”

_I am fine, John._ Teyla sighed into my neck as I walked out the door. _And once I prove it, we will schedule everyone a chance to stand alone. We must know what it feels like, know if we can function…_

_I know._ There was a pit blooming in my stomach at the very thought, but she had a point. If we were going to go offworld, there was a chance we’d be kidnaped and separated, or part or all of a team would die.

_Don’t!_ Rodney snapped. _Don’t even think that. Don’t ever._

_We’ll test everyone._ I said to her while trying to send love and reassurance to Rodney. _Even Murdock. But expect everyone to hover a bit. Leaving you…_

Teyla pressed her forehead to mine as I set her down in medical. _I know._

~o0o~

Murdock came to me first. And I took him to Rodney. Who lit up like he’d just found a ZPM and called the meeting with Elizabeth and Colonel Caldwell himself.

“How did we not know about this Ancient warship before now?” Caldwell asked.

“We’ve got more power since plugging in the Zed-P-M, which is allowing us to turn on more and more systems,” Rodney said. “One of them triggered the homing call and the Aurora answered.”

“It’s been months since the ZPM was installed,” Elizabeth said.

“But we’re turning things on slowly and we don’t always know exactly what we’re turning on—” Rodney said, then cut himself off. _I shouldn’t have said that._

_We know you’re not perfect, Rodney,_ Murdock said cheekily. “Sir, ma’am, Dr. McKay is making amazing progress, but he’s still learning what everything does here. But now that we’re in direct contact with Atlantis, I honestly believe we can progress faster. She informed me the moment she got the ping from the Aurora after Dr. Zelenka activated the homing call as part of the power up of the communications systems.”

“Yes, yes,” Rodney snapped. “We would have noticed it soon. We do monitor the systems we turn on.”

Murdock grinned, a somewhat terrifying look with his changed features if you couldn’t feel his honest happiness. “But the important thing is out there is an Ancient warship that might be salvageable.”

“Permission to go check it out?” I asked.

Elizabeth lit up and opened her mouth, then her expression darkened and her mouth closed. She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Colonel. I can’t authorize that while the IOA has you officially grounded. Dr. Zelenka, how do we get to this ship?”

Radek glanced at Rodney before answering. “Is not near any system with a stargate, so best option is the Daedalus. If Colonel Caldwell would loan.”

“My people can handle the investigation,” Caldwell said. “They could use some experience in such matters.”

“I’d rather send someone with more experience in Ancient tech,” Elizabeth said.

“They won’t get experience if they aren’t permitted to try,” Caldwell countered.

“I’m not saying they can’t be part of the team,” Elizabeth said. “But I’d like to send some of my people as well.”

Caldwell sighed. “Who?”

I bit my lip as Elizabeth looked at me and my team, letting out her own little sigh. “I’d like to send ART-1, but that isn’t possible just now, and we’d best not wait. So Dr. Zelenka and Major Lorne. That gives you an ATA gene and a scientist specializing in Ancient tech.”

“All right. Shall we go brief my second?” Caldwell said.

~o0o~

_We should be on this mission,_ Rodney snarked as I herded him into the puddlejumper.

_I know_ was the only reply I had to give. I wanted to be on that mission. I longed to be on that mission. To see a real Ancient warship, to maybe find something useful for the fight against the Wraith. God, that was what we were here for. It was what Atlantis wanted too. I could feel her leaning on all of us.

Which was why we were leaving for a bit. Elizabeth had been understanding and consented to the trip to the mainland with a minimum of whining. So the whole group was collecting in Puddlejumpers 1 and 2 and Hiller and I were going to fly us out to visit with the Athosians. We could have fit in one, but this way we could offer some basic flying lessons to those who hadn’t had the ATA gene before.

We might not have cleared that bit with Elizabeth, but I think she suspected.

_We need this trip as well,_ Teyla said, nudging Rodney into the copilot’s seat. _It has been too long since I last spoke with my people, and we need allies before the IOA makes their decision._

“Control, this is Puddlejumper One,” I said, warming up the puddlejumper’s systems with a thought.

“Puddlejumper One, this is Control,” Chuck replied formally.

“Puddlejumper One is locked and loaded.”

Through the comline and mentally I heard Hiller add, “Puddlejumper Two is loaded.” A thunk echoed through the line. “And locked.”

“Permission to depart?” I asked.

“Permission granted.”

I smiled at hearing Elizabeth reply.

“And do bring those jumpers back in one piece, please.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Hiller and I replied. Oh yeah, she knew what we were up to.

~o0o~

The Athosians clustered around when the jumper’s landed, only to look a bit wary once we came out. Smelled wary too, though most of them didn’t stink too bad. Halling was the first to step forward, eyeing Murdock with a definitely twitchy air.

“Teyla, it is good to see you again.”

“Halling, it has been too long,” she replied, stepping forward. Halling was a bit hesitant, but he did the forehead touching thing all the same. I could feel her struggling not to wrinkle her nose.

“We have heard rumors that something happened to you.” His eyes flickered over the blue bands on her arms, bared by her traditional Athosian top. It looked a bit strained around the seams given the weight she’d gained of late. “But no one has been willing to provide particulars.”

“It is a long story, but part of why I came here,” Teyla said with a meaningful sigh. “Can we meet with the council?”

“Everyone?” Halling asked, looking about at us, glance darting from one patch of blue to another.

“No. They came to keep me company and to assist with the harvest.” Teyla smiled and we all felt the force of the order despite having discussed no such thing before. Smiles and replies of “Yep” and “How can we help?” left all our lips.

“And that one?” Halling asked, finally pointing out Murdock. “He is…”

“Sergeant Murdock. Please do not mind his appearance. Dr. Beckett did his best, but….”

“Please,” Murdock said, stepping forward, left hand seemingly resting on nothing at about hip level. “Me and Billy won’t be any trouble.”

Halling frowned. I leaned a little closer and whispered, “His imaginary dog, a pet. We think it’s a projection from Atlantis. He’s been a little… different since bonding with her.”

“He is bonded to Atlantis?”

“We all are,” Teyla said. “It is part of what I came to discuss. But Sergeant Murdock is more tightly bound to her than most.”

“I will call the council,” Halling announced.

I felt Teyla let out metaphorical sigh of relief and spotted Jinto sidling up to Murdock.

“This is Billy,” Murdock said, scruffing the not really there dog between the ears. “Wanna pet him?”

~o0o~

I got dragged to the council meeting while the others went off to work the fields or help with the hunting. I didn’t really feel like I got the better end of the deal. Listening to Teyla explain what had happened wasn’t much fun, especially while trapped in a small space with all these worried and suspicious people. Murdock seemed to be mobbed by kids wanting to hear about Billy, and I’d have much rather been out with him.

“How will the leaders of Earth take these changes?” Halling asked, and the question dragged my attention back into the tent.

“That is our concern as well,” Teyla said, her eyes sad yet determined. “We must present ourselves in the best possible light.”

“And have a backup plan,” Mereen said. She was an older woman, or at least about as old as Athosians tended to get. Exact age was hard to judge given I was still used to Earth aging, not Pegasus aging.

Teyla grinned. “Precisely.”

Halling looked from one member of the council to another, and from each got some reaction. I wasn’t quite sure what it all meant, but I could feel hope swelling in Teyla’s heart.

“You have been a fine leader for our people,” Halling said. “We will miss your guidance.”

“Wait, what?” I said, but before I could rise to my feet or protest further, Teyla’s hand on my arm stopped me.

“I would it were otherwise, but my attentions have been divided for far too long, and I can no longer honestly state that the good of the Athosians is my first priority.”

“But it is a priority?” Darien said, his white hair lending authority his words.

“Always,” Teyla said. “You are my birth family and kin of my heart.”

Halling nodded. “We will choose a new leader and inform those on the Ancestor’s city of our new plans.”

_Plans?_ How much had I tuned out for?

_It is time for the Athosians to find a new planet,_ Teyla said, chiding slightly. _They will move after the next harvest._

_I’m sorry._

_Do not be. We have enjoyed our association with Earth, but it is time to stand and show ourselves as potential allies and trading partners rather than parasites._

The words were harsh, but I could understand the sentiment. The IOA had never respected the Athosians. And far too many who survived the first year were no better. _We need allies if we’re going to survive out here._ I meant the Terrans on Atlantis, but I could feel Teyla adding layers to the statement.

“And know that you and yours will always be welcome amongst us.” Halling ended that statement with a formal bow and I knew I’d missed something again. But Teyla stood and bowed as well, nudging me mentally to stand at her side.

“We thank the Athosians for their kindness. Anything we have means to offer is yours for the asking,” Teyla said, stepping forward and touching foreheads with Halling. She went around the circle and did the same with the other members of the council.

At least I think she did, because once she stepped away from Halling, he hauled me in for a forehead touchy thing and I then got passed around the tent. Everyone was friendly and smiling. Mereen pinched my butt, but that wasn’t new. She always did that when she saw me. Rodney too.

_Hands off, old bat. He’s mine,_ I could hear him muttering as he felt me wince. She had sharp, pointy fingers.

_What just happened?_ I asked as we stepped outside into the dim light of sunset.

_We made allies,_ Teyla replied dryly. _You need to start paying more attention in meetings if you are going to remain my general._

_Yes, ma’am._

Teyla laughed. “Next time.” She shoved my shoulder. “Go play with the kids until supper.”

This time I bowed formally, and felt eyes from all across the camp watching us. “Yes, my queen.”

As I walked away, listening to the whispers of surprise and serious consideration, I realized that was the first time I had said it aloud.

~o0o~

Hiller was the last to surface when we all settled in for dinner. And he arrived hand in hand with a pretty Athosian woman whose skin was somewhere between Teyla’s deep tan and Hiller’s chocolate. She smelled good, like flowers and hope. The two of them stopped before Teyla and bowed. Not the head touchy thing Athoisans like. Full out bowed, torsos parallel to the ground.

“Lieutenant Hiller? Brisa?”

“My queen, I know we have much to negotiate, but…” Hiller broke off, lips pursed.

“I love Steven, my lady, and he loves me,” Brisa said. “As long as he owed allegiance to Earth first, we dare not formalize anything.”

“And now you wish to bond?” Teyla spoke solemnly, but she was smiling.

“Yes, my queen,” Hiller said. “I don’t know if we can accept others, but Brisa and I would like to try.”

Teyla stepped forward and pressed her forehead to Hiller’s. Then she did the same to Brisa. “Welcome amongst us,” she said formally.

I don’t know what the standard Athosian marriage looked like. I’d never bothered to find out, something I now regretted. But after we all greeted Brisa, a simple dinner somehow became quite a feast and no one who came near was anything but delighted for Hiller and Brisa.

I was not going to think about how we were going to explain this to Elizabeth. Not now. Tonight was for celebrating.

I shared a look with Rodney as I was dragged off by three girls to the dance.

_You, me, a pile of blankets,_ he said. _You have twenty minutes before I kidnap you._

~o0o~

Thirty minutes later, we left, but Rodney was slung over my shoulder to the amusement of everyone watching.


	9. Chapter 9

The itch to go back to Atlantis, to protect our city, was thrumming under all our skins through the night. Neither celebration, wine, nor sex drove it away.

_We never all leave at once again,_ Ronon grumbled as we met before our tents at dawn.

_Agreed._ I stretched and waited for the others. Rodney could opt out, and when I’d tried to shift him he’d made it clear he was not getting up yet, but the military members of our group—or ex-military probably at this point—were all obliged to follow orders and come running.

Finally we had everyone except Teyla, Holmes, and Rodney. I nodded to Ronon and he lit out at just shy of full tilt. None of us could keep up with him at full tilt, but stretching ourselves was good practice.

It was kind of fun running outside for once. The irregular ground was different and more of a challenge. I made a mental note to drag our asses off Atlantis for training from time to time.

_Found an area that looks like it might have been an obstacle course once,_ Ronon said. _Needs dirt, plants. Botanists might have fun._

_Atlantis could use some more plants in general,_ DiNozzo said. _We are an outpost, but with some work we could be a colony. There’s room for gardens._

_Never had the labor for it,_ I said. Though we hadn’t reassessed since the first year. Still, we’d need more people one way or another, either from Earth or local, for labor. And that would mean discussing the issue with the IOA. Or lying about it. Neither would go over well.

_Let Teyla make proposals,_ Watson suggested.

I followed Ronon in a wild leap over a large boulder at the edge of the path and sent back an assent.

A wave of pain and terror rolled through me.

When I blinked my eyes open, I was lying on the ground, my head less than an inch from the boulder I barely remembered trying to jump. I did not remember landing. Ronon was crumpled near my feet and I wasn’t sure what was wrong but it felt like my guts were trying to squeeze out my dick.

“Sir!” Three voices called out, coming around the boulder. Everyone else was still on their feet, but lines of pain surrounded their eyes.

“What…?” I gasped.

“Not us,” Ronon grunted, shoving himself upright on shaky arms.

“Camp, now,” I ordered. Watson, Gibbs, and DiNozzo bolted back down the path while the others tried to get Ronon and I on our feet.

_We are well._ Holmes’ voice was faint, too faint for just the distance to be the cause. _But I think we should get Teyla back to Atlantis._

_Teyla?_ It hurt like hell, but that was enough motivation to get me back on my feet and running hell for leather back to the Athosian camp.

~o0o~

The cramps rippling through Teyla were still echoing through me enough to make me question whether I was going to survive this. ART-1 was all incapacitated, but the others weren’t affected as much. Holmes was muttering in a corner about what the difference in reaction could mean, but I was focusing on holding Teyla’s hand and feeling out for Atlantis as we got closer. Flying might have been a pleasant distraction, but no one had trusted me at the stick, so Hiller was piloting Jumper 1 and Murdock had 2. He’d shown amazing potential as a pilot on the way over and I had no problem letting him handle it with DiNozzo at his shoulder.

And I was trying to distract myself from Teyla. Who was screaming again. Watson was scanning her with some tech he’d “borrowed” from Carson, but he wasn’t saying anything.

_I need to walk._ Teyla gasped, her grip on my hand turning my fingers white and blue.

I looked at Watson, but he just shrugged. _The… whatever she developed is shifting. Changing. I can’t tell well enough with this equipment to guess. But if this is from the retrovirus, she’ll know what she needs better than anyone._

Ronon took one arm, I took the other, and between the two of us we got Teyla up on her feet.

_How the hell are you succeeding in standing?_ Rodney bitched, curled on the bench in a small ball. _It hurts so bad I can’t think._

_Practice,_ Ronon grumbled, leading our slow, shambling joint walk.

_What he said,_ I said, then we froze together as another cramp rippled through Teyla.

~o0o~

Hiller hovered over our tower and lowered the back ramp. It wasn’t until I jumped down beside Ronon, Teyla in his arms, that I realized how much we needed to be back in our territory. One layer of instinctive terror just melted away.

Which was just insane.

_Worry about it later,_ Ronon said, leading the way into the upper floor of our space, the lounge with the view.

Right. Teyla was what mattered right now. Time to figure out what she needed.

~o0o~

“What’s happening?” Carson came in at a run, alone fortunately. I think if anyone had been with him, I would have attacked them.

“As I said,” Watson hissed, “we don’t know. Teyla began experiencing extreme abdominal cramps two point three hours ago. I’m trying to correlate my current readings with those on record, but—”

“The sensors in that aren’t strong enough. We should take her down to the infirmary—”

Ronon snarled and I hissed. Even Rodney rose to his feet and got between Carson and Teyla.

“She stays here,” Ronon growled.

I took a deep breath and did my best to stuff down whatever instincts were driving me. At least enough to speak rationally. “Don’t think we can let her leave right now. Instincts say she needs to be here.”

“Territoriality?” Carson asked politely, hands raised and empty.

Ronon nodded, but I thought about it a moment. “Partly” was the best answer I had.

“All right. We make this work.” Carson stepped forward, hands still raised. “But I need to get closer to examine her.”

Ronon didn’t stop growling, but he also let Carson closer. Teyla was looking wan and worn between us, her skin more gray than tan.

Carson looked between us but fixed most of his attention on Teyla. “I don’t know if this is going to hurt, lass, but I need to touch you.”

“Of course, doctor,” she said, her voice weak. She did not scream when his hands pressed against her belly, but we all felt how much she wanted to. It was only then that I realized through all this, she had been silent. No more than a gasp or groan had escaped her.

_We learn to be silent in all conditions,_ she whispered, _’lest the Wraith hear us._

“Something’s happening here,” Carson said after feeling Teyla up through two rounds of cramps.

“No shit, Carson,” Rodney said.

“You’re rigid. Under other circumstances, I’d suspect appendicitis, but most Pegasus natives don’t seem to have one.” Carson continued to palpate Teyla’s belly as he spoke. “Can you describe the pain?

Teyla bit her lip, but did not reply.

“Lass,” Carson said, sounding exasperated, “you need to work with me. I know you’re scared—”

“Radiating pain, crushing the abdomen, but localized. It’s muscular in nature,” Holmes said. When Carson gave him a weird look, he added, “We are feeling the echoes of her physical condition. I suspect we have been getting echoes of changes since last night, looking back.”

“Last night?” Rodney squeaked. “I didn’t notice anything last night. Did I?”

“A mixture of lethargy and the urge to move,” Ronon said.

“Back pain,” I said. I had thought it to be the Athosian bed, but…

“We could try another shot,” Carson said, “but I would rather get her under a more detailed scanner before proposing a treatment.”

Atlantis poured out pronouncements of _Mine, Ours,_ and _Queen_ as we struggled through another round of crushing pain.

Carson stared hard at Teyla’s belly. “No chance we can take her to the infirmary?”

We all shook our heads. This was where we needed to be. Our territory. 

Teyla gasped, her hand moving down her torso. “I think…” Her cheeks darkened. “Help me remove my pants, please.”

Brisa wove between us and reached for the ties to Teyla’s pants. And I was startled to realize my instincts filed her as safe and “Mine.”

_I had notice that as well,_ Holmes said.

“My lady…” Brisa stuttered, fingers spanning Teyla’s middle.

“Go on, lass,” Carson said.

“Is it possible you are with child?”

Teyla cupped her belly in that intergalactic posture for “woman with child,” her eyes dark with sadness.

“Yes, but no,” I muttered.

“That was my first thought,” Carson said, “but there is no sign of a fetus. Just these anomalous structures.”

“Tied into her reproductive system,” Holmes said thoughtfully. “Just because we rejected it before does not mean it is not the correct hypothesis.”

“Perhaps a miscarriage?” Carson said softly.

Watson and Brisa got Teyla’s pants off and Carson, with many apologies, started some more intimate touching. It was damned hard to let him, but I kept reminding myself, and everyone else, that I trusted Carson and he was the best doctor we had.

And Watson was watching every move with knowledgeable eyes and lethal hands.

“I had wondered…” Carson muttered something in Gaelic. “There were similarities in the growths to egg laying reproductive systems. I hadn’t brought it up because I didn’t have enough information. But given the circumstances, I believe you may well be laying eggs. Your body isn’t quite designed for it, so it’s harder than expected.”

“Eggs? Could they be viable?” Kirk asked.

“Would we want them to be?” Gibbs countered darkly.

“Let’s take this one step at a time,” Carson replied, a modicum of his doctor’s calm reforming around him. “We tend to Teyla first, anything else second. Now, I’d like a stronger scanner and a few other items from the infirmary. Should I call for them or send one of you to fetch things?”

~o0o~

When all was said and done, Carson was right and we had a cluster of six milky white eggs in a nest of blankets in the corner of the lounge. Six viable eggs with tiny little humanish looking bodies floating in them.

Not a bad outcome from two days of labor.

Two days.

All I could say was “thank God for Carson.” Part of me, a part I was mostly denying, wished I’d infected him. He belonged with us, and yet didn’t.

I’d worry about it later, when I was less exhausted. When Teyla was back on her feet.

She was lying in a pile of pillows, much as she had that day we’d all gone a bit mad. But now she was gray around the edges, her blue stripes dark and crusted with scales.

A tearing feeling rippled through me and I bolted back to her, yelling for Carson. Where the hell was he?

“I’m here, I’m here,” he called, charging through the door without shoes or a shirt. I could smell exhaustion and clean water. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t wait for an answer, going straight to Teyla’s side and activating the scanner he’d had humped up here with Ronon’s help.

“Huh.”

“Huh?” Rodney snapped. “Huh? She’s in pain. Again. After you said that was the last egg. After you said it was over.”

“I said that looked like the last egg and she should have a bit of a rest,” Carson snapped. “I did not say it was over.”

“He’s right,” Holmes said, eyes twinkling sardonically.

“Shut up,” Rodney said with a short but pointed glare. “It’s what he meant.”

“Doctor?” Teyla asked weakly. “Please explain.”

“I’m not entirely sure, but it looks like the systems you developed for creating eggs are coming apart.” He tapped on the scanner, changing the projection a few times. “My best guess now, you’re going to reabsorb some and expel some.”

“Does this mean I will not lay again?”

“It’s hard to say,” Carson said, taking her hand. “I’m not sure how this happened in the first place. We’ll monitor you, and the eggs.” 

They already had their own scanner to watch the tiny little human-like forms in the center of each one. If they had looked insect-like, we might have smashed them. Might have. It was so hard to tell. Instinct drove me to protect my people, and instinct said those eggs held my people.

Which should be utterly terrifying and wasn’t. Another thing I should talk to Kate about. Yeah, not a chance.

“I posit the additional shots may have caused this effect,” Holmes said. “The structures could have been built from the Iratus stem cells.

“You don’t have enough information to theorize,” Watson said. “Teyla, how do you feel?”

“It hurts,” she said softly, her hand pressed against her belly. “But… I am not afraid.”

“Then we shall try and trust that,” Carson said.

~o0o~

The eggs hardened and liked being warm. Brisa took over primary care, shooing away anyone who tried to hover for too long.

Carson swore he wouldn’t say anything to Elizabeth or the IOA as long as we kept better records on everyone from now on. And kept him up to date on their progress. Which he should never have agreed to, but somehow he was as altered as the rest of us on this subject.

Maybe it was Atlantis, not just the retrovirus.

I explained to Elizabeth that we’d proved to have an adverse reaction to a food on the mainland and huddled together until it passed under observation from Carson. She seemed to take it at face value.

We distracted Caldwell from worrying by coming out of hiding and driving the Marines into the ground in training. I’m not sure how well it worked. He did keep giving me funny looks. But the Marines certainly weren’t thinking about anything but trying to keep up with Ronon.

~o0o~

“Perhaps you should let the Marines have a day off,” Caldwell suggested after cornering me at lunch a little over a week after the Daedalus left.

“Perhaps,” I said. “Though I’m worried that they got so slack while we were sick.”

Caldwell gave me a look. “Is it that? Or that you all are faster and stronger now, and they’re trying to keep up with all of you.”

A chirp from our comms distracted us with news that the Daedalus was finally back, and Caldwell and I went to the east pier to hear the news.

Radek came off the gangplank swearing loudly in Czech. “Idiots” was the only word I recognized until Rodney came into view. “You,” Radek snapped, pointing at Rodney. “You should have been there.”

“I know that,” Rodney snapped back.

“We might have realized in time, found the Wraith before it deleted—”

Caldwell cut him off. “Perhaps we should go through this all in the conference room?”

~o0o~

“Nothing?” Rodney yelled after the results of the mission to the Aurora were explained. “You go to an Ancient warship and come back with nothing?”

“The Wraith—”

Rodney cut Radek off with a wave of his hand. “You had four hours before the Wraith ship arrived. You couldn’t have checked the databanks? Gotten into the network?”

“Network?” Caldwell asked, Major James, his second in command, looking just as confused.

“There were hundreds of cryotubes and a computer system running between them. Tell me you considered that they were running a simulation to keep their minds active?” Rodney paused, looking from face to face. It was clear that no one had considered it.

“You’re saying they were aware?” Major Lorne asked. “We killed them all when they were aware?”

“Well, unless the simulation was tied into the ship’s sensors, they likely had no idea it was coming,” Rodney spat. I put a hand on his shoulder, but it only slowed him down a little. “But I don’t know for sure if there was a simulation because you did not check. And now we cannot check.”

“But the Wraith also did not get the technology on the Aurora,” Caldwell said firmly. “If they had an Ancient hyperdrive, one capable of going between galaxies…”

“Yes, yes, we did not want the Wraith getting that.” Rodney waved off the logic with his usual disdain. But this time I could feel the loss and sorrow under the mask, not just guess at its presence. “But you had four hours to get something.”

“Next time,” Radek hissed, “you go.” He glared at Elizabeth. “Sort this nonsense out. No more will I put up with it. Either Rodney is head of science division and first contact or not. Tell IOA that science division is demanding an answer.” He slapped his hand down on the conference table. “Now.”

~o0o~

Elizabeth looked up from her tablet after her first scan of the news from Earth. “Well, it seems we didn’t need to send that ultimatum from Dr. Zelenka after all.”

I raised an eyebrow from where I was leaning next to the console Rodney was adjusting yet again. According to his mutters, Chuck had spilled something. Again. And Radek was sick of fixing it.

“You and Dr. McKay are ordered to Earth next dial up to meet with the SGC and IOA.”

“Hey now, that won’t work,” Rodney snapped, crawling out from under the console in a huff. “We can function with just the two of us for short periods, but we’re talking weeks of meetings followed by three weeks on the Daedalus, and that’s if the end of the meetings aligns with when the Daedalus gets to Earth.”

Elizabeth got that little smile she often sported in the face of Rodney’s rants. A mix of fondness and exasperation. It usually came out when he was ranting about a problem long solved. “That’s why you are ordered to pick two others to accompany you, up to four if Dr. Beckett deems it necessary.”

_Teyla and Ronon,_ I said without a pause to consider.

_I say we sic Teyla on the IOA. We’ll get out of there faster,_ Rodney replied.

_Especially with Ronon as honor guard behind her looking scary._

_Except, we can’t ask Teyla to leave the eggs._

_Brisa will tend them. It is time I spoke with these IOA,_ Teyla said, coming up the steps. “Dr. Weir, I formally request permission to visit Earth and negotiate with Earth’s leaders for an alliance between our peoples and a formal place for me and mine here on Atlantis.”

Elizabeth looked a little surprised, but then she got that calculating expression that meant she was intrigued by the political ramifications of something. “Of course, Teyla. I am certain the IOA will be happy to speak with you while the military debriefs the Colonel. Who else will you take?” Elizabeth looked between Teyla and myself.

“I believe we will be comfortable with Ronon, leaving the others here to protect Atlantis in our absence.” Teyla smiled beatifically, and I could see Elizabeth calculating again.

~o0o~

My heart was in my stomach the next time we stood before the gate. I had my team and a small duffle and was faced with the knowledge that the IOA could ship me to a lab and never let me come back if I walked through that gate.

_They will not,_ Teyla said firmly. _We will make allies in that galaxy and find our own way back if we must. But they will not keep you._

“You all have everything you need?” Elizabeth called from next to the console.

“Yes, yes, dial already,” Rodney said, wringing his hands and shifting from foot to foot.

“We are ready whenever you are, Dr. Weir,” Teyla offered more politely. She was dressed more formally today in a dress from who knew where. It was blue and silky looking and hugged her curves—which were back to normal now that she’d laid the eggs—perfectly. Brisa must have helped with her hairdo because I’d never seen Teyla bother with anything so intricate. She looked like a queen.

She had insisted we dress up too. I didn’t know why I’d packed my dress blues except for habit, but she’d made sure my ribbons were all perfect, including several we’d invented specifically for Pegasus. Rodney was in a gray suit that brought out the blue in his eyes, a collection of ribbons on his breast as well. As for Ronon, well his leathers were clean. He looked like he was wearing armor more than anything.

_I’m the muscle,_ he’d said when I’d commented on his choices. _If I go in as the barbarian, they’ll underestimate me._

Given how he’d surprised the hell out of the last group we’d negotiated with when he caught their loopholes without ever looking at the alliance documentation, I conceded he had a point.

I still didn’t want to step through that gate.

I could feel the wariness of the others as they stood at the side of the room. All except DiNozzo and Brisa who were back in our tower watching the eggs. Though they were wary too. They had to let Teyla go through the gate and fear she might never return. At least I got to go with her.

That Atlantis was pissed about our leaving didn’t help any of us.

The gate spun.

“Take care of my city, Major Lorne,” I called out as we waited for the kawoosh.

“Yes, sir,” Lorne called back. I could almost hear his heels clicking together as he came to attention.

_Watch his back,_ I ordered Major Kirk.

_Yes, sir,_ Kirk replied with the same formality.

The gate opened. Chuck began transmitting immediately. “We have four to send through. Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard and Dr. Rodney McKay as requested. And Her Majesty, Queen Teyla of the Casus seeks an audience with the IOA. She is accompanied by her guard, Ronon Dex.”

_So that’s what was on that slip of paper you passed him._ I grinned at Teyla as the silence stretched out. She smirked back.

“Come on, already,” Rodney grumbled. “Do they realize how much power we’re wasting with every second the gate remains open?”

The voice that finally came back was not any of the gate staff I was familiar with. In fact, I could have sworn it was General O’Neill himself. “The iris is open, Atlantis. Tell Her Majesty we of Earth bid her welcome.”

I took a deep breath, swallowed, and strode through the gate, really, really wishing I was armed.


	10. Chapter 10

Well what do you know? That was General O’Neill on the mic. I spotted his silver hair in the control room the moment I came through. Landry was behind him looking dyspeptic.

More of an issue were the Marines in the gateroom pointing guns at me. If I’d had time to reach them, I’ve been tempted to tell the others not to come, but they had stepped in just behind me and were already emerging, first Teyla, then Rodney, and finally Ronon.

We all stood on the ramp eyeing the opposition and wishing to hell we were armed.

“Welcome to Earth, gentlemen,” O’Neill said into the mic and the guns lowered even if the Marines stayed on guard. “And Your Majesty.”

Oh yeah. The general knew exactly what he’d done and was amused as hell. Once again I wished I’d been tapped by the SGC sooner. I had a feeling working under O’Neill would have been an experience.

_You trust him?_ Teyla asked even as she bowed her head regally.

_No further than I can throw him,_ I replied. _But he won’t be out to hang us for being us. He’ll only care if we’re a threat to him and his._

Rodney snorted. _Sounds about right. But get on his bad side and it’s off to Siberia._

_Let it go,_ Ronon suggested. _There’s worse places._ Coming from him, the comment was pointed.

~o0o~

“So, Casus?” General O’Neill asked when we ran into him in the corridor outside medical.

“Latin for chance, event, misfortune,” Rodney ranted.

“What else do you call a new people who live on Atlantis and are the result of…” I paused, counting off points on my fingers. Carson’s retrovirus research, one. Ellia took that unfinished research, two. She bit me, three. I’d already been exposed to the Iratus bug, four. I had the ATA gene, five. The virus attracted me to people, six. The cure was late, seven. Or was that eight and the number of people I affected was seven? Eh. “Far too many interwoven, chaotic moments of chance?”

General O’Neill snorted and pointed toward medical. As I passed him, he added, softly, “I hope this is not a casus belli.”

_An act or event that provokes or justifies war._ I shivered at the very thought. “Already been one,” I replied just as softly. “Rather avoid it this time.

~o0o~

I was really glad Teyla’s system looked mostly normal now that she’d shed whatever bits had allowed her to lay eggs. The visit to medical would have been a lot rougher before that. As it was, we all lost a good pint of blood plus went through every test they could think of before being shuffled off to quarters that were all but in an iso unit. The hall was empty other than us, as were the three leading the way. The only way out of the corner was an emergency hatch to a ladder to the surface. Which wasn’t too much of a deterrent for us. We could be up that ladder in minutes.

_Think O’Neill planned it that way?_ Ronon asked, studying the hatch from the corner of his eye.

_Hard to say,_ I said, checking the rooms out. Four identical quarters, all bland, boring and basically empty. But they had their own bathrooms, which marked this as VIP territory. _Could be he planned it. Could be he just approved it after Landry chose. After the number of times someone tried to put Teal’c in a lab, he might have thought leaving us an out was polite._

_It’s locked,_ Rodney said, dumping his bag in the room closest to the hatch.

_We’ve been honest in the tests. Anyone who read the reports should know we could get through that in no time,_ Ronon said. _Move down a room. Teyla gets that one._

Teyla settled in the room closest to the back door, then Rodney, then me, and Ronon furthest out. Ten to one we’d all end up sleeping shifts in one room, but it gave something of a defensive perimeter and let the SGC see we were being defensive and working as a unit.

~o0o~

“You’ve put us in quite a pickle,” General O’Neill said. Somehow he’d claimed first debrief all to himself and other than the two Marines playing guard outside the open door, we were all alone.

“I’d rather gotten the impression that was the sign of a good team leader around here,” I said laconically.

_Behave yourself,_ Teyla snapped, and I barely held back a snort of laughter.

_Trust me,_ I pleaded, sharing with her the scent that O’Neill exuded. Not as good as her or Carson, but he was family in a way and I could smell it.

O’Neill threw up his hands. “And I thought not having you at the SGC in advance would save us some of the bad training.”

“This sass is all natural, sir. Maybe it comes with the gene.”

That got a bark of laughter. “Don’t try that with me. Major Lorne was always a perfectly proper team leader.”

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow.

“All right. All right.” O’Neill planted his hands on the table between us. “All joking aside, you’re in a hell of a position. You’re compromised. You’ve compromised better than half the command structure of your base.”

“I know, sir. I’m sorry, sir. It was not the plan.”

“There was a plan?”

“Well, not a conscious one. The docs keep talking about instinctive drives and needs.” I shrugged. “All I knew was some people smelled good.”

O’Neill slumped back in his seat. “Hell of a thing.”

I scrubbed a hand through my hair. “Tell me about it, sir.”

“Though…” O’Neill leaned forward and waved me closer. “The reports weren’t too clear on a few things. Just how did you infect McKay?”

“Pardon?” I could have just stared blankly. I almost did. I mean, that was a question I never expected from my boss.

“I’d rather ask why, because… McKay.”

Suddenly that smug smile pissed me the hell off. I remembered that this was the bastard who got Rodney shipped to Siberia for years on end. “He grows on you,” I said with a growl. “And I’ll thank you not to insult my team. Just how many times has Dr. Jackson died?”

O’Neill glared a moment, then settled. “Point. Still. You attacked seven members of our armed forces, went jogging with a native, kissed another native, and… I’m still trying to figure out how jogging and a movie night got Dex and McKay infected.”

“Best we can tell, it was in my saliva at that point. Ronon and I shared a water bottle.”

O’Neill continued to stare at me.

“Sir… you don’t want to ask me again.”

Huh, so the great General O’Neill could show shock. His brown eyes went wide, his skin paled, and then shock turned to utter disgust and for a moment I really, really feared I’d be getting a dishonorable discharge any second.

“McKay?” O’Neill’s lips wrinkled up. “Really? You couldn’t find someone better?”

Ah. Now it made sense. “He’s the smartest man in two galaxies, by his own admission. And he’s saved Atlantis time and again. Please define better.”

“He’s got an ego a nebula wide and an attitude that puts my back up.”

“I like snarky. And the ego is backed by ability.”

“You like smart?”

I considered some of the rumors I’d heard and raised an eyebrow. “And you don’t… Sir?”

O’Neill huffed and shook his head. “Right. I so don’t want to know.” He looked at me sharply, questions in his eyes. “Wait, is this a retrovirus thing? My men…?”

I bit my lip. Hard. And fought back laughter. “Sir, no, not a retrovirus thing. To my knowledge, all relationships amongst those of us infected predate exposure.”

O’Neill sat back hard, blinked, stared, and finally shook his head. “Don’t tell me anything.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “I really, really don’t want to know.”

“Yes, sir,” I said formally, relief flowing through me.

“Well, this is a hell of a situation. You’ve put me in something of a pickle, what with infecting most of your command structure on top of your team. Which records state is only the most efficient and effective first contact team out there.”

“Sorry, sir. I did leave you Major Lorne.”

O’Neil pointed at me, eyes laughing behind his hard expression. “Don’t go there. Not now. I’d like to leave you to it, let you stew in your own insanity. Unfortunately, I don’t think I’m going to be allowed to.”

I nodded. It was all I could do.

“The IOA is going to throw a fit, demand a new command structure. And then penny pinch me into an inability to actually send anyone useful.” O’Neill groaned. “I can hear Woolsey now, bitching about sending more good men to replace people still drawing a paycheck.”

“I was rather expecting to be cut off,” I admitted softly.

O’Neill pinned me with a sharp glare. “I don’t abandon my people. Compromised or not, you’ve got your twenty in. Several others do as well. At a minimum, I intend to push for disability for the rest.”

I cracked a wry smile to hide how touched I was. “Because we have so much to spend that on in Pegasus.”

“Because the Daedalus will be bringing in orders for you same as everyone else. Or do you mean to tell me your queen doesn’t have plans to include that in the negotiations?” He actually pulled air quotes at “queen” and I almost cracked up.

“No, sir. I can’t say that at all.”

“Yeah, thought not. She seems like a sharp one.”

“Crack negotiator. Teyla was raised to lead her people. But…” I shrugged openly. “We’ll welcome all the help we can get.”

O’Neill nodded. “The IOA is going to push for more international military presence and likely even an international commander. Can you work with a Russian or Chinese commander?”

I pursed my lips, but nodded. “We can work with anyone willing to work with us. Any chance you push for one with the ATA gene?”

O’Neill cocked his head. “You think that would help?”

“Sir, you’ve never been to Atlantis, so I’ll forgive that. Yes. Someone with the gene will get it faster than someone without. You step onto her and you just….” I shook my head. How could you explain to anyone who hadn’t felt her. “She’s getting stronger. I fell in love with her when she was just a soft hum of welcome. Now she can take over some of the training.”

“I’ve got to admit, that’s a little disturbing to hear.” O’Neill got that wrinkled look, like he was faced with something he did not want to touch.

“Only because you haven’t been there, sir. You’d get it if you had.” I thought for a moment. “You’ve been in the chair in Antarctica?”

He nodded, warily.

“That feeling of everything slotting together, making perfect sense, only magnified with an undertone of ‘home’ and ‘welcome.’ That’s what it’s like on Atlantis.”

O’Neill seemed to seriously consider that, closing his eyes a moment. His shoulders actually dropped a little. “Hmm. I’ll see what I can do, though there aren’t all that many ATA positives identified in general.”

“Recessive would work too, if they’re willing to take the gene therapy. We just need someone who will get that’s it’s different out there.” 

“That, I get. It’s damned different here too. Finding command staff that didn’t come up through the ranks is a pain.”

We shared a laugh.

“I’ll do what I can. Some will turn it down if offered. I was going to point out the difficulty of taking command over a base with the old commander right there.”

“I’d rather avoid that comment.” I rubbed at my wrist, sliding the blue BDU sleeve up to bare the scales I was still shedding after the stress of traveling to Earth the day before. “The IOA might try recalling us all to fix the problem.”

“Not an option.” O’Neill shook his head. “I’ll stand firm on that and all the reports back it. Sergeant Murdock can’t leave Atlantis for any length of time and we’ve no right to recall two natives.”

“Teyla will be pushing the premise that we are all natives now and an alliance with Atlantis is the rational way to go.” I almost bit my tongue to try and keep the words back, but the General needed to know the plan. At least in the rough form.

“That could backfire. It takes you right out of the chain of command.”

“Honestly, sir, I’ve been expecting to get pulled anyway.” I leaned forward in my chair, trying to look earnest and convincing. “But that also depends on whether we expand the mandate of the mission. We’re not just a scientific mission and we’re not just a military base.” I took a deep breath. “We need allies out there, General. Allies and the means to support ourselves. While I’d love to just shoot up the Wraith and dig up tech, we don’t need a base. We need a colony.”

O’Neill started tapping his pen against the table. “Pretty strong words for someone who nearly got his base blown up not six months ago.”

“Coming in like a base is what got us into a lot of trouble in the first place. We never had the means to survive alone. Not enough people. Not enough supplies. No way to grow or breed more.”

“You signed off on it.”

“Not that I had much say coming in when I did. But, to be honest, sir, I didn’t know what I was talking about. I didn’t know space or the SGC. I knew nothing about setting up a base, about what was needed. I was a flyboy who liked choppers and didn’t give a damn about much else.”

“Huh.” O’Neill got a look in his eyes I couldn’t interpret. But I felt a lot like a bug under a magnifying glass. “Where’s this coming from, then?”

I smirked. “Teyla. Weir. Ronon. Killing sixty Genii in a day. Waking up the Wraith. Seeing how people struggle to live every day on undeveloped worlds. Doing research to figure out how to keep my people alive while the galaxy was out to eat us and we had no way to feed ourselves. Talking to botanists and sociologists and getting stuck in meetings with leaders that should have been way above my pay grade.”

“SGC has a sharp learning curve.”

“I’ve noticed.”

“I pushed for your promotion because you did good. Others weren’t so happy.”

“I only did what had to be done. Sumner understood.”

O’Neill stared me right in the eye, those brown orbs dark and angry. But for once, unlike with Colonel Everett, I knew it wasn’t directed at me. “If I’m ever in that situation, I’d expect you or anyone under my command to do exactly the same for me.”

“Yes, sir,” I snapped out, straightening in my seat.

“I got you that promotion because you proved you could handle what Pegasus was throwing at you. I wish to hell I could keep you in that post. Hell, I wouldn’t mind promoting you again.” He shook his head. “But I don’t think they’re going to let me do either. You’re right. You’re going to be put through the wringer and end up discharged, honorably, with a return ticket to retire to the Pegasus Galaxy. I doubt I can get anything better for the others.”

“I understand, sir. We all do. We knew what was coming months ago.”

“Yeah, I bet you did. Still, I’m hoping you’ll stick around and help out whoever comes after. Let’s be honest, those Marines out there are going to look to you first and the new commander second. SGC’s the same way. I still get a quick check from old staff when I’m on base.” O’Neill leaned forward and whispered, “Some of them don’t like Landry yet. Spoiled rotten, the lot of them.”

“Yes, sir,” I said dryly. I could imagine where the shift from O’Neill’s laid back attitude to Landry’s stiff propriety would be tough.

“I want to keep Atlantis. You’ve got to help train whoever comes in to replace you. It’s the only chance this will work.”

“I know, sir. I’ll do everything I can. That’s my city out there. I will protect her.”

~o0o~

_How’d it go?_ Rodney asked the moment I came through the door to Teyla’s quarters, the room we’d been spending most of our free time in.

I shot Rodney a glare and rolled my eyes. I’d felt him half listening in the whole time, and he needed to ask? _How was your meeting?_

Rodney snarled. _They want me to explain why the retrovirus did what it did. Do I look like I have an MD? Or a PhD in genetics? If they wanted that explanation, they should have recalled Carson._

_Calm yourself, Rodney,_ Teyla said, coming through the door with Ronon at her heels. _We must remain calm and reasonable to impress your leaders._

_If I suddenly became calm and reasonable, they’d be a lot more worried,_ Rodney snapped. _Besides, I’m trying to convince a few idiots that using the retrovirus to create supersoldiers would be a very, very, very bad idea._

_General O’Neill wouldn’t allow that._ But even as I said it, a cold chill ran down my spine.

_O’Neill does not control everything, no matter what he likes to think._ Rodney chugged the last of his coffee and got up to refill his mug from the pot in the corner.

Teyla grimaced. She’d never been fond of coffee, but had gone off it all the more since the infection. Rodney was supposed to be keeping the pot in his room, not hers. But she didn’t say anything. She never did.

_We will have to convince them that such a move would be a bad idea,_ Teyla said.

_They’d never have the control they want,_ Ronon added, collapsing into a beanbag chair he’d gotten from who knew where the night before. I had a feeling it would be coming back to Atlantis with us. _Being Casus makes us more obedient to her, not to your IOA._

I nodded. _We need to find a way to make that clear._ I bit my lip, considering what little I knew of the IOA members. Woolsey might be convincible. Some of the others, though… Shen Xiaoyi might enjoy ruling over a hive of supersoldiers.

Teyla must have caught that thought, because she studied me a moment before standing. _I believe I will have a talk with Dr. Lam about securing our medical samples._

I shot Ronon a look, but he just snuggled down into his chair. And I was not letting Teyla wander the base alone. I knew she could kick the ass of anyone except maybe Teal’c, but it would give the wrong impression to leave our queen alone.

_Get that coffee machine out of here and air this place out,_ I ordered with a glare to Rodney before I jogged after Teyla.

~o0o~

It was Dr. Lam who suggested the gym to manage our frustration levels. After three weeks of no progress, Ronon was all but chewing on the support structure in our hallway. And then she pushed it through the various authority figures until we had access at will. Even so, we didn't head over until most of the base was likely to be sleeping or eating. Then we let Teyla beat us all soundly until we almost felt capable of resting.

She and Rodney were discussing further options for locking down the retrovirus while Ronon and I went one more round using the big staffs that had been lined up along one wall of the gym when we all felt a threat enter.

_I wonder if Wraith will trigger that instinctive reaction?_ Rodney pondered as we all turned to eye the hulking black skinned man who had just walked into the gym. I didn't know him, but the gold embedded in his forehead gave me an identity. As did the way Rodney shrunk in on himself.

I stepped forward and bowed formally, my eyes never leaving the man's face. “Teal'c I presume?”

“Indeed,” the Jaffa said, inclining his head. “And you are Colonel John Sheppard.” He turned to where Rodney was all but hiding behind Teyla. “Dr. McKay, it is good to see you again.”

“Likewise,” Rodney muttered insincerely.

_What's his problem?_ Ronon asked.

_Rodney almost killed Teal'c once when he got stuck in the gate._ I struggled with the urge to go hold him. I knew how much Rodney regretted that incident, and not just because it got him sent to Siberia.

_Hey, I was completely right. If Sam hadn't gotten ahold of a DHD there would have been no saving him._

_You'd give up one one of us?_ Ronon asked.

_No!_

Teyla stepped forward, bowing formally as well, even as she said, _Rodney was new to the program and had not yet learned about teams. You did not meet him until after we had him better trained._

Ronon snorted as Teal'c bowed back, this movement less impassive and more respectful.

“Teal'c, may I introduce you to my queen, Teyla Emmagan of the Casus.”

“Your Majesty,” Teal'c said, bowing again. “I bring you greetings from the leadership of the Free Jaffa.”

“I am honored to meet you,” Teyla replied. “I have read much of your work with the Tau'ri and the struggles of your people in this galaxy.”

“And I have heard recently of your struggles with the SGC to find a place for your people.” Teal'c's gaze scanned over our little group, definitely eyeing Ronon with interest. Or maybe he was eyeing Rodney where he was now hiding behind the second biggest badass in our group. “The Free Jaffa have asked me to meet with you in the hopes of forming an alliance between our peoples.”

“What?” Rodney squawked. “We've got nothing to offer, and everything for either of us goes through the SGC. They'd never—” Ronon's hand on Rodney's shoulder shut him up.

“The Casus would be honored to discuss an alliance with the Free Jaffa,” Teyla said. “I believe there is much Pegasus can offer the Milky Way if people are willing to look into the long term.”

“Indeed,” Teal'c said, a wry smile on his lips showing just how well he understood Teyla's quiet insult toward the IOA. “I also bring greetings from the Tok'ra who ask if you would be willing to accept negotiations with their people as well.”

A curl started tugging at my lips. I had a meeting with General O'Neill the next day, and scuttlebutt said he had an in with the Asgard no one else could touch. _I don't think the IOA is going to know what hit it._ In fact, there was a chance we had O'Neill to thank for all of this.

“We would be most honored to meet such an ancient race.” Teyla added pointedly, What other allies do the Tau'ri have we can subvert?

~o0o~

The next meeting with the IOA was tenser and yet more productive. With the Tok'ra on our side, the subject of creating Iratus super soldiers was permanently tabled.

“And we will know should you try,” Teyla intoned. “The Casus can sense our own even here in the Milky Way and will come for our people.”

Which was bullshit, and some of the IOA clearly knew that, but some of the others were totally buying and that would hopefully cause enough dissension to keep the matter under control. Especially with the Asgard promising to keep an eye on things for us.

We had a promise of a home on Atlantis and trade rights with Earth using the money most of us had collected there. We were promised continued payment of our scientists as long as they continued to work for the science division on Atlantis. All that remained was the issue of rank and authority.

“Dr. Zelenka should hold the position of head scientist now,” the Russian representative of the IOA said. I could hear the scientist cussing the guy out from Pegasus.

“He will refuse,” General O'Neill said from his seat on the side of the room.

“Why?” Shen Xiaoyi asked. “He is a scientist of great skill. He has shown himself capable of handling the unique difficulties of working in the Pegasus Galaxy.”

“And he said he will not take the position of head scientist from Dr. McKay without the other man being dead and in the ground first,” General O'Neill replied, tapping one of the many reports on the table before him. “It was in the latest data burst from Atlantis. And the one before that. And the one—”

“General O'Neill is correct,” Mr. Woolsey cut in. “Most of the scientists on Atlantis have reported they will accept Dr. McKay as continuing head of science and stated they will refuse the position if it is offered to them.”

Rodney looked smug, but the pleasure and delight radiating from his mind was less than the surprise. He might know he was the smartest man in two galaxies, but people didn't often acknowledge that with their actions toward him.

“He is no longer human,” Ms. Smith—or at least the British representative claimed her name was Ms. Smith—said.

“Please define human and the importance of one being so,” Teal'c intoned, somehow weaving an implied threat and deep indignation into the bland words.

“If Dr. McKay were a Tok'ra host, would you still hold the same objections?” Anise asked from next to Teal'c.

“Or do you mean to imply an Asgard would be denied a position of power for not being human were he to join the Atlantis mission?” Thor added.

Somehow that shut everyone down. At least they couldn't come up with a new form to the objection before the others rammed through Rodney's continued status.

_We will face further objections in the future,_ I reminded him before he could get too pleased with himself.

_And we will face those challenges when they come,_ Teyla countered from where she was carefully revising the wording of the treaty to cover all Casus that might come to be and not just those currently tinted blue.

~o0o~

I was handed my honorable discharge the next day. General O'Neill was kind enough to do it himself and SG-1 was looking on as I accepted.

_You will always be my general,_ Teyla assured me with deepest love, and it did sooth some of the bitterness of my loss. I wouldn't miss fighting with the Pentagon, but I had been an Air Force officer so long that it hurt to let that go.

_And it's not like they can stop you from flying,_ Rodney added, thinking of the puddlejumpers.

_Find me an Ancient ship,_ I suggested. _We should have our own spaceship._

Rodney snorted. _You're a general, not a captain._

_I could be both,_ I whined back.

General O'Neill added a thumb drive with the discharge papers for the other Casus soldiers. “I had a hell of a time with Captain Watson, but in the end the British buckled.”

“Thank you, sir. They will all appreciate your efforts.” I smiled as I took the drive. Part of me wanted to smash it, and I could see O'Neill felt the same way. Instead, I tucked it in my pants pocket where I wouldn't lose it.

“They send anything for their families?” O'Neill said, a wry grin on his lips.

“Like we'd tell you,” Rodney snapped. O'Neill's eyes just twinkled and let let it go. Good call. We'd forwarded the messages our first day, as soon as Rodney could hack into the local network. Dr. Holmes's brother had power of attorney for everyone and would see to our investments on Earth. William apparently hated the man and trusted him implicitly in equal measure. I'd tried to get Captain Watson to explain that to me, but all he could do was shrug and say it was complicated.

Either way, our loose ends were tied up now, except for one thing. The Daedalus wasn't due back for another week, or scheduled to depart for another two weeks after that.

“Don't suppose the Asgard would give us a lift back to Atlantis?” I asked. We were all feeling the itch to go home.

O'Neill shook his head. “'Fraid not.”

“You asked?” Ronon said, tone dry and disbelieving.

“Actually, I did. Thor was interested, but something came up back home.” O'Neill shrugged. “Something usually comes up for him. The Free Jaffa would be interested in letting you tour some of their planets, however, if you need to fill the time.”

Rodney scoffed. “Oh, great, send us off and the IOA can use it as an excuse not to let us back on Earth.”

“Or the Daedalus could collect us from a planet on the way to Pegasus,” Teyla said, and I knew then she'd discussed this with someone.

“Better three weeks gate hopping than three weeks in here,” Ronon said.

“Yes, yes, if they'd let us out of Stargate Command it would be different,” Rodney snarked.

O'Neill shrugged again and glared at Rodney. “You might have wrangled that concession if you'd given up something else.”

Rodney snorted in disgust. “Having me as chief scientist is what keeps Atlantis from being blown up on a daily basis.” 

“We find Dr. McKay well worth fighting for,” Teyla said regally.

O’Neill didn’t say anything, but he shot me a look that expressed his continued inability to believe I not only put up with Rodney but was sleeping with him. I just held my hands at waist height about eight inches apart and waggled them until O'Neill winced and shot me a disgusted glare.

_What are you doing?_ Rodney said when he spotted my action. _Oh, my god, you are not—_

_Hush, Rodney._ Teyla said. Let your mate defend your honor.

Rodney turned red and sputtered, but looked deeply pleased at the same time.

“Right, Teal'c will be in touch about that tour,” O'Neill said, already slinking toward the door.

“Thank you again, sir,” I said.

O'Neill stopped, one foot out the door, and looked back. “You can call me Jack now, you know.”

I snapped off a firm salute with a “Sir, yes, sir.”

Jack laughed the whole way down the hall.


	11. Chapter 11

“ART-1 this is Daedalus. ART-1 this is Daedalus. Anyone listening?”

I let out a breath of relief. The SGC had reported the Daedalus was on its way last time we checked in with Earth, but there was always a chance we’d still be screwed over. But that was definitely Captain Wells, communications officer for the Daedalus.

“Daedalus this is ART-1. Good to hear you, Captain.” I shared a grin with my team. The feeling of relief and excitement was palpable. We were going home.

“Daedalus is reading your transponders, ART-1. You guys ready to head home?”

“That’s an affirmative, Daedalus. Four to beam up in two minutes.” 

“Affirmative, Colonel. Beam up in two minutes.”

Teyla turned to our hosts, Teal’c and the Jaffa who had escorted us to this planet on the edge of the Milky Way closest to Pegasus.

“It has been an honor and a pleasure to travel with the Free Jaffa,” Teyla said with a formal bow.

“The honor is ours,” Teal’c intoned, his head tilting regally. “We look forward to a long and fruitful alliance with the Casus.”

A few quiet goodbyes were made. Ronon had become rather fond of Rya’c. I was determined to find a way to get some Free Jaffa to Atlantis someday, permanently if possible. It would be interesting to see them go up against the Wraith.

Then a flash of white, a moment of pained emptiness, and we were staring into the face of Major Barnes and an unknown Asian man in the uniform of the Chinese Army, standing on the bridge of the Daedalus.

“Colonel,” Major Barnes said with a salute. 

I returned it politely, but said, “Not anymore, Major. I’m afraid they discharged me.” I rubbed at the blue visible at my temples. I still wasn’t quite used to the texture, and we’d been in a fight with the Lucian Alliance the day before so I was still flaking armor plating.

“His title is General now,” Teyla said.

“I’d heard a rumor to that extent,” Major Barnes said. “I’ll make sure the crew knows, Queen Teyla. It’s a pleasure to have you and yours on board again.”

She bowed her head regally. “It is an honor to travel with you, Major.”

“General”—the Major emphasized the word so it was somewhere between respectful and sarcastic—“this is Colonel Ouyang of the Chinese People’s Liberation Army. Colonel, this is General Sheppard of the Casus, former Colonel of the United States Air Force. And his companions are Queen Teyla of the Casus, Dr. Rodney McKay, chief scientist of Atlantis, and Ronon Dex.”

“Colonel,” I said, bowing formally alongside Teyla and ignoring Rodney’s audible huff and projected irritation.

“General,” Colonel Ouyang said dryly, bowing back. “Your Majesty. Gentlemen. Welcome aboard. Once you are settled, General, I would like to speak with you regarding your experience with commanding Atlantis’s military forces.”

“I would be honored to provide you with such information,” I said, meaning every word. I didn’t know if I’d be able to work with the colonel yet, but at least he didn’t stink. I didn’t feel the urge to call him kin like with Carson and Lorne, but at least being around him wouldn’t be as miserable as it was around Elizabeth of late.

“Your Majesty, I would be honored to speak with you regarding the needs of your people on Atlantis,” Colonel Ouyang said.

“We have two weeks before we reach Atlantis,” Teyla said. “I look forward to discussing many matters with you.”

~o0o~

_He’s trouble,_ Rodney snarked. I was trying to ignore him and focus on finding my way through the Daedalus. It was different somehow, at least to me, and I still couldn’t figure out why. The SGC hadn’t felt different.

Or had it.

_We must give him a chance,_ Teyla said. _General O’Neill would not have permitted them to send someone impossible to work with._

_O’Neill does not have the power you think he does. The IOA made the choice, not any military._

_Rodney,_ I said, trying to sound relaxed and failing miserably, _We are giving him a chance._

_If he’s a waste of space, he’ll end up dead,_ Ronon added.

_One way or another,_ Teyla said.

And finally they shut up and I was able to push them back enough to focus. Which was good, because I was at the colonel’s room.

Once inside, I took a minute to study the guy, my replacement. I wasn’t surprised by how much that worried me. Atlantis was my home, her soldiers were my people, Casus or not. Without the Tau’ri military forces, fighting the Wraith would be a lot more difficult.

I liked what I saw. Colonel Ouyang had the eyes of an experienced soldier. I could tell he’d seen combat of some kind. But he wasn’t hardened by it. I saw curiosity in his eyes along with the suspicion. All of this tallied with the file O’Neill had sent for my eyes only. Even with the redacted bits, I saw a man there was a chance could work out in Pegasus.

However, he was also Chinese and the IOA had approved him, so there was no way there wasn’t a hidden agenda in there and any number of things in that file could be bullshit.

Silence hung a little too long and I decided to start. “All right. You don’t trust me. And I don’t trust you. But we need to try to work together. So I am going to make you a promise.” I stared him straight in the eyes. “I will not lie to you. For the safety of my people I may not always tell you everything, but I will not tell you anything false.”

“An interesting promise,” he said after a moment’s thought. “Did General O’Neill suggest it?”

“Actually, no.” That was an interesting theory. “He just said you were a man who had a recessive ATA gene and a chance in hell of being flexible enough to survive Atlantis. Unlike the Russian candidate who did have the full ATA gene but was so fixated on old communist Russia he would have gotten himself killed inside of a week.”

“General O’Neill....” Colonel Ouyang pursed his lips a moment. “He is a very confusing man.”

“I think there are a lot of Goa’uld out there who would agree with you.”

“The IOA has their reasons for sending me to Atlantis.”

I pursed my lips a moment before deciding to go with straightforward and honest. “And your government has others, I’m sure.”

Colonel Ouyang nodded. “General O’Neill gave me some very specific… advice… when I was sent to the SGC to be read into the Stargate Program. But I have trouble… You are not human.”

“Human is relative,” I countered. “I was born human, and not. As you were. We’ve both got a bit of Alteran DNA in our genome. Does that make you less human?”

“An interesting question.”

“Or is Teyla any less human for being born in another galaxy from a different seeding of the same form? Or Teal’c for being modified by the Goa’uld from base human stock? If ‘human’ is all you care about, you’re going to struggle.”

“General O’Neill said something similar. He also mentioned the Russian candidate. Said anyone that… everything phobic, I believe was the term. Would not last a week on the other side of the gate.”

I nodded. “Racism, Earth-centrism, homophobia, misogyny, you’re gonna run into something contradictory to it all on some world or other. And if you can’t control your reaction, the locals won’t like us much. The SGC learned from that mistake early on in the program.”

“I too have read old mission reports.” He tapped the computer on his small desk. “And will continue to read more. I would prefer to survive to be sent home.”

“We’ll try our best.” I gave him a wry smile. There wasn’t anything else that I could offer.

“General O’Neill… had two main suggestions.” A small smile quirked his lips, the first I’d seen on him. It made his eyes crinkle at the sides and gave him a lot of character. “Though I believe he phrased it as ‘Two steps to not getting dead in Pegasus.’”

I let out a bark of laughter. “That does sound like the general.”

“Hmm, an interesting man, as I said. His first step was to speak honestly with you, and his second was to trust you.” The smile switched to a tight frown. “I admit, my government advised neither.”

I took a deep breath and tried not to sigh. “Understandable. However, in all honesty, and I say this from experience, your government isn’t out there, not on Atlantis. Oh, the IOA will prod and advise and order, but they aren’t there. You can’t make your decisions based on what China wants, or even what Earth wants.” I stared him down like a new recruit. “Priorities are different in Pegasus, and if you go in only thinking of Earth, you are going to end up dead. And you might just take a lot of your men with you.”

He nodded without delay, no pause to think. “Interesting. Your General O’Neill said much the same. I believe his turn of phrase was ‘By the book doesn’t work with gate travel, not until we write a much different book.’ I shall certainly have to consider.”

“Let me be blunt—”

“You haven’t been already?” He cocked his head, his posture slowly relaxing. Either he was starting to like me, or he was doing a very good job of faking it.

I let out a short bark of laughter. “Oh, you’ll see worse in time. Atlantis is like no other base, and five minutes with McKay will be far worse than me. But we have no book. Every time we try to write one, something else comes along and changes the rules. Maybe you’ll begin to understand when you’ve had the gene therapy, but even then…” I stiffened my spine again and went a stern as I could. “If you don’t stay flexible and aren’t willing to listen to people with more experience, civilian and military alike, you will get people killed.”

Silence rang for a moment. Finally, Colonel Ouyang said, “And if I listen I will not get people killed?”

I deflated. How could I not. “No. I wish to hell I could say that, but I can’t. Atlantis is part research base, part military base, part refugee camp, and all falling apart because it’s ten thousand years old. When we aren’t getting killed by something the Ancients left behind we’re reminded that we’re in the middle of a galaxy wide war zone with a million fronts and several different enemies.” I rubbed my wrist over the band that hid the blue. “People are going to die. But I really hope they don’t have to die for stupid reasons.”

“Like?”

“Pissing off someone for cultural insensitivity. Or refusing to listen when your scientists, who know a hell of a lot more about the Ancient systems than you do, say something won’t work.” I gave up and sighed. “And sometimes they will be wrong. You will have to learn when the push for weapons and power is worth it, and when the cost is too high.” I could feel Rodney shrinking away, mentally, at the reminder of Doranda. I wanted to comfort him, but couldn’t take my attention away.

“You have learned this?” The disbelief was plain in his voice.

“I have started to,” I admitted, “but no, I have not learned this in full. We’ve only been in Pegasus a bit over a year. Not near enough time to learn from all our mistakes.”

“I see. This conversation has been… enlightening.” This time I was pretty sure that thoughtful expression was mostly honest.

I thought of a few culturally insensitive responses but refrained from repeating any of them aloud. “I’m glad.”

“I would like to… pick your brain, I believe is the turn of phrase. We have two weeks before we arrive in Atlantis and I… wish to be prepared.”

“I will tell you everything I can. And in all honesty—”

“Ah, yes, honesty. I… believe I will make the same vow you did before. I cannot tell you everything, but I shall attempt to speak only honestly.”

“We’ll appreciate that,” I said, shoving Ronon’s and Rodney’s disbelief back. “Honesty will help a lot. On that note, I recommend you speak with the rest of my team. Ronon and Teyla know more about Pegasus than we can imagine, and not listening to the scientists is a good way to die there. So McKay can teach you a lot. Don’t discount anyone just because they’re ‘civilian.’”

“It seems as though a lot of things will get one dead in the Pegasus Galaxy.”

“That would be a very accurate statement.”

~o0o~

I’m not ashamed to admit I cried, a little, when we dropped out of hyperspace in the same system as Atlantis. There was a little lag, but her cry of _Mine! Mine! Mine!_ resonated through me and shook loose a lot of fear I’d been ignoring.

_We are home,_ Teyla said, even her regal tone sounding relieved.

We felt Murdock first, his consciousness somehow piggybacking on Atlantis’s signal. As we got closer, the others fell into place until our whole web was strong again.

_Welcome home, my queen,_ resonated from the web as soon as it could.

_We got the alliance agreement the week it was signed,_ Kirk said.

_Excellent work using the other races to manage the IOA,_ Holmes added.

_You better not have blown anything up,_ Rodney snapped, but it was all bluff. He was all but collapsing into me as all the comfort of Home melted his muscles.

_Your city is well,_ Holmes said, his tone full of sarcasm.

_I kept an eye on all the scientists,_ Murdock added. _Made sure they behaved._

_The children?_ Teyla asked.

_Growing well._

I shared a shocked look with Ronon as Brisa’s voice echoed clearly in our minds.

_Their eggs are the size of pono fruit and the scanners show they are developing well._

_That’s football sized,_ Watson added. _European football, you heathens,_ he added as I tried to figure out how the round eggs had gone pointy on the ends. _And the scanner shows they look fully human shaped inside._

_And Brisa?_ I asked.

_A gift from the Ancients, surely,_ she replied. _The change came upon me with no outside intervention._

I gave Hiller a poke, but he maintained he hadn’t had her given the retrovirus. And wasn’t that going to be fun to explain when it came out.

_Truly a gift,_ Teyla agreed. _I welcome you fully into our numbers._

_Anything happen we should know about?_ I asked.

_It was pretty quiet while you were gone. Though we’ve got a few requests for meetings with ART-1 by name._

_The quiet won’t last,_ Ronon said dryly. _We have a new military commander to break in._

I ignored how much Ronon meant that literally and tried not to shift forward and lean against the viewscreen as Atlantis came closer and closer.

_It is good to be home,_ Teyla said.

_Yeah, sure, you betcha,_ I agreed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's done. I might come back someday and write a sequel, but for now I'm done with this world.
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed the ride.


End file.
